Dear MIMsters: Like a Bad Joke, Right Under My Nose, My MIL Has Organized a New Wife for My Hubby and What Is My Offense?
I want to wake up from this dream that seems like a bad joke. What was my offense?
My husband and I got married three years ago, and we live in one of the African countries until last year when I decided to come to Nigeria for my NYSC. I decided to come to Nigeria for my National Youth Service not knowing that that would be the end of my once rosy and beautiful marriage.
My husband is a very kind and caring man even though he has some small flaws that I tolerate because I know no man is perfect. I got to Nigeria and was posted to my husband’s state, he wanted to get me a house in town where I could stay and he even paid for it.
I was asked to go and collect the house keys but the day I went, the person who was supposed to bring the key to me didn’t show up and the company I was posted to said they won’t be needing my services everyday so I could come once in a week.
As a result of that, my husband said I should go and retrieve the money from the lawyer and that I should go to work from his family house in the village since my services won’t be needed everyday at the office so that we would not waste money that could be used for other things because we are building our own house in the village. I accepted and that was the beginning of my problem.
My mother-in-law won’t let me be to the extent that she said she doesn’t like me calling her son- my husband “baby” as I fondly called him. Everything I do is wrong to her. She even told her son that he pampers me too much and I carry myself up too much even though I am yet to give my husband a child.
My mother’s-in-law last son is up to 30years but he doesn’t do anything even my husband had taken him outside the country to where he is based so that he could help him stand on his feet but his stubbornness and love for marijuana made him send him back to Nigeria and all he does here is to cause problems everywhere.
He would urinate through the windows of his room so anytime I want to sweep the compound in the morning, I will be inhaling it and his elder brother ‘s kids do play around there with the sand and we also walk through there so I told my mother-in-law to tell him not to be urinating there, she said she has told him several times but he won’t listen so one day I decided that I wouldn’t be sweeping that side where he urinates since he has refused to stop, and that he should be sweeping it by himself.
When my mother-in-law noticed that I had stopped sweeping that side, she started shouting at me that I wanted to divide her home and I tried to explain to her that the stench was too much for me but she wouldn’t listen to me instead, she started keeping malice with me such that whenever I greeted her she would not respond.
My husband would visit once every month since I started staying with his people and anytime he was visiting, he would tell me what he would like to eat and I would prepare it for the whole family. Mind you, sometimes I give my mother-in-law out of the money my husband gives me for my upkeep to buy food stuff or I would buy it myself, cook it and give everyone to eat of it but because of what happened, when my husband told me what to cook and I cooked in large quantity for every body, she also went and bought her own food stuffs and prepared another soup. Meanwhile, ever since the issue I had with her, she and her children had stopped eating any food I cooked.
When my husband came back and I tried to serve him his food, I was shocked to see that my mother-in-law had already brought her own food so I left with the food. So when we went to bed I asked my husband if the soup he ate was the one he requested for from me and he said it was not so I asked him why he didn’t ask for the soup he requested for and he said he didn’t know we made two soups so I had to tell him everything that has been happening. He said I should not worry that he would take care of the situation.
The next day, his mum sent someone to call him even though it was early and when he returned, he said i should go and apologize to his mum whether she was wrong or right for peace to reign so I went and apologized to her. I told her that I left my own family to be with hers and that she is now my mother and that if I do anything she doesn’t like, she should just call my attention and if I have any explanations for my action, I will give otherwise I will take precautions.
I take care of this woman more than my own mother God bear me witness; anything she complains that she is lacking, I make sure I get it for her. I didn’t know that she had started making preparations to marry another wife for her son.
After that quarrel, she started pressuring my husband on the phone to take another wife that will bear him children but he refused telling her that it’s only God that gives children and that he would wait.
All of a sudden, my husband started pressuring me that we should get a girl that will come and give us children but I told him to give me from now till the end of this year which he refused. I have finished my youth service since December but his mum won’t let him take me back to our base, she wants him to take another woman with him and leave me here.
We saw a doctor and we found out that one of my tubes was blocked and my husband’s sperm counts is not full but he has refused to take all the medications we were given at the hospital.
Now my husband who used to support me and encourage me is now dancing to his mom’s tune on every situation. I have prayed and gone to churches where I was told that he is under a spell and he is being controlled like with a remote in the spirit.
This is someone that never liked to see me in tears and as God would have it, I went for HSG test again and my tubes now Ok; no more blockage and I gave him the good news thinking it would make him change his mind but he told me that it’s not a guarantee that I am Ok and will bear him children.
Without telling me, he sent his parents some money with which to pay the lady’s bride price. The last time he came back was when I got to know that he has met the girl; I didn’t know that he had accepted to betray me. He bought her clothes and when I asked him who owned the clothes, he said someone gave him to give to someone. He bought her a new phone forgetting that my phone is bad and he promised to buy me phone so I noticed that he opened a new Facebook account and he didn’t add me so I went through the friend list and saw the girl wearing one of those clothes I saw with him and that was when he accepted that he wants to marry the girl.
Now he doesn’t want me to go because he wedded me in church and he loves me but I can’t share my husband with another woman and I can’t take his family influence in our marriage anymore because they will continue to meddle and lest I forget, the so called girl sent me a message insulting me that someone told her that I have been going to churches with her picture that I should not face her rather I should face my mother-in-law and her family that they were the ones that convinced her; that she thought I would accept her that I don’t have anything upstairs.
Dear mothers, please I need your advice on how to get a divorce from a catholic church wedding since we didn’t do court wedding and my husband is insisting that when he comes back, he would take me and his new wife with him back to our base. I need your advice as the only option I have now is divorce but I don’t know how to go about it.