A Must Read! How to Love a Woman With a Troubled Past (Part 1)

Before you say what you’re about to say; before you do what you’re about to do, pause for a while. And read this because you need to be careful.

Be careful with the woman you’re with.

She’s fragile. She’s bursting at the seams from incidents, mistakes and lessons from the past—the loss, betrayal, abandonment and aggression of love—in so many forms and from so many people—all gone wrong. But she doesn’t show it. She doesn’t want you to see the battered side of her; or what’s left of it. She doesn’t want you to be hurt or alarmed. She doesn’t want to scare you away or take you off-guard.

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You see, for once in her life, she sees something lasting for good. For once, she sees the good through and through someone’s soul. She sees someone who won’t take from her without anything at all. For once, she sees a person who is good and kind and will give as much as they get, or maybe more. And to be completely honest, she’s never felt luckier; a little scared even that she might jinx it all. She’s used to things and people being too good to be true. And that’s why she wants to preserve one of the few good things, or souls in her life, by not tarnishing your mental image with her past experiences. And that’s why you don’t see what I’m about to show you; that’s why you will never know what I’m about to tell you because she will never say it.

Be careful with the woman you’re with for she has been through a lot. And you don’t know the half of it. Sure, she’s told you stories about her past; incidents that left her scarred. But, you weren’t there to witness it with her. You don’t know what it’s really like. She’s seen storms stir up and she’s been in the middle of it. She’s see battles start and end, leaving her bruised. No, the battle didn’t break her. But, it broke the spirit in her to see what it did to those she cared for.
She’s seen things blow up right in front of her eyes. So, don’t blame her for being too scared of coming too close.

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Be careful with the woman you’re with. You don’t know what she’s been through—from trivial fights to abusive episodes; from depressive states to domestic violence. She’s watched as love turned sour and upturned everything in its way. She’s seen the warmth of a loved one turn into the wrath of betrayal. She’s seen aggression stem from nothing and nowhere and ruin the very core of a person. And she’s stood helpless not knowing what to do. She’s seen people hurt; she has hurt alongside. She’s seen anxiety ruin a person and panic destroy a place. She’s seen tears and scars; fire and flood. She’s burned and drowned; and cried and bruised.

Be careful with the woman you’re with because she’ll never let you into her darkness in fear of having consumed you with it. She will keep you where the light shines brightest so she can always see you happy.

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And so, take her gently by the hand; assure her that you don’t scare easily. That you will be standing right where you are—next to her—even after she has shown you the darkest parts of her soul. Cajole her; she will need it more than once, just like she would need your reassurance, time and again; each time as gentle, but more pressing than the last. You’ll see her cry; and when she does, it will either be tiny sniffles or silent sobs that leave both of you speechless. Be there when she cries, hold her safely so she knows no harm will come to her; that she’s not going to get hurt. Let her know that unlike the others who let the tears dry off her cheeks as she lay exhausted and spent from all the sorrow, you will wipe away each drop that leaves her eyes; that you will console her, even when she is inconsolable.

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She’s been to the abyss and feared never being able to get out of it. She’s been to the peak and feared falling off into nothing. She’s felt the hurt—physical, mental and emotional. Some scars have healed; others, not so much. Some scars still show through the marks on her skin; others, not so much. But, it’s the ones that she’s hiding; the ones that can’t be seen that she’s still battling. When you see her scars—which will take time and patience—caress them for they are a part of her now. They made her what she is—bittersweet and rough around the edges. Be the healing she needs in the most desperate of times. And know that there will be many such times.

Source: MensXP/Dessidre Fleming