Dear MIMsters: How Do I Handle My Mum Who Is Contravening All The Principles and Values She Once Taught Me

How do I handle this situation with my mum who is contravening to the principles and values that she once taught me?

My mum has two kids. My sister who is 24 years old and me, 21 years old. My mum is a good mother who is always looking out for us and teaches us how to be well behaved women and a lot of other things.

With credit to my mum, I have learnt a lot of good values which include dignity, self respect and self virtue which I am so proud of. The problem is that in recent times, the kind of advice that my mum has been giving are going against all the values she’s taught me over the years.

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I have observed that my mum is kind of materialistic, very manipulative and controlling who likes things to be done only in her own way. It didn’t use to bother me too much in the past, but recently, it’s been driving me crazy!!

My sister is dating this guy who is based abroad. Since my mum got to know about it, she has stopped giving my sister financial support whenever my sister asks for allowance. My mum will tell her to instead ask this guy for money. This has gone up to the extent that he is now the one presently paying my sis final year tuition.

In my case, there is this guy running after me for a relationship who I have rejected him countless number of times. Then, we agreed to just stay friends.

One day, he came to see me at my mum’s store and met my mum. They talked for a while and he told mum that he really likes me and would like to marry me if I accept but I have been reluctant. Afterwards my mum spoke to me, I told her I don’t see a future between me and the guy in question, but guess what , my mum doesn’t want to listen, she says the guy is serious, bold, respectful, courageous and she likes him. He is actually my first suitor.

To stop her from continuing, I just told her that I have heard. My mum kept on pushing me until she started calling the guy to come around when ever I am at the shop. Reluctantly, I started dating this guy to keep him away from my mum, even after knowing fully well that I won’t be able to love this guy in question. I didn’t tell her that I have started dating the guy because I don’t want her to push my financial responsibility on the guy like she did to my sister. But it’s been one annoying act or the other displayed by my mum.

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My rent is due and as a student, we pay our rents yearly in one or two installments. When I told my mum, she told me to ask the guy for the rents, saying that since he says he loves me, he should be able to take care of my financial needs, and yes he works. She even asked me to tell the guy to get me some stuffs for this festive period, which I didn’t do of course. This is because as a lady, I believe in setting standards and having self respect. Besides, I don’t want to grow up being dependent on a man like my mum was for most of her life.

I can’t really say her problem is the money really because I have told her that when I start my business at the end of the month, I will gradually add something to what my uncle has sent to me already to pay for my rent. She can the contribute whatever she can lays her hands on from her business, but she is just adamant. I even had a talk with her, telling her that all these things she is asking me to do is not right and that it will make me look helpless, vulnerable and desperate before this guy. He is a guy I have no plans to have anything to do with. But guess what she told me?

She said that girls do this all the time. They use men to establish themselves and even help their families, so I should stop complaining and be wise. What almost drove me mad is when she went ahead to tell me that her friend’s oldest daughter who is just 17 years, a school drop out with no job, has been the one taking care of her younger sister who is 13 years old. She does this using the money she gets from men. Meanwhile, according to my mum, my sister who is a final year student cannot buy me simple dresses for school. I died 3 times over and over again to think that my own mum would even say something like that to me. My mum who has always been my role model has suddenly become someone else.

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I really need advice on how to handle this issue. Please, I beg of you all not to insult my mum. All I need is your opinion and advice on the issue. Thank you and God bless you.