Dear MIMsters: My Husband is Perfect But for this One Thing. Would I Be Wrong to Ask for a Divorce?

Shile is almost the perfect husband and father but can I keep living in this marriage? It’s been like this these past fifteen years and I am tired!

Shile and I met in school. I still hold those memories very close to my heart. I had travelled all the way to Benin without knowing anybody there I could rely on for necessary assistance. I wrote JAMB and made very good marks. While everyone was running helter skelter at the admissions office, I felt someone touch me gently.

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I turned around and looked straight into the most pleasant brown eyes I have ever seen. And I must confess that I loved what I saw! Before him, a silly tall and fair in complexion guy had come to me. He was so full of himself asking if I needed help with my admission. He told me he wouldn’t take payment in cash but in kind. Of course I ignored him but when the brown eyes guy came and with the way he approached me, I smiled.

He asked how he could help me and I told him I was seeking an admission. When he saw my scores, he assured me that I would be admitted because I scored above the cut off mark. As it turned out, he was a final year student in the very department I was seeking admissions into, so from that time till I settled down, Shile was on top of everything that I had to do.

He assisted me with my registrations, bought lunch for me severally, helped me settle in school, advised me on what courses to choose and guided me throughout my first year.

Shile was a gentleman in all ramifications who never took advantage of me.

He graduated and we lost touch. There was no GSM phones in those days, so we couldn’t contact each other. In my third year, I got a letter from a course mate of mine who said his family had just relocated to a new neighbourhood where he met someone who in the course of their discussions, asked if he knew me. This person had written to me through this course mate of mine. When I opened the letter, it was from Shile. How elated I was! That was how we reconnected. From then on, we became inseparable.

By the time I was leaving for NYSC, we were already dating. Did I mention to you that Shile helped me with my final year project? No! He did not write it for me. He ‘supervised’ me while I wrote it and by the time I got each chapter to my supervisor, he never had anything more to add or subtract. Needless to say, I got the best grade in project work in my department in my set.

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After NYSC, Shile who was already working in a private firm asked me to marry him and I agreed. Our wedding was low key because that was what we could afford but it didn’t matter; we were too in love to notice the snide remarks from some people who felt we should have waited a bit more before jumping into marriage.

And in quick succession, we had two boys.

Just like the day I met him in school, Shile has been very supportive. Did I tell you that while in school, he helped me with my laundry a few times?

Ever since we got married, Shile has been the one in charge of running the home. He does the entire laundry of the whole family, gets the kids ready for school everyday, tidies the house and engages the boys along with him. He helps the children with their school work, attends PTA meetings and he is the one our children’s teachers know and is very hands on with the boys

Our sons love him very much and they are never afraid to talk to him. Shile is very kind hearted. He treats people no matter whom or what you are with so much kindness. He does not dictate what food to eat; he eats whatever is given to him and it is always with thanks. He allows me freedom to move as I want. He trusts me and he does not trouble me. His family members are pleasant to me. His mother is my gist-mate. His father seeks my counsel every now and then. His siblings cherish me and I cherish them, too. His friends respect me and he does not allow anyone to disrespect me. Shile is very kind, thoughtful, respectful, loving, godly, hardworking, and loyal but he is poor.

He lost his job in the first year of our marriage and when he couldn’t secure another job, he started a business of his own. In the past 12 years of running his own business, Shile cannot boast of a hundred thousand naira. The financial responsibility of the family rests totally on my shoulder and I am tired. I owe a lot of money because my meagre salary is not able to sustain us and I am tired of running into debt every now and then. I am tired of the role reversal in my home.

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When it has to do with money, my sons come to me but with every other thing, they go to their father. I do not want to raise sons who would grow up thinking it is the place of the wife to supply financial needs. I do not want to raise boys who would grow into men thinking that what obtains in my home is the norm. My husband is almost perfect except for this ‘one but’ in his life and this is driving me crazy. I want out of this marriage! Would I be wrong to ask for a divorce?