Family Finance: Are You Guilty Of Financial Infidelity?

Allison Martin

Financial infidelity is the practice of concealing assets, actual income received, debt obligations, hiding bank statements or conducting transactions behind your spouse’s back that could have a major impact on your financial well-being as a family unit.

This is somewhat commonplace in marriages these days, and may be an hindrance to setting and executing short and long-term family goals.

If you’re wondering if you fit the bill, here are a few ways to tell:

1. Vanishing statements

When bank or other account statements arrive in the mail or electronically, do you review them with your partner or quickly place them in a secure place that only you are aware of? If the latter is true, is there something you’re trying to hide from your significant other? Perhaps you’re afraid to let them know where you all stand financially or worried that they’ll have an adverse reaction.

2. Phantom (or understated) income

Do you always have a way of making income magically appear when money’s tight and your spouse begins asking questions? Whether you use a cash advance, savings account or borrow funds to cover the gap, lying about income is never a good idea.

On the other side of the fence are those individuals that generate a healthy amount of income, yet disclose a substantially lower number to mislead their spouse.

3. Unexplained spike in expenses

This may be the result of additional debt you’ve incurred or excessive fees from past-due accounts or late payments, just to name a few.

4. Dwindling account balances

Once you’re way in over your head, it’s not uncommon to find yourself struggling to make ends meet. And as a result, the well soon begins to run dry.

5. Random bills

Have you subscribed to random services that your partner has no knowledge of, and now you’re on the edge and afraid your spouse may find an invoice and begin to ask questions?

6. ‘Closed’ accounts

If an account was beginning to spiral out of control, did you communicate to your partner that you paid the balance in full and closed it out when all you really did was remove him or her from the account so they’d be unaware of the actual status?

7. Calls from debt collectors

Maybe things started off on the right foot, but now you’re drowning in bills and the debt collectors have begun calling non-stop to collect payment? Have you been receiving ‘coded’ calls and lying through your teeth so your spouse is kept in the dark? Have you started inflating other bills just a little bit or demanding extra cash to clear your pile of debts?

8. Absence of activity on frequently used accounts

To hide transactions from your partner, have you resorted to a separate account to handle business so they won’t grow suspicious?

9. Purchases that are unaccounted for

Has your significant other raised concerns about shopping bags or other deliveries that entered the home, but were clearly absent from the bank statements?

10. Nervousness when discussing finances

When your partner wants to have the money talk, do you welcome communications with open arms or quickly change the topic?

11. Constant stress

Are you constantly searching for ways to generate extra income in an effort to patch things up?

12. Withdrawal

Depending on how severe the financial condition actually is, maybe you’ve begin to withdraw emotionally from your spouse of out fear that they’ll discover what you’ve done and bring the roof down before you can plead your case?

Moving past the ‘infidelity hurdle’

Step 1: Plan ahead

If you’re extremely nervous about the thought of coming clean, which is to be expected, have a plan of action intact to prevent things from going left in a matter seconds.

Step 2: Put it all on the table

Tossing and turning at night or can’t seem to get money matters off your mind? It’s time to come face your partner regarding the actual state of the finances.

My suggestion: propose a time and explain to him or her that you’d like to have a budget meeting.

Step 3: Relax!

Once the meeting is in session, reveal the infidelity, admit responsibility and communicate your willingness to be more transparent and make things right moving forward. And remember, if you’re on the defensive, your partner may shut down and be unwilling to hear your perspective.

Step 4: Discuss triggers and potential solutions

Express the reasons for your infidelity and what changes you’d like to see made to improve the situation moving forward. For example, if your partner insists that you only visit the spa once per quarter but you insist on monthly visits, try to reach a happy medium. Just don’t play the blame game because it won’t resolve the issue.

And if things take a turn for the worst, marriage counseling is always an option.

Source: thesimpledollar