Mum Suffering From Depression Writes Open Letter to Husband to Encourage Others Dealing With the Disease

A 30-year-old wife and mum-of-two battling crippling depression, Becci Nicholl, wrote an open letter to her husband, recounting her struggle with the disease and thanking him for his love and support through it all.

She did this to encourage others struggling with depression and at the verge of giving up.

Read her letter below:

“Dear Husband,

I love you dearly, more than anything in this whole world, I think you already know this. I know you love me too, I just forget sometimes. Depression clouds my mind, it fills me with horrid thoughts about how unlovable I am, and how worthless I am. Sometimes I believe you, sometimes I believe depression.

I know you prefer the good days when I am happy and not anxious or snappy, and I wish I could have these days everyday, but I can’t. I feel the cloud approaching, and it petrifies me.

There will be lots of times when I feel like you would be better off without me, that my children deserve a better momma. Sometimes I will tell you. Most of the time I will not.

Sometimes I can go for months without those thoughts crossing my mind, and other times I think about them every second of every day for weeks. That is the scary truth.

It’s the first thought that runs through my head a lot. Depression is vile, a vile nasty monster.

I haven’t self harmed since February 2010, but the urge often consumes me. When the black cloud is here it consumes my mind. I fight it so hard, I fight for myself, my children, and for you.

The front door feels like it has an invisible force field around it on bad days, while on others I can’t even bring herself to wash my hair.

Sometimes I lay awake at night and worry about things that won’t even happen, squeeze my hand tight if you’re awake too.

Sometimes it takes every bit of motivation to even get up in the morning, but I never let you in on this.

I want to publicly thank you for loving me and supporting me.”

She added: “During your lifetime you will either suffer from depression or encounter somebody who is depressed, but…Life matters. Life is worth living, even on days when you wish to breathe your last. There is hope, there is always, always hope. I hope this post helps you, whoever you are.”

The letter was published on Becci’s blog Swords and Snoodles.