Dear MIMsters: One Reason You Shouldn’t Marry A Man Lesser Than You – My Story

One reason you should not marry a man financially lesser than you? Read my story.

You see, all my life, I believed in marrying higher than my status; someone more ambitious, wealthy and intelligent. I believed the only way a woman could truly respect and be submissive to her husband is to marry above her. So, I dated better men than myself.

Dating was hard because it wasn’t easy finding such men. I happen to be quite successful myself. At the age of 21, I was already working with a car of my own and living in a flat alone. Over the years, I’ve established a good career but finding the right ‘better’ man was still difficult. The years were going by and I wasn’t getting any younger, so I settled down.

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He was young, had a steady income, even though it was a terrible pay. He appeared to love and respect me and I reasoned it could have been worse. So, I accepted his proposal and tried to lift him up and support him – generally, make him a better person financially.

The first big mistake I made was to give him a loan of 1 million Naira to start up a business, just as we were planning our wedding. I thought I was being supportive but I never knew I was digging my grave. He saw me as a meal ticket, after all, if I can part with 1 million, I must be well off. So, he became lazier and completely lost all zeal to work harder. Keeping up with his day job became difficult because he felt he could do without it anyway. Needless to say, the business I helped him raise capital for was a huge failure.

I kept loaning him money; for rent, for domestic needs, and so on. At a point, we stopped bothering to pretend he would pay back. I became the primary breadwinner. Even when the children started coming, I was 90 percent responsible for feeding, school fees and upkeep.

This of course interfered with his own gains. I could no longer afford to give him free cash or fund bogus businesses. As my status increased financially, so did my ambition and aspirations for my children; blue passports, best schools, best health care, etc. Much to his chagrin, I wasn’t enriching him like he thought I would. As a married father of 3, he didn’t even care to know what diapers, formula or even school fees cost. I was 90 percent responsible for those things.

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Sometimes, when I revolt and threaten to leave, he would cough out 10 percent after borrowing from family and friends and then act like I was Jezebel for making him do that. He never hesitated to tell me how I was a disappointment and how his friends wonder how he would have such an established wife and still be mediocre. He blamed me for his lack of money, ambition and professional depth. I was the reason for all his bad judgements, failure to achieve a task at work and inability to wear good clothes. He resented me big time and never hid the fact that he wanted me poor and miserable like he is.

Oh, how I’ve prayed for God to answer his prayers. How I’ve prayed for an exchange of destinies. I wish every day that I was the poor one. Maybe he won’t hate me so much. Maybe he would understand how difficult it is to make financial decisions, despite the fact that I have money. Maybe he will for once appreciate all I do for him and understand that even though I don’t give him so much cash, raising his children singlehandedly is the best gift ever.

We’ve been married for 6 years now, and even though he doesn’t cheat or abuse me physically, I live in constant emotional torture.

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My mistake was that I married a financially inferior man. God made men the breadwinners for a reason. Men can’t handle the fact that their wives are wealthier than they are. No matter what you do, in most cases, you will always be in the wrong.  Your fault is that you are better and instead of being celebrated and appreciated, you will constantly be belittled and condemned.

Jealousy is a very strong emotion. Men will always find someone lower than they are. Before marriage, don’t allow them deceive you into thinking your being wealthier doesn’t matter because it does. Life is too short to waste being unhappy. Don’t put yourself in a bind for life.
I wish someone had warned me.