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Dear MIMers: How Do I Tell Hubby His Dad is Making Passes at Me?

Dear MIMers: How Do I Tell Hubby His Dad is Making Passes at Me?

My husband and I got married about 2 months ago. Before then, my father-in-law, an average businessman in his mid sixties, was quite fond of occasionally paying me suggestive compliments privately. Though I found them quite disturbing, I always wore a straight face and subsequently coerced myself into dismissing them as he seemed the perfect family man – my mother-in-law and his three children simply adore him. Besides, how could he possibly be interested in his first son’s woman? He seemed far more decent than that.

I kept what was going on to myself, even from my mother, as I didn’t want her or anyone else to think less of my prospective father-in-law. I couldn’t dare tell hubby too as they are very close and I didn’t really know if he would believe something as silly as that was coming from his supposedly amazing dad.

Things however took a turn for the worse last week when he came to spend a few days with us. Though I disapproved of the visit at first because I just had a bad feeling about it, hubby pleaded with me, reliving how both of them have always been buddies. I told him we just got married and needed our privacy, but when I sensed he was offended, I felt it was too early in our marriage to start a fight and let him be.

My father-in-law arrived on a Tuesday evening, few hours after hubby and I returned from work. As we all eat dinner, my father-in-law winked at me ceaselessly as his unassuming son savoured his dinner in between chats with his sly dad. I was so disgusted! I left them in the sitting room shortly after dinner, claiming I was very tired and retiring to bed but couldn’t sleep a wink. They talked far into the night. In between their chat, I received several explicit messages and photos from a strange number, via WhatsApp. I suspected they were from my father-in-law but quickly dismissed the thought as usual.

Hubby came to bed at about 2 am. I pretended to be asleep but my eyes were wide open till I got up to prepare for work around 6: 30 am. My worries must have been clearly written on my face as hubby said I looked pale that morning, asking if I was alright and I said I was. His look when I did suggested he felt I was lying but he didn’t press any further. Perhaps, he thought I would tell him later.

My father-in-law was still asleep when we both left for work, so I didn’t see him that morning. He however confirmed my suspicions during lunch when he called me with the strange number, asking if I got his messages. I was too shocked for words. He laughed hysterically and ended the call. I dialled the number few minutes later, prepared to finally tell him off but it was switched off. His regular lines were switched off too. I was consumed with worry.

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I returned very late from work and he had left. I felt a temporary wave of relief. I asked hubby why he didn’t stay as long as he wanted to before, and he said he told him when he returned from work that something impromptu came up. Meanwhile, that strange number has been switched off since he called me. Perhaps, he has even thrashed the SIM card.

How do I confront this devil before it’s too late? I’m scared. Why does he want to ruin my happiness with his son? Would it be wise to tell hubby, even though I doubt he would believe me?  I’m really confused. Please advise.

View Comments (17)
  • Don’t tell your hubby but record all his advances at you and use that to blackmail him

  • This is insane and i don’t even know how to wrap my head around it.

  • Hmmmmmmm that man is delusional. See all this perfect Father figure that’s how plenty of them are oh. They create a picture perfect being to family, friends and people around so when they mess up people will say it’s not possible. Don’t tell your hubby yet. You need enough evidences first before telling him and attacking your FIL. He is shameless.

  • record all his calls save all his text messages n chat messages….there are applications that reveal a callers identity or any number that u want the name a d location of the owner to be revealed.except she person hides the numb.gather very well your facts befor you tell hubby…dont jump or b in a rush

  • It’s a serious and tough situation but you have to bud it at the nip before it festers. You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your Husband before its too late because if he eventually gets a hint of it somehow, he won’t be on your side but if you tell him now, he might deny it and side his dad but subsequently he will notice it and you will be justified. Do not wait cause it might be late.

  • The man is so shameless. You need enough evidence before you tell hubby just so the man doesn’t deny it or claim you’ve been trying to seduce him

  • communication is a pillar in every relationship and its significant role cannot be overruled, mind you, the best person to talk to in any relationship is the person you are in with and above all talk to God all humans’ hearts are in His hand, which He has the power to do with whatever He feel like. furthermore, is too early so I keep it to myself, I guess I can handle it. the earlier you discuss with your spouse the better the case, a sensitive spouse should know that in the world we are today anything is possible especially in this country of ours. though the matter is sensitive, one should also handle it with sensitivity.

  • After gathering enough evidence, tell ur hubby n if he s tilll not believe u make a plan with ur hubby by giving ur phone to him by doing this there will b a solution. I pray will vandicate u.


  • Get enough proof before informing hubby, but do it fast! This kind of FIL wouldn’t mind lying against you for he’s indeed a spoiler! I will tell my Mom too as my backup! There’s nothing as disturbing as having a dark secret that only your heart knows, talk to Mumsy if you’re that close, and she’s not the ‘reactive’ type. Pray also for the ultimate guidance, for God has a unique way of solving mysteries!

  • To me its a very simple situation. Start showing signs of restlessness, blive me u hv 2 b an actress 2 achieve dis den ur hubby will ask wt d problem is, show him d msgs n tell him u donno who sent dem n dt u hv bin trying every mins 2 find out who it is, am sure 4rm dere he strt giving suggestion on hw 2 catch d culprit, den sugget visiting d network provider 2 find out whose photo is used 4 registeration, if after checking its not his information den its 2 find out who d person is from dere i blive infos will come out. Pls if he has stopped den don’t do this, d moment he starts again den d ball is in ur court. Am sure ur hubby will relate ur ordeal wif his family n dat will put him in check

  • Confront him. Look him in the eyes and tell him he has to stop his insanity right there. Tell him his next move would be the ” go ahead” you need to let his son and indeed the whole world know how desperately he is in need of a psychiatrist. Please mean it!- seriousness conveys potently.

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