Dear MIMsters: Did I Go Overboard, Standing Up to My Husband?

Did I go overboard with my husband?

I’ve been married for 2 years. In all these years, I have been of tremendous support to my hubby from the very first day.

Just like any other marriage, our bitter days surfaced a few months after our wedding. We started trying to conceive which wasn’t happening, so we went to the hospital where we realized that hubby had a low sperm count and he commenced treatment immediately.

His workplace started laying off staff due to the economic recession and he was affected. So I had to take the wheel. I took care of his expensive medications, provided all our needs and his mom’s as well because he doesn’t want her to be worried.

Fast forward to 8 months of treatment, I got pregnant and we all became very excited. He was extremely supportive throughout. He made some money few weeks to my delivery, so I assumed it’ll be put to good use since he wasn’t working.

He started spending the money in bits and when I enquired, he said he was renovating his mom’s house since I’ll be going there for the delivery and the naming ceremony. He said he doesn’t want our guests to look down on his mom’s place of abode. I got angry and asked him who he’s trying to impress and whether he has forgotten our predicament. More so, his mom lives in a 2 bedroom house which is okay.

I delivered safely and had to take care of my own hospital bills, medications and all of the baby’s needs. Naming ceremony came and this guy kept begging me not to put him to shame and asked me to add some money to what he has, which I did.

I went to spend the rest of my maternity leave with my mom and when I returned to my matrimonial home after 3 months, I cried that night. There wasn’t a single grain of rice, meanwhile, he’d told me of some works he took up in my absence. Apparently those monies, though meagre, went into buying his clothes and lavish living.

He’s always wanting to keep up with the standard he’s use to prior to losing his job. I was really bitter that day and spoke out my mind to him. To which he said I’m being disrespectful to him because he is broke.

I resumed work and he started taking care of the baby at home. His company paid them off around that time and he insisted we buy our own car. I didn’t think this was a priority. He insisted and I add ₵5000 to meet up with the total sum of the car and I did. The sad thing is that I’m still paying for the balance plus maintenance and fuel.

Our baby is almost a year now, so I prepared his CV and started sending in applications on his behalf. I suggested we take her to school so that he can try to get back on his feet. He had said our baby was too small to go to creche at 10 months.

We have an on going project to which I discovered that he inflates bills and presents one that he has doubled. I confronted him and he got angry, saying that I disrespected him by going behind his back to ask contractors questions.

I told him to be truthful if he doesn’t want to be disrespected. He said he wasn’t ready for argument but I still gave him a piece of my mind. He got angry and started hitting me, to the extent of breaking a bottle and threatened to stab me with it.

I ran and locked myself up in the bedroom. I called his sister amidst tears telling her everything and that I’m leaving. She called their mom who also called me. An hour later, his mom came in the company of his elder brother. She insulted him very well and even asked him to beat her also since he has the strength.

He apologised to her but wouldn’t tell her what happened. She asked me and I explained everything even to his joblessness which he didn’t want them to know. He told them that my voice was loud when I confronted him and he doesn’t want neighbours to hear us fight that was why he said he wasn’t ready to talk which I didn’t heed to, and that I cursed him because I said some bitter things after he hit me.

We were both advised and his mom begged me not to leave. She said that I should come stay with her if I feel unsafe here to which I said no. It’s been over a week now and we sleep in separate rooms.

He doesn’t talk nor eat my food. His mom calls to check on me while his sister whom I called earlier when the issue came up hasn’t called me since then. I don’t know what he told her. Should I call her? Did I go overboard with what I did?