Dear MIMsters: My Mother is Opposing Me Wedding An Edo Girl For These Reasons

My mother is opposing my intention to marry my girl who is from Edo state. I need your advice on what to do.

I’m a young man in my early 30s. I went through the University without engaging in any relationship. Actually, I graduated as a virgin.

I’d been begging God to give me my life partner, and that will be the only woman I would ever sleep with. I’m an Igbo man.

During my one year compulsory service, I met this young lady in my place of work who had not gone to the higher education due to lack of finances but she had zeal to further her education.

We started talking and I found out that she has a good family upbringing. She displayed qualities of what I want in a good wife. The only problem was that she had not attended a higher institution and that she’s from Edo State (Esan to be precise).

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I was like her boss at a place of work but our interaction was very platonic. I never showed her any sign that I was interested in her. She never even thought that I would be interested in her. However, we got on well and I was very much aware that she liked me (seemingly because of my personality) as much I did like her.

On the eve of the end of my service, she was crying that she would miss me. I also told her that I would miss her. I told her that we are still friends and that I would like to enter into a relationship with her. That if the relationship went well, we would become married. She accepted my proposal without qualms. I then left the state (Edo) the following day. Our relationship went on well.

Right now we have dated for six years. She has attended polytechnic (ND) but is trying seriously to enter the University.

The problem is that my people are vehemently opposing it. The arrowhead in the opposition is my mother. I’m the favorite child of my mother. I’m also the first son of our parents. I have sisters too.

Initially, almost all my siblings were on my side. But when they saw the great opposition from our mother, they started pressurizing me to dump the lady. My brother even went to several prayer houses where they told him that the young lady would not be a good wife to me.

Mind you, I have prayed and even asked some people to help me pray. They told me that what they saw was positive. That I should go on and marry her. On one of those occasions, my brother invited prayer warriors to our house.

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However, when they finished playing, they told my people that they should leave me alone that the lady is meant for me. However, my mother said over her dead body would she allow me marry the lady.

Her reasons are 1. She is from Edo State (Esan to be precise) ; the distance is far.

2. Edo (Esan) girls are promiscuous (Remember I met this girl a virgin)

3. Edo (Esan) girls don’t stay in their husbands’ house.

4. Edo people are diabolical.

5. When a married Esan woman dies, you must bury her body in her father’s compound.

All this while, I have reported to the my priests (three priests) and a Reverend brother about the problem. Only one of the priest opposed me. One asked my mother to support me but to no avail.

Before I forget, this lady is beautiful and has received many marriage proposals from rich men (especially from people living abroad) but she has rejected all of them because of me. She said that she knows what she wants.

When I started having a double mind about our relationship because of my people’s opposition, I told her. She almost died. She even wanted to commit suicide. She is not even ready to accept any compensations.

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The problems I’m having now are these:

1. It’s becoming obvious that if I marry her, there will be no peace in my family.

2. I don’t have the mind to break her heart.

However, my father called me a few months back to tell me that he is ready to accompany me to officially go and meet my girl’s family. I guess it’s because of my uncle’s pressure. My father has penchant to change his mind easily under pressure. My mother can easily influence his decision. Some of my siblings have been telling me about some bad dreams they have been having about me.

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My dear people, I’m in a state of dilemma. Please, I need your suggestions. Thanks in advance.