Top 10 Reasons Married Parents Avoid Divorce
One in four unhappy couples are only planning to stay together until their kids grow up – so they don’t have to grow up with the trauma of a divorce.
Affairs, growing apart and ‘becoming more like friends’ are among the top reasons for being unhappy in a relationship. And almost one in five are considering staying together over the Christmas period before putting an end to their marriage in January.
Of those who are now divorced, one in four stayed in the relationship longer than they wanted to for the children. And almost eight in ten now regret doing so.
A study of 2,000 married parents found four in ten are currently in a marriage they aren’t completely happy with. But more than a third say they have too much to lose to get divorced.
Around 37% of married parents admit they have held off asking their other half for a divorce due to concerns about how it would affect their children.
One in five unhappy parents admitted to waiting until their children reached at least 14 before going ahead with a divorce.
Martin Loxley, Head of the Family Law team at Irwin Mitchell solicitors, which commissioned the research, warned: “In some cases, children feel ‘cheated’ if, when they get older, they realize their parents were putting on a ‘front’ during their childhoods. While it is an understandable reaction… in some cases doing so may only serve to increase the long term adverse effects on them. Children can often pick up on things”
Other reasons for swerving a divorce include not having the money to move out or live alone.
Some people surveyed claimed they wanted more time to consider things before making a final decision.
Researchers also found 18 per cent have a date in mind to end their relationship, but while more than one in five have set this at a couple of months, one in twenty are planning to wait ten years or more.
So, married parents stay in an unhappy marriage because they:
1. Have too much to lose
2. Are worried about the impact on the children
3. Can’t afford to move out/live on my own
4. Can’t afford to go through a divorce
5. Want to give it some more time before making a final decision
6. Stigma of divorce
7. For their partner’s money
8. Are worried about how they will manage contact with the children
9. Worry they won’t meet anyone else
10. Have too many shared financial interests
These parents keep up appearances by:
1. Keeping problems bottled up rather than discussing them
2. Arguing in a different room/away from children
3. Enjoying family Christmas and birthdays
4. Sleeping in the same bed
5. Going on family holidays
6. Going on family day trips
7. Cuddling up on the sofa to watch TV in front of the children
8. Kissing each other goodbye in the mornings
9. Holding hands
10. Going on date nights
What’s your take on the findings of this research?
Source: mirror.co.uk
No 2: sometimes being together is worse than staying apart
Quite true….the 2 main reasons as mentioned already why partners hold back on divorce is their children and finance, how to cope alone.
Well I think if a couple stl have time to pretend in a marriage to d extent of kissing goodbye& cuddling in front of kids then their marriage really needs them to work on it. I can’t probably compare it to Africa where a partner openly insults d other in front of d kids &even batters her where d kids r& she says she is there for d kids it’s in ds kind of case I agree wt d researchers that there shld b a break as it is probably affecting d kids
Sometimes been apart is better off and helps couple realize each other’s worth. I don’t advice anybody whether man or woman to be in an unhappy marriage. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured. My mum endured hers for years for the sake of her kids and that marriage still broke because my father wasn’t ready to work things out. She was the only one trying to make them work it was quiet sad anyways. If been apart is the only way to make someone realize their self worth then I think they should separate from their spouse for sometime. I know the toll it takes on the kids but I would rather have a happy single mom than a sad married mother…
There’s every reason to avoid divorce. its very heart breaking. it is not a thing I will consider
A woman can bear every pain for the sake of her children. Even when she is not happy with the situations around her, she pretends to be happy so that her children will not be affected, Most children That grew up without their parents been together are always affected, either physically, emotional, mentally and also in their education. These are the things some mothers see, and deciede to bear for their sake.
Many women have endured and some are still enduring. I agree with the 1st point but not in total agreement with the 2nd part.
And this is a good reason to know ur partner so well before walking down the aisle
No matter d situation in marriage divorce is never d solution,b’cos we hav already sworn for better for poorer,in sickness nd in health till DEATH do us part,God also said that watever he has joined together let no man or woman put assunder so divorce is never a solution.Thanks
divorce is not good,it has both social and psychologica effect on both the parents and children, but when there is iireconcealable difference that carries domestic violence,i believe it will be inevitable at that juncture.
Where two different individuals are involved, challenge is bound to happen.. Personally the only justification to divorce is cheating or serious abuse. Otherwise, i think couples can work on their challenges in marriage if they are both willing.
Hmm! I’m learning
But how can the percentage of devorce be reduced. Cause its becoming so rampant.
If they can put in half the effort they use in “putting up a front” in their marriage then the marriage will have hopes of surviving. Marriage is work both parties need to work on keeping it alive .
the stigma. no 6. worst in africa
Quite true, but is it all worth sacrificing your happiness for at the end of the day. Some will say they are doing it for the children,these children will leave one day, then you have an empty nest and become miserably unhappy in old age.
Keeping issues bottle up without discussing them and pretending to the children. My humble submision is for them to sit down and discuss the root of their marital crisis and profer solution to it because there is no problem without solution especially when the God factor is involved.
You cant know your patner enough because when u get married,you Bégin to See another side of Them.i jst feel rather than dyin.if Its Nt wrking ,walk out .
All points are correct, but I think if partners go into marriage with plans of building a healthy family and work hard to see this work out by being understanding and calm, then they can achieve a happy marriage together.
the stigma of divorce.and also the ridicules from people on a divorced person could make them want to stay put and endure
Divoce is d wosrs thing ever
well, i wouldn’t advice people to divorce but when the relationship is toxic and could affect lives…i’ll say do the needful
these are the fact… our married people suppose to know…
pure fact. Divorce is so rampant these days. May God help marriages.
I strongly believe couples can make a conscious effort to make their marriage work. It’s all about committment. But when there is abuse(epecially physical) run for you dear life.
divorce is never d solution to marrital problems.even after remarrying u find out dat d oda spouse has his or her flaws nd dis time in oda not to start counting hw many divorce one has gone tru u decide to learn to put up wit one anoda wat could av been done at d onset.no one is perfect.my opinion bfore and after entering into holy matrimony always learn to put up wit ppl get to knw der strength md weeknesses.and wit Gods backing problems will b few cuz even d bible says d married ones will av thorn in der flesh.those who entered it xpecting tins to go only der on way end up frustrated nd seek divorce as solution.
If they can put in half the effort they use in “putting up a front” in their marriage then the marriage will have hopes of surviving. Marriage is work both parties need to work on keeping it alive .
The kids are always in the middle of it all. Thats y many of the married couples still continue to endure
I’ll only advise for divorce in the case of continuous physical abuse or constant cheating.But for any other reason,couples should learn how to resolve their issues and move on with their lives.That’s why it’s good to know your partner well before walking down the aisle,though some change after sha
To stay in the marriage is sometimes better because of the children
There’s a saying that where two elephants fight that it’s the grasses that suffers. Divorce is a terrible thing and it leaves a lot of horrible memories on the children. Since marriage is meant for adults and not for kids, when i say adults, i mean matured minds, we should strive hard and make some sacrifices to make it work and save our children from going through trauma. Instead of trying to put -up a nice attitude to deceive the public, why not invest the time on working on the marriage to make it work.
Well marriage is all about sacrifices especially for the sake of our children. If it’s not a life threatening issues I believe it worths the sacrifice
Sometimes pretending for the kids sakes works wonders. Its just good we know divorce should be the last resort wen other options have failed
If the situation is not life threatening then couples can still stay together for the sake of their children.
Real facts!
I pray and hope not to experience this.. very hurting.
Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice especially when children are involve, no woman would like to leave her children behind for another woman to look after them,so d best thing to do is to have patient except a case were physical violence and abuse is involve then divorce should be considered.