My Only Brother is My 19-Year-Old Daughter’s Biological Father

I decided to share my story on this platform in the hopes that it will help relieve the guilt and depression of keeping this secret, which only my parents and dad’s former house-help know, for almost two decades.

I was about 16 years old and awaiting my SSSCE results when my then 18 year old brother first abused me. My mum and dad were separated and she had convinced him to come and live with us after he abused my little cousin at my dad’s house during a holiday.

My mum clearly felt my dad did a bad job of raising him because of the nature of his Civil Engineering job and thought taking over will help before he secured university admission. Sadly, he pounced on me few weeks after his arrival. The abuse continued right under my mother’s nose for about 2 months and each time, I would cry and beg him not to rape me but he never listened. He drugged me a few times, raped me and later apologized – it was like a force always pushed him.

I tried telling my mum a few times, but she would bully me into silence. It was as if she knew what her son was doing to me but preferred to stay in denial. Then, during one of my dad’s visits, I told him I wanted to go with him. My mum seemed terrified and called me into her room. She begged me not to go with him and said I could stay with her sister instead if I really wanted to leave. I however stood my ground and eventually left that day with my dad.

For about a month later, I never had enough courage to tell my dad, besides, he was hardly around. I became very close to our house-help and shared my ordeal with her. She however didn’t believe me or maybe she pretended not to at the time, after all, she knew my brother’s previous record.

Weeks later, my body started to feel alien. I had missed my period for 2 months. Our house-help called my mum about my complaints and she came over. She took me to the hospital and the worst was soon confirmed. As we left the hospital, my mum trembled as I cried. She didn’t ask me who was responsible.

She subsequently brought my evil brother’s things back to my dad’s house and begged me to return home with her. Confused, I did and when we got home, she asked me what had been going on between my brother and I and we both wept profusely.

I was however surprised when I overheard her telling my dad that evening that my brother chose to return because they weren’t getting along and she couldn’t let both of us stay with him. She later told him I was pregnant but had not confessed who was responsible. I was shocked! I felt betrayed. My mum loved her son more than me and was ready to protect him at my expense. At that point, I was depressed and even wondered if she was really my mother, despite our striking resemblance.

I later confronted her and she said I needed to forgive my brother, especially as he is my only sibling, and we would abort the baby. She added that it was best to keep my ordeal secret, claiming my brother was sorry and would change. I loathed both of them even more from that moment. I felt so helpless and useless. I hated myself for falling victim. I cried. I wanted to die.

My dad visited few days later and instead of asking me who was responsible, he called me names, saying since I chose to disgrace the family, I would live to nurse the product of my waywardness. My mum sat there, pleading with me with her eyes.

I moved in with my mother’s sister the next day – I just couldn’t stand my own mother. Even then, she was still a nightmare. She would lie to anyone that asked that I said I couldn’t determine my baby’s father. She easily passed me off as a wayward teenager but would privately cry and beg me. She supported me throughout the pregnancy and watched me like an eagle.

I vowed I’d kill the baby with my bare hands once it arrived and run far away where nobody would ever find me. However, when my daughter arrived 19 years ago, I loved her at first sight. She was adorable.

Few months after she was born, my dad’s house-help convinced me to tell my dad the whole truth. He was spellbound! He confronted my mum, cut ties with her completely and subsequently sent my brother out of his house.

He took me for series of counselling sessions and advised me to give my daughter up for adoption but I decided to keep her. I admire the modest and ambitious young woman she has become but she reminds me of a sordid past every minute. I doubt I can ever bring myself to tell her the truth. I already lied that her dad wants nothing to do with us and that’s heartbreaking enough. I’ve chosen to remain single and just be there for her like my mother never was.

My brother is still a total disgrace – he dropped out of school, lives a reckless life, has no job; he’s a complete a*shole. But my mum still acts like his guardian angel. I know he will be her death.

I hope parents, especially mums like mine, learn from my sad story.

Photo credit: womansday.com