Dear MIMsters: My Husband Gave Me An Ultimatum To Choose Between Fulfilling My Full Potential Or My Marriage
Dear MIMsters, what do you do when you are given an ultimatum by the one person who is suppose to have your back at all times?
I have been married for 7 years now, with three lovely children.
I have a good job that pays well, but I am very unhappy with it. I feel there is no more room left for my professional growth, so I decided I needed to change my job.
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I prayed about it and reached out to a few contacts, and as God will have it, I got a very good and promising job offer in the FCT. This is like a dream come true for me and I believe only God could have made this possible.
The problem is that hubby is refusing to let me go. He thinks this would mean breaking up our family. If I go, I would be going with my children as the job offers a good accommodation, but hubby would have to stay back because of his job.
Also, he thinks FCT is not a place for a woman to be without her husband (apparently he believes Sugar Daddies will chase me). I love my husband and I will surely miss him if we live apart, but I fear staying back will make me resent him for not allowing me to reach my full potential. I know I have a job here already but this new job offer is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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Please note that I discussed every step of this job search with him and I thought I had his approval. Even the day I went for interview in Abuja, he drove me to the airport and picked me up on arrival. He acted like he was completely okay with me getting the job. (I guess he never thought I would).
After carefully weighing my options, I told him I was going to take the job irrespective of what he thinks. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me he would date another woman, and even move her into our home if I left. He said he would never go back to living like a bachelor and if I go through with leaving, I was giving him permission to cheat.
My dear friends, what would you do if you were in my shoes? I hate being boxed into a corner or given an ultimatum. I also think my husband is being irrational, selfish and unreasonable.
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Should I take the job and damn the consequences; or stay back and ‘act’ happy?
Take the job and damn the consequences. Enough of making our men happy. How about your own happiness? If he was the one that got a job like this will he think twice before taking it? He’s been selfish and playing victim here. Carrying a woman and bringing her to house seems to be like the end of the road to Most women that’s why he is saying it to you. Let him bring her what nonsense. See threat oh Mtscheeeeeeewwww.
Haba madam family is important so stay wt ur family n ask God for a greater job in ur base more than dat FCT own. Had it been ur man will be coming wt u it wuld hv been a diff thing bt going wt ur kids n leaving him behind is like drinking medicine wt out water n u kw what dat means bah? Pls pls pls don’t do what u will regret later instead pray again n ask God to gv u a greater job in una base n u will see it come to pass.
Madam do the right thing which is right and don’t say “Had I know tomorrow”
Hmmm this case is complicated! I don’t know what to say but one thing I know is that I will never sacrifice my marriage in quest for power, position or fame. Go to east, west, north and south; family is everything. Have you asked yourself after you have all your career dreams fulfilled, what next? In career you derive temporary fulfilment unlike the joy and happiness you derive from your family. Job has pension age but marriage is till death, even after one spouse pass the other still crave for the fulfilment they derive. Madam if I have to be honest you can still be happy without job so do what will make everyone happy including your family.
Y not live dt job for now for peace to reign ad for u not to lose ur hubby
What really matters to u job or marriage d choice is urs
Had it been you were jobless(house wife)l would say take up the job and then try and work your transfer but according to you,you are currently gainfully employed.Madam I’m with your husband on this.It’s not easy to go back to square one(coming home to an empty house and going to bed alone),no wife no kids.Please remain in your job maintain the peace in your home.If it’s about the money,you can come up with something to make extra cash.That’s what I would do if I were in your shoes
very matured
madam ,pls to sustain peace and happiness in your family. listen to your husband and consider his take on the issue.its not easy to for him to start living alone like a bachelor after he has enjoying good couples life .Madam I believe God can answer one prayer request 20 times,your’s is not late for him to grant again in your base.pls ,don’t fight your husband on this issue ,I belief you can secure better job in your base.
Since you have a job already please stick with it till you get your husband approval then you can look for another one…its not easy oooo marriage no be beans..or rather keep begging him maybe he could change his mind and allow you go while he visit every month end..pray about it as well
My question which do you prefer, ur hubby or ur newly high paid job. For me i will pray and look for d same job close by, God is not a God that will bless you and add sorrow Never. My dear think twice b4 you leap.
think deep n act right
If I were in your shoe I wil rather stay with my family and manage the little I have and pray to God to provide the one that I won’t have any cause to regret or leaving my family behind cause the decision you make today will affect your future and not only you with that of your kids also. Plz madam I kw it’s not easy but you just have to think twice cause everything does not depend on money alone
Madam forget the job and face your family,dont say I did not warn you,
Happiness is a state of the mind, you can create it out of what you already have at hand. Good you have a nice job at the moment, make the most of what you have, if you need to apply for leave please do, take some time off, go on a vacation with your family, don’t use your hands and destroy what God has blessed you want – family which no amount of money can buy. You have a great home, please keep it intact, don’t be deceived, everything else in life come and go, power, fame and even fortune, but family lasts forever.
Please stay with ur family please
The bible says a wise woman builds her home but the foolish one pulls it down with her own hands, may the Lord order ur steps.
Madam, I believe you can get a far better job right where you are, just pray and fast about it. Just as a happy wife makes a happy home, so also a happy husband makes a happy home, your family is far more important than all the millions in the world pls don’t toy with it. Protect ur home and ur family, may God give u the grace and understanding to pull thru IJN.
In asmuch as i don’t appreciate being seprate,using another woman as a treat shows that his not faithful to you and ur presence is making him keep her at arlms length,having weighed the situation the decision is still urs.
But you said the old job pays well na? Stay back and keep your home. It’s called sacrifice.
I think i agree with “almost” all d comments here. If i were in your shoes I would look and pray for a job of my dream where I am with my family. It’s good to follow your dreams but your family is also important. Do you honestly think your kids will be happy without dere dad? They will keep disturbing you everyday. Pls reason with your husband and try to see his point of view. He doesn’t want to loose you bcos he loves you and he knows he’ll miss you too much. Pls don’t be angry with him. Above all I pray dat God will help you to take d right decision
I am also a career driven kinda woman and i love being independent as well. But honestly, i won’t trade my home for anything, not even the highest paid job in the world cos at the end of the day, job doesn’t provide the succor and happiness that family can offer you.
God is not an author of confusion, you may be thinking that God answered your prayer without knowing that God may not be involved. Family is everything, you may not really understand it until you loose it. When you are busy searching for happiness, you may at the end lose the little one you have. Your husband only threatened you out of desperation and because he loves you and still want to wake up beside you. If he really wanted to be with another woman, he will let you go; use your head madam.
my fellow blog visitor have said it all…FAMILY IS EVERTHING
Madam, I understand that God has blessed you with good handwork. Yes it is good. But stop and think. Your hubby though went too far to have said he would cheat if you leave. he should not even threaten you with adultery. Now as a woman and mother, please listen to your husband and do not go away. He is the head of the home and he cannot leave his own job. Think about it, if he were the one to got a job offer at FCT, would you stay back and let him go leave here alone? Life is not that hard. Deal softly. Money is good but in this case, never allow it to come between you and your family. Manage what you have in peace.
Mon Gemini I asked you a question before,dnt knw wat to say abt you anyway madam Whoever presents his own head to break coconut would
not be able to partake in the eating of it.they have all said it all & I’ll go with them on this nevr trade your family for anything,jobs will come & go but your family will always be there
I think I want to reason with my fellow contributors here. Your husband may have pushed his threats quite far because love is patient and is kind, that not withstanding, please stick to your present job and trust God to take care of you and your family and your dreams and aspirations. Protect your family, keep them together, you all need each other. Stay on the side of peace and your husband will respect you. Read proverb 31:10 to the end. God bless you.
Pls ur family oo
Madam let come to face the fact…you painted the story quite well I must say… Put yourself in your husband’s shoes how would you feel?
If you don’t value your family and marriage go for the job..its not about prayer now lets be logical he told he would cheat sure he will once you leave. How sure are you that you will have time to look after your children?Your husband is still your head you have to submit all cause his your lord.
Hmmmm, for your husband to use cheating to threaten you is a no no, look closely. Is he faithful? If a man sent this story, every body will say Go, nobody will consider that women also feel lonely and bla bla bla, but now that it is a woman they are all saying stay back for family sake. Man’s world. Please stay back for peace sake
na wa for men o
It’s a hard one ooh if you turn down the offer you will resent him for life….distance also causes a lot of issues at home. ..you need to pray for guidance
Hey. I Neva saw dis on time. Mbok,yr family first
They said it all
madam nt all dat glitters is gold…..tank God u have existing job already.dnt give devil d chance to ruin ur home.ur family shud be ur uttmost priorities.a word is enuf for d wise..
my dear work will finsh and it will remain ur family every marriage has is own sarifcy that is ur own for ur marriage ,u belive in God right i will give u another wonderful job
my dear work will finish one day and u need to come back to your family every marriage has is own sarifcy that is urs for ur marriage ,u belive in God right i will give u another wonderful job
A little with great joy is better than much without peace. After all Said and done what next? God sometimes gives us what we want and leaves us to make our own decisions. Remember u had enough BT wanted more, what next? I pray God help u and giv u peace in all d decision u make from here on.
For a man will leave his family and leave together with his wife and they shall become one and shall be called husband and wife and what God has joined together let no man, woman or job put asunder. Leaving ur husband to pursue money is a very bad Omen as a woman for it is not ur duty to provide for the family but dat of ur husband. Stay with ur husband and manage ur present work. Pray to God to give you a better job that will allow you to stay with ur family. Good luck.
For a man will leave his family and live together with his wife and they shall become one and shall be called husband and wife and what God has joined together let no man, woman or job put asunder. Leaving ur husband to pursue money is a very bad Omen as a woman for it is not ur duty to provide for the family but dat of ur husband. Stay with ur husband and manage ur present work. Pray to God to give you a better job that will allow you to stay with ur family. Good luck.
Please stay back with your husband and search for another job or others means of additional income. Family happiness is very important.
Remember your marital vows and act in that direction as going contrary will mean going against your marriage and God.
Ecclesiastes chp 10:19 money answereth all things . However in as much as it is clearly stated, you must try to understand that being with one mind with your husband is very important; you are his backbone. The Gift of God is clear(Acts chp 8:20) God will only open a door of blessing but some times the devil gives so he can destroy (1 Timothy chp 6 : 6-11). I pray this hour that God fill you with understanding and the progress that you seek without losing your marriage in Jesus name.
Many have confused “work” “personal fulfilment” and “sourcing of living” together. They are very different. Many times a woman wanting to work is not because her husband is not able to provide for her. Its a deep longing for self actualization and only a few women and men understand this. To many such feeling is still taboo. And there, my fellow readers is what this madam is looking for. Its a tough decision. Why dont you treat it a family decision. How does this new job and location help us achieve our family goals (financials, kids exposure, our network) etc… if it does then you should begin to work together and Oga too can look for opportunities in Abuja. You can divert prayers to that as well. And then u go. If it doesnt help you guys achieve any of your goals. You could decide to try it out and keep it real and honest with urself. Give yourself a timeline. You may find eventually that you really love it totally and it makes you super duper. Or you just prefer to go back and be with your man.
My dear, I suggest you pray for God to touch d heart of ur husband. Don’t be biased about ur prayer. I believe he will grant u ur heart desires. Kindly call dis number 08055846374 & explain ur situation to her, she is a pastor & a counselor. May God grant u wisdom on dis issue.
madam, pls listen to your husband and maintain your old job for peace to reign