Dear MIMsters: Am I Being Too Sensitive or Is My Reason For Quitting This Relationship Justified?

I do not want to take the wrong step, hence my search for counsel. Am I being too sensitive or is my reason for quitting this relationship justified?

I’m a 25 years old girl who is priviledged to be working with a Federal agency and running a small catering business while still in the university.

I’ve been dating this man for more than 2 years now but I’ve not been happy in the relationship at all. This is because I’m not getting what I want from the relationship. I really want someone who will love me and care about everything that concerns me but my boyfriend isn’t like that.

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He doesn’t care if I am wearing a new hair, have a test in school or if I am sick. Nothing moves him to show concern and I’m the type of person who loves attention. I keep craving his attention but he never seems to understand.

My boyfriend is a nice person but some of his traits really worry me. For example, he isn’t really doing well in his job and he is the first son out of seven siblings. His father is one of those irresponsible men who find it hard to send their children to school. His mother has been the only one struggling to send him and his siblings to school.

I advised him to start up something no matter how small to support his family but he just kept giving me excuses. I was willing to help him with the capital but he just isn’t serious. His unseriousness makes me worry that he may just turn out to be like his father, not willing to take any responsibility at all.

Secondly, I always buy stuffs for his mother and the rest of family when I go visiting. Not because I have money, but out of respect for his mother. Most times I plan ahead and save towards when I’ll be visiting to make sure I get something no matter how small. I’ve never visited them empty handed but with him, the reverse is the case.

Not even once has he bothered to bring anything to my house or for my mom, no matter how small. Not even an effort. Not even out of shame. This makes me feel very bad, it’s like I’m just fooling myself. It’s not like he meets my needs anyways, but I try to make excuses for him that it’s probably because he doesn’t have, even though I honestly would appreciate it every once in a while. It makes a girl feel special.

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I don’t know how to make demands but I expect a mature guy like him to know what is expected of him. He’s 33. He is not giving me hope for a better tomorrow, I’m scared of my future with him. I don’t want to be married to a man who can’t take care of his family.

Worse is, he never takes anything serious. He just talks and brags but takes no action. He wants us to get married this year but I’m scared because I don’t want to be unhappy in my marriage. My mum thinks he just wants to marry me because he feels he has found a woman who can take care of him and his family.

Could my mother be right?

I’ve read stories even on this page of unhappy women in their young marriages, and I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. At the same time, I don’t want to make the same mistake my elder sister made as she’s now 38 and still single.

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Some people say, at least he is a nice person. They advice me to manage him because nobody is perfect. Could this be true? Am I being too sensitive or are my reasons justified? I’m really thinking of quitting the relationship.