Dear MIMsters: I Can’t Have A Child, So My Husband Wants To Force Me To Do This (Part Two)

Continued from part one

After my husband raised the issue of getting a second wife, he would make reference to that same woman, telling how good a woman she is, even better than me. All these, I still believed was in regard to how she’s been of great assistance to him in his business.

I remember playfully asking him if she wasn’t married, would he have considered marrying her? His answer was “yes!” All these never occurred to me as pointers to any foul play between them.

I remember getting a message on Facebook once, been warned and insulted to leave a married man alone. I called my husband’s attention to it. Even a friend of his vouched for him that there was nothing like that and it was just enemies out to destroy his home and he asked me to block the person which I did.

As usual, he was out of the country most of the time, sometimes as long as four months in a stretch and would visit me if there was any business for him. I say so because I would plead for him to come, but he would shut me off, saying what was he coming there for? And that I should know his absence was in order to make ends meet.

There were times I called him and heard voices of children in the background, if I asked whose children they were, he would say he was at his friend’s place or would shout at me asking what I had against children?

Last year September, he came around for a few weeks, when he was around, I received new Facebook messages, this time they were asking to know if I was married to the same man their cousin is married to. I asked who the man was and they sent me pictures. Lo and behold, it was my husband with a woman and 2 kids. I asked him about it, he denied it first until I showed him the pictures.

Then he got violent and wanted to beat me up and break my phone. Finally, he accepted that it was true but only one of the two kids was his, the other one was the mistress’ child. I asked who the woman was, and it was the same woman I had been told all along was of great help to him in his business. I called her and she confirmed my fears. I asked if she knew he was married and she answered in the affirmative. I told my husband I did not have a problem with the child but I would not accept their mother. This issue has been ongoing for the past year now.

After intervention from friends and family, my husband eventually agreed that I start my fertility treatment, which I’m currently undergoing. I got to find out from outsiders that my husband is father to these two kids. He confirmed it saying he had doubts about the first child and wants a DNA test. I asked why, and he said the boy does not share any resemblance with him.

I maintained that I would support whatever decision he makes concerning the kids, if he wanted to bring them in, or send maintenance to them, I’m not against it.

But he insists he wants to marry the mistress, I told him I cannot stop him from doing so but I don’t think I will be strong enough to be in a polygamous arrangement and I’m willing to walk away if he insists.

He said, if not for polygamy, I wouldn’t have met him because his grandfather had five wives, and it’s therefore normal for him. He accused me of being unreasonable and not wanting peace, and that I have refused to forgive him.

Does my forgiving him mean enduring a polygamous marriage? I have also feel used and deceived. Am I wrong for choosing my happiness now, am I wrong for not accepting the other woman, for feeling that she is my enemy?

He says she is not my enemy because she didn’t do anything to me. But she knew he was married, she knew I didn’t have a child and still went ahead to have a child by him.

Why then must I be forced to accept her and be told I am unreasonable and wicked. Didn’t she make her choice? Does this mean God will not bless me? Where did I go wrong and so deserve to be called called heartless and unforgiving?