Dear MIMsters: Why Did My Mother Tell My Fiance These Nasty Things About Me?

Why did my mother tell my fiance these nasty things about me? Is she truly my mother?

My mom and I had a misunderstanding and unknown to me she called my fiance to come over to our house and told him she was taking her hands off me and our wedding.

Our wedding is fixed for July/August this year. She told him that I’m very disrespectful and full of pride and that if he gets married to me, I’ll fight his sisters, his mother and I will never respect him as my husband. She told him all these things in my presence.

My fiance (28) is the only son of his parents. He lost his dad many years ago.

She went on to say that I am very lazy, do not do chores at home, that I am very dirty and that my room is like a pig’s pen. She said so many awful things about me and my fiance apologized to her. She asked him how will he manage a girl like me, that I’ll be a thorn in his flesh and so many things I can’t type.

She apologized later but I openly told her I don’t think I can continue with the wedding anymore. I told her if she wanted to report me to my fiance it’s a different case, but right now, she has successfully tarnished my image which he’ll never forget and tomorrow when a problem arises, he’ll use it against me.

I told her to refund the money she’s been given for the wedding and she said that if I change, she’ll call him and tell him I have changed and he’ll accept that I’m a new leaf. I told her we are human beings and it isn’t as she thinks and she doesn’t know the gravity of what she has done just because she wants to buttress her point of me being disrespectful. She asked my fiance in my presence that why would he want a so-called girl like me and that he’ll suffer from my attitude. She repeatedly told him that my room stinks and it’s like a dust bin.

I don’t know what I’ve done to my mother to make her tell my fiance all these. I have checked my room and I don’t know how it stinks and how it is dirty? I have thought over it and concluded that if I get married to him, I’ll suffer because he’ll forever believe what she has told him. I can’t even explain the way she said it. She mentioned the names of his sisters and said I’ll fight all of them and that my heart is so wicked and hard. She told him his mother will suffer because of me.

This has left me weak and unable to sleep and I have been crying in my room. My head is aching badly.

My mum never admits to hurting me deeply. She always says, “swallow it, whatever I do to you.” Ever since I got engaged to my fiance, she complains he does not take care of me. He owns a fashion house where I work and I’m paid based on a percentage. She questions how I spend my money and why I do not wear good clothes. She asks, what if he breaks up with me, then I must have wasted my life.

Whenever she says these things, it always leads to a serious misunderstanding between us. I try to defend him by telling her that he has just rented a bigger building that he had to equip with machines and stock, so, the money isn’t flowing. Whenever I ask her for little assistance is when she tells me all these things and other things that hurt me badly.

The other day she asked me how much is cream and soap that my fiance can’t buy for me. She has also asked in the cause of an argument if he has ever bought pants for me. The whole thing depresses me badly and whenever she talks, I get really angry and sometimes I ignore and stay on my own without talking to anyone as I keep on thinking about it.

I am a 22, a 400 level student. It’s not like I’m earning so much money but she feels since I am engaged, my fiance should give me everything. As I type this message, I have not paid my fees because she says I’m working, so I should save up to pay my fees and I can drop out if I choose to because she has to pay my younger sister’s school fees and our house rent.

I have been crying for nights now thinking of how to raise money before registrations close. I can’t afford to miss this semester again.

Due to this, I’ve thought of going to the streets to meet men that will help me raise the money before registrations close.

She says I’m disrespectful simply because whenever she complains about my fiance’s inability to take care of me, I don’t give her listening ears. The kind of things she says about him like, “if he can’t do it now, is it after you get married?” The other day she asked if he can even afford the wedding and a lot of other things.

I’m hurt by how she called him to tell her truth filled with lies. My heart is very bitter and I’ve made up my mind to leave the relationship for good and go to the streets to find help to pay my fees.

Even when I told her in his presence that she has tarnished my image for life, her reply was that I don’t have sense and that he should take a look at the so-called girl he’ll end up with. I admit sometimes I have anger problems but the gravity of the things she says makes me wonder if truly she is my mother.

I’m depressed and I need advice.