Dear MIMsters: I Am Single and Frustrated All Thanks To My Parent’s Terrible Marriage

I am 23, single and feeling really frustrated.

Part of my frustration is from home due to my father, my mother and their terrible marriage which they all dragged us in and rendered us useless.

I’m sorry that my story is so detailed and long. I hope you read and give me the necessary advice.

Home has been hell. My father has shown us (children and mother inclusive) hell for many years now. He beats, nags, complains a lot, insults, and talks to people anyhow without minding their feelings. People complain so much about his attitude, yet he isn’t ready to change for good.

My mum is a housewife and uneducated who comes from a poor background. My father helps her and her family financially. He constantly uses these things against my mother. He is neither a good husband nor a good father. The only thing I am grateful for that he did, is paying our school fees. This is the only thing I use to remember him for good.

Apart from that, he tortures and humiliates us unexplainable, financially. He does not want anyone to work or be financially independent. No one works, it’s either you go to school or stay at home. We just go to school to acquire certificates. The worst is that he has so much money, yet he is not even planning to set up a business or an organization for any of us to manage.

I have applied for jobs and called for these jobs on several occasions but he stops me from going to work. He uses housework and cooking to keep me at home. I stay at home to cook for him and the household. In fact, I cook everyday. I have suddenly become the home chef without pay.

I don’t even have money to take care of myself. He has rendered our lives useless with his rules, policies and regulations. He drives friends away when they visit. Thanks to his attitude, I can’t date, I can’t have a solid relationship or let alone, friendship. All the friends I had ran away from me because of him. I’m friendless and alone in this world.

Another part of my frustration is my parent’s 26 year old marriage. It’s seems so shaky, and abusive. I don’t like the way my dad treats my mum and they way it seems he might kill my mother to marry a new wife.

I do have discussions with her and she tells me everything. She told me that my father wants to marry a new wife. This new woman is a dedicated member of our church. Since it is impossible for a pastor to marry two women at a time. He wants to kill my mother and marry this woman afterwards.

Seriously I don’t know if he is charmed, possessed or is into something because I don’t understand why a grown up man could be so mean, harsh and wicked by letting his friend make decisions in his home.

His friend has destroyed everything for him. From blackmailing him, to destroying his career, to calling my mother a witch and also calling all of us the children, witches. Despite all these, my father still trusts this man.

His friend collaborated with this new woman to kill my mother so they can throw all of us out of the house, kill my father and take all his properties. How wicked bad friends could be. The little resources he could use to take good care of us and empower us to stand on our own. He spends it on that woman and to train her child neglecting us. I have told my mother to report him to church authority but she refuses saying she doesn’t want shame.

I am tired of all these mess from a senseless and irresponsible father. I have brought in elders to talk to him but he wouldn’t listen. I am tired. Next year I will be going for service. I wouldn’t love going to his house because life there is hell.

How do I get my life back, I do I get self esteem, how do I get love because my father has messed up everything, how do I break up from his bondage?