Dear MIMsters: I Have Died a Thousand Time and Do Not Know How to Live Past My Husband’s Sins

I have died a thousand times since the evening of August 28. I am the same woman who in a post talked about using my head in my marriage. I thought my story had ended, little did I know there was more awaiting me.
After my talk with my “dear husband” in the early hours on Friday, he travelled for a supposed work later in the day (he has been announcing the work). He was to take off early on Sunday morning, but he called to give an excuse I can’t even remember.
By 9am, I called to find out if he had taken off but he gave another excuse that it was raining heavily. He said he finally left by 11am but tankers or whatever fell on the road, so there was traffic.
Finally, he got to his destination by 3. The journey was supposed to be from Ugheli to Port Harcourt where he told me he was going for the work.
When he came home, he went out with his kid brother who came visiting, and unfortunately, he forgot his second phone at home. I went through his messages on Facebook and read his conversations with this Vera girl.
They were texted each other, appreciating themselves for a job well done. He wrote how he enjoyed the morning sex more than the night. I went mad and called him to return from wherever he went to. When he came back, I gave him the phone and told him what I saw.
I asked if he was tired of our marriage and what I have done wrong to deserve this. I wanted to know where I was lagging (sexually, hygiene or support). He couldn’t even let it pass considering we talked about this shortly before he travelled.
We both earn almost same salary except for times when he has to work outside, so I’d agreed to bear 40% of our financial responsibilities. I told him I will no longer share the costs with him so that I can save and I won’t have more kids because he is indirectly telling me there may be no future for us. I want to be able to comfortably train the one child I have.
I also told him there will be no intimacy between us. His reaction: he was speechless, remorseful (maybe I am being fooled again). He regrets his actions and has been begging since Sunday but I have tried to get it off my head.
I had to open up to my father-in-law of about what’s been going on for the first time. He’s a wonderful man who has been very supportive, I must say.
I have been unhappy and it has taken a great toll on me. Where did I miss it? I am sexually active so that couldn’t have been the problem. I am supportive in the best or little way I can and I ensure I do my best in keeping the house clean even without any form of help. I wasn’t a virgin before he married me yes but I did not live a shameful or regrettable life.
I can’t walk away because I am not yet prepared financially. I was blaming myself before but now I know that it’s not about me but the person I am involved with.
How can I live past this? My baby is still young so I can’t even go to some places to give myself a treat. I want to heal. He said he will help but I have shut down that part of me completely maybe because I am really disappointed.
6 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Have Died a Thousand Time and Do Not Know How to Live Past My Husband’s Sins”
  • My dear, choose to be happy and stop blaming yourself for everything, be happy for your life and don’t allow ur hubby ruin your happiness, he is your husband still pray for your marriage and use ur head as u earlier stated. Many marriages has its ups and down forget about the physical smiles, and be strong for ur kid.

  • Am sorry for what your going through,it doesn’t get easier honestly but you can heal if you want to. But I believe in asking him all you need to know so that when your ready to heal it doesn’t haunt you as why you never asked questions. I wish I could help you directly but I just pray you will be OK.

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published.