Dear MIMsters: Is Returning to My Husband A Mistake?

Is returning to my husband a mistake?

I’m 27, been married for 3 years with 3 kids within the age range of 4 years and 6 months old. During these 3 years, when I was with the last pregnancy, we separated for a year. The whole issue started when I took ill and no hospital could tell me what was wrong with me.

We went to church and were told my husband wanted to use me for rituals. We went to another church and we were told that the witches in our family wants to destroy our marriage. I got scared and confused. I was prayed for and I recovered a little.

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A pastor warned me to break up the marriage if I wanted to live. So, I returned my dowry to his people but I still didn’t get better. His family took me to another hospital, tests were carried out and their results were good but I was still sick.

This guy has abused me physically and emotionally all through my pregnancies. He’s an alcoholic, party freak and a spender with friends. In search of solution to my illness, he took me to a white garment church and I improved just a bit. At this church, I was told to get pregnant but I declined because I was not yet ready to handle another pregnancy.

Soon after, my husband hit me, so I decided to end it all. I packed and left the house. Later, the church elders called me and he apologized. We got back together and I got pregnant. That was my doom. My husband started spending money partying away. He would insult me when I complain and won’t take me to the hospital when I fall ill. So, I went back to my mum where my health condition became even worse. Instead of going to the hospital, I ended up sleeping in the church my husband took me to with no help from him.

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Rather, he went in for another girl. Meanwhile, I was advised not to abort but reconcile with my husband which I did. He told me that he could no longer take care of me and sent me to stay with his mum who rained insults on me. My health condition got worsened, so I had to run back to the church. I squatted at the church for 7 months and instead of my husband to look after me with my pregnancy, he would insult me and chase other girls around, leaving me to suffer.

He told me that our marriage is over. I begged him to at least rent a room for me and he insulted me to the core. My mum and brothers have been the one supporting me. I gave birth and my husband didn’t even even mark the birth of his child with a naming ceremony.

Things went from bad to worse for my husband, so much that he could no longer afford a meal, while I am here wondering how I will survive with 3 kids. Everyone is tired of helping me and my mum is jobless. We all rely on my brother who lives abroad  but is also tired of helping us.

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A pastor friend advised me to return to my husband as a way of alleviating my suffering so that the kids can discontinue putting up at the church with me. My mum can’t also take care of them because of her health issues. I took this friend’s advice and returned to my husband to see if he has truly changed.

My husband told that he has changed and it’s been a month since I came back. He promised me to sell his car and use the proceeds to start up a business for me but he hasn’t yet done that. Meanwhile, my kids are still not in school and I don’t know what else to do now. I am wondering, did I make a mistake to come back to him? Should I not move to another region to start a new life? And if I do, how am I going to survive? We have been living from hand to mouth which has made my husband resort to internet fraud as a means of livelihood.