Dear MIMers: Should I Marry My Son’s Father Who Previously Dumped Us or Stay Single With This Man I Love?

I am a mother of a boy who turns 3 this July. His daddy and I separated in 2014 when things got so complicated between us. His financial struggles contributed largely. I raised the baby myself since day one; his daddy couldn’t support much since he lost his job before I gave birth. He slowly started pulling off from us. He later went mute for months – no calls, no texts even to know the wellbeing of his son. His excuse was that he had no money.

We argued, fought, you name it, till I gave up and moved on without him. It was the most difficult time of my life since I exhausted all the savings I had from my small business but my family really supported me.

I started my cake business in 2015 through my sister’s support which is now doing well and in between, my baby daddy came back. Well, he’s now doing well financially – found out from a friend who saw the ongoing building project of our house which we started in our first year of relationship. He apologized and promised to take care of our baby. I told him I don’t feel him anymore but he insisted I took my time, that he was ready to wait.

I met another guy in August 2015 who is divorced, has several kids and very famous here. He’s business oriented, hard-working but honestly he’s such a paper chaser. He doesn’t give me money but he teaches me ways to make money as well as connect me to people who can be very useful in my business. His life is kind of complicated and I know for sure we don’t have a future together but I get butterflies whenever I see him, I love him.

Though I promised myself to only focus on work and my son but thoughts of him keeps running through my head. Frankly, he’s such a very caring and sweet guy, he does those small acts that any woman can fall for not to mention how good he is in bed. I tried to carry on without him but found myself back in his arms. I’m stuck.

Now the house we were building with baby daddy is ready. He has moved in waiting for me and my son to join him. He has bought me a car as well though he doesn’t have one for himself. He’s hoping we get married in December this year but that’s the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to make any more mistakes than the ones I already have and don’t want to marry out of pity.

He knows I like good stuffs, so, he thinks money can make me stay as that’s how he impressed me when we first met. I admit I was impressed since material things is all I could think of before I became a mother. I see more in life now than that.

The divorced guy lives here and mostly in UK but he’s coming home for good soon – like next month. He knows about baby daddy and asks me not to get married so that we can continue with the kind of relationship we have. He doesn’t want to marry again – he’s that straight with me.

Truthfully, after seeing a lot of failed marriages of friends and family, I’m scared to get married. I think marriage isn’t for me. I just want to make money, take care of my son, travel the world and do what makes me happy. But then, I see a lot of happily married women too and wish I had a home of my own.

Baby daddy is the kind of man who is quiet, very secretive and likes a woman to do everything for him but the other guy is quite the opposite. He is so open, tells me his plans with vivid proof of what is doing next. He doesn’t mind helping with house chores or cook, we talk business, go out to have fun, he’s not judgemental at all, he even unplaits my hair. Not to mention he’s handsome, very tall and smart, smells good – oops! I go crazy! Women go crazy here over him. We spend most of the time together and he sometimes takes me to his meetings. I enjoy being with him a lot.

What do I do since if I tell baby daddy about this, we will surely start a battle over the house as one person must move out. I’m not planning to unless he gives me money for a start-up which I’m sure he won’t give. My happiness matters most. I cannot pretend anymore.

26 Discussions on
“Dear MIMers: Should I Marry My Son’s Father Who Previously Dumped Us or Stay Single With This Man I Love?”
  • Hmmmmmmm I don’t even know who I want to ask you to go with right now. Am as confused as you are. But I know you know deep down what you truly want.

  • Your happiness matters most like you pointed out, so stick with what makes you happy the most which quite frankly only you can tell for yourself. Stop getting confused, give yourself some more time while you outgrow certain things cos somehow you don’t sound like one who’s really ready for marriage (even though you fancy it)….maybe along the line you’ll meet a more balanced man who wants marriage and also has the the basic requirements for settling down and raising a stable family. Good luck.

  • Hmmm. You are carnally minded. No where in the post did you mention prayer. You didn’t even say which of the men has the fear of God. See most of those marriages you admire are sustained on the knees. Wealth doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. When you are ready(it doesn’t seem like you are at the moment), talk to God about it. Trust me when you sincerely leave all to him, he will settle you with your husband because he sees the end from the beginning

  • Some questions should be asked here.. Are u sure u r really in love with that guy? Just be sure and ask ur heart if u r not about to throw something that l be permanent for the enjoyment of a while. But if u know u wil stil be satisfied with not getting married to the other guy after the excitement of the relationship wears off, den u can go ahead. But be sure he feels the same way about u cos people sure do things to impress each other wen the relationship is new. God guide U..

  • whew! its a tough one…ma advice is for u to tink it 2ru and pray over it. the future matters alot and only God can direct u.

  • to me you are the biggest problem here.You love money money money.That divorcee knows u in and out and has told u he will not marry u,just coz he unplaits your hair makes u sleep with him?Get straight with yourself and face reality. You have made up your mind on what u want from all your writing.Do one ladt thing before you make a mistake.Ask God for his guidance let his will be done in your life.

  • Our heart speaks back to us if we are patient after asking…pls listen to yourself and follow your mind. It is well.

  • First – in all ur ways, u av to acknowledge God nd he ll direct ur path. And he is d one who sees d end from d beginning. Secondly, u av to also consider ur child, nt only for d present bt in later times. Thirdly, u dnt consider wat is temporary bt permanent nd long term benefit. Remenber, change is constant…. Pple change, feelings change, priorities change…

  • listen to you: you dont need marriage. you are fornicating. yes you are fornicating. and God hates it. i am not judging you but i have just told u d truth. you cant eat your cake and have it. that first man is your husband. calm down and face reality. so you wanna steak to someone whom you will not marry but then have sex. you call thay enjoyment? that your divorcee will see you as old cargo one day and marry young virgin. you will regret. my sister girl, i advise you to first and formost marry God. i mean you should try to overcome your love of money weakness so that men will not use that against you. listen to you: he doesnt give you money but links you. he knows your weakpoint. he is stingy and will never give you money free, you must pay. worse than a prisoner. well i hope you will think about your son and marry his dad who already knows your weakness and still wants to marry you. #enoughsaid

  • Happiness is what matters in life, marriage doesn’t determine happiness. You only got one life, live it well.

  • You are the problem… Both men should be careful with you because you don’t know what you want. Abeg next post…..

  • hmmmmmm don’t know what to say but still I will advice you to marry father of your son. yes happiness is good and if you know what you want and what you are doing you can create happiness for yourself through Christ. first sit yourself down, seek God face in prayer to direct you. marry again and leave this divorce man alone I know is not easy because you have fall for him but you have to do it. sit your baby daddy down and talk with him let him know you are now a changed person and you have learnt a lot since he leaves you. make necessary correction and face reality. pls do it fast because time and tides of we women are short. God will help you to pick right

  • To me i will say u marry the father of ur son rather than gallivating arroun with ur so call divorcee bcos when ur son grows old nd learnt that u rejected his father when he came back 2 ask 4 ur forgiveness, he my hate 4 that.

  • you and your divorcee don’t have future together and you know it…
    you just love the fun and soon he will get over it …and you would do lonely single it would cringes your heart..mind..SNF soul…
    you care about the cash and fun now but you are a lady and soon it would be about companion
    just make a research on how marriage work…pray and it would work with your ‘baby daddy’
    am Sandra by the way and uwc in advance

  • Pls jux go ahead and marry ur son’s father,that is ur husband.and pls forget abt d other guy pls,money is nt love

  • How can you be deceiving your self like this,fast forward to 10yrs from now and u will be saying had I known,will u be comfortable that u are u married and lonely jumping from one man to another? is the love of money not the root of all evil? what do u call happiness,dating a man who won’t marry u and might dump you any moment? pls retrace your steps before it becomes too late. go back to God and ask for mercy.if ur baby daddy hasn’t done anything on ur head tell him to finish the marriage rites before u move back to his house and focus on how to build ur home and be a good wife to ur hubby.i know he hurt u and ur son by abandoning u both but pls forgive him.what u have with the other man is not enjoyment but sin (fornication) so desist from it and go back and make peace with God. u are really carnally minded so pls repent. God will see u thru but if u continue the way u are going u might end up as one old and lonely hag that is if u don’t contract STDs.

  • i truly understand you. i had a failed marriage. my husband left my child and i for good when the child was seven i felt dejected and rejected. i lost my focus and sense of belonging. it was tough but God saw me through it all. my parents and siblings wanted me to remarry but i didnt want because of the psychological/emotional trauma i went through. i went to therapy for almost two years. it was tough. it was at this time i met my friend. he was married but childless. i needed a child to get my people of my back. he needed company to ease the tension in his marriage. the arrangement was okay for me. i became pregnant and had a child for him after several years. now that his potency has been proven hepicks quarrels and tells me words that hurt so much. though he apologised but that got me thinking for the first time that i needed a husband. i told him but you wont believe what he told me. he wont ever leave me so he was okay with my concubine state but fighting so hard to keep his marriage. the mere fact i told him i wanted to remarry made him to start behaving himself again. he has never picked a quarrel with me but i am running. i want more out of life i want you to think carefully what the future has for you. this guy can move on anytime,, what happens to you. do you want to have another child? will he want to father a child for you? your ex, is he the type that dodges responsibilty, what do you want.? your happiness matters alot. pray that God guides you in your decision. you are what matters most

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