Dear MIMsters: What Should I Do to Get Out of This Huge Mess?

I’m in a huge mess.

After so many heartbreaks and disappointments, I met this young man a year ago. Physically, he wasn’t what I wanted in a man but I decided to date him cos I felt he was very responsible and had good plans for me.

He attends a white garment church which was a very big problem for me. I told him that we can’t have a relationship for that reason. He begged and convinced me that he wasn’t a serious member of the church and can attend any other church. He even followed me to my own church to prove to me that he wasn’t a serious CCC member. I became a lot more relaxed and comfortable dating him.

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Three months into the relationship, I got pregnant. He wasn’t happy because he had just lost his job, but he said we should keep the baby. He came to see my family to explain why he won’t be able to afford a big wedding. My family understood and asked him to just do an official family introduction and a court wedding but he bluntly refused to concede to a court wedding for no reason. Due to his refusal to do a court wedding, my family refused to accept the introduction because to them, that’s no wedding.

I remained in my home with my pregnancy as he refused to let me move in with him. He said he couldn’t feed his younger brother living with him and me at the same time, even though he supported me with some money sometimes. I was miserable and ashamed.

When I was 8 months gone, he got a job but still refused to allow me move in. When I was almost due and told him I was leaving to have my baby at Ibadan, he got angry and practically came to move me into his house.

I had my baby via a C-section. He invited his mother to Lagos and they both threw a big party without my consent. Let me talk a little bit about his mum.

They are so close to the extent that she calls him about 20 times a day. He discusses everything with her, even our private talks and she tells him what to do. He even prefers her company than mine. In fact, the bonding a man should have with his wife is what he has with his mother.

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He hardly plays or jists with me. I’m just someone who cooks, does his laundry, house chores and maybe bare him children. When I try to play or gist with him, he’ll ask me to give him his space, but will be calling his mum the next minute, laughing and jisting with her. We only get close when he wants sex.

He works in an oil company but doesn’t give me more than N3k every month, meanwhile he spends money on drinks, isiewu, parties and buying things for his mum and siblings.

Back to my story, after I had my baby, he called his mother and they both discussed the names to give our son. I got angry because that’s a decision to be made between me and him, not with his mother and then imposed on me. His mother came to Lagos for Omugwo even though my mum was already here to take care of me and the baby.

She was always watching African Magic and telling my guy how much of a bad wife I am for not being able to serve her meals (barely 2 weeks after C-S). My guy would fight me all day for not being able to cook for his mum. His mother started forcing him to push me into going to his church at all cost and threatened that no marriage will hold if I don’t become a CCC member. My mum was really pissed and a fight broke out between both mothers.

Later, I told my guy that I would like to give my son a biblical since the names he and his mum chose are not Godly. He told me to my face that I have no right to name my own child and that the only names he recognizes are the names they both chose. I got very angry and told my mum that we should both leave and give him space, since I’m not even married to him.

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When my mum calmly told him, he got violent and practically threw us out of his house. Since then, which is a week ago, he hasn’t contacted me to even check on his son and he knows I have no income. I really do not want to marry him anymore but I’m finding it difficult fending for this innocent child (whom he said he now hates when I decided to name him and refused to join his church). I lost my job when I got pregnant and getting another has been very difficult and I have no skills. I really do not know what to do at the moment.