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Dear MIMsters: Barely Two Years After Marriage, My Husband Is Out of Control

Dear MIMsters: Barely Two Years After Marriage, My Husband Is Out of Control

My husband is out of control and we’ve been barely married for two years.

I have been married for one year and five months now. Luckily, I got pregnant three months after my wedding. In the second month of my pregnancy, I saw a woman in our house. I was staying with hubby and his family then and discovered the girl is my sister-in-law’s friend.

I realised hubby’s change in attitude and he was picking up little quarrels with me. To satisfy my curiosity, I decided to find out what was wrong. To my surprise, I saw on hubby’s phone that the girl is his girlfriend and he has been sleeping with her under my nose. I also saw that she is not the only one. I told MIL but they turned everything on me since I don’t understand their language.

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After two weeks, hubby came home late and I saw a text on his phone from another girl, thanking him for the hot sex and money. Things like that went on over and over again, and he always begged for forgiveness. I thought our marriage was too young and that might be his weakness, so I told him to allow me help him overcome it, with me supporting him spiritually and physically.

We moved to our own house subsequently and now, worse things are happening. Let me mention just a few. Hmm… in my seventh month of pregnancy, I caught him red-handed making love to a girl in our guest room – I had left the house for weekend lectures but had to return home halfway because I was not feeling well. I forgave him again.

Now, he is changing women like clothes, comes home late, sends them money and does not care about my boy who is now five months old.

I want to know, is it immature to warn your husband’s mistress who is tearing your family apart as you also deal with your husband? This particular girl has shown me she doesn’t care I exist – she rubs her affair with hubby in my face. Besides, how do I deal with my husband? I have been praying and fasting for him, I don’t ever deny him sex, in fact, I usually have to force him to sleep with me. I am very neat inside out and still in shape, even after birth. Why am I not enough for him?

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Any attempt to talk to him now leads to quarrels, no matter how nice, calm and loving I approach it.
I love my husband and want to build my home, but his focus is somewhere else. Please, what strategies have experienced mothers been using to maintain a good and happy home? And to men like my husband, please stay faithful – really, life is too short to do nothing else but make your wife miserable.

View Comments (19)
  • I will say prayer without action is like faith without works, God does not answer the prayer of a person who does nothing but just sit and pray. Talk to your husband, call the elders let them talk with him, if he fail to listen, I will not say leave, but look at you, young & vibrant, what is he looking for again, don’t allow him infect you with disease o. Don’t allow your marriage to close your sense of reasoning

  • Life is too short my dear, my fear is that this guy may give you an STD that will cut your life short. You have a son that you won’t want another woman to raise, please think and act fast.

  • You need to up and leave that unrepentant cheat before he gives you an STD or worse still aids. Threaten him you will leave with your son and get a divorce and see what happens. If he still doesn’t change, then my dear get a divorce. Life is too short to be miserable. He disrespects you too much and you need to put an end to that rubbish. Imagine bringing girls to your matrimonial home, that’s the height of disrespect please.

  • Hmmm I feel for you. You didn’t mention if you are working. If you are, concentrate on your job and the things that make you happy. If you are not working, please get something doing to keep you busy and happy. Please don’t die young for anybody. If I were you, sex with him will disgust me but if you must, insist on condom. The worst mistake you can make is confronting a lady. It is your husband you should deal with, he goes to them and he toasts them. I don’t know how you started but that man has no iota of respect for you. Concentrate on your life and baby. Let him see you happy despite his atrocities

  • Your mistake was forgiving him the first time. I was very close to being infected with HIV from a cheating husband. I was always treating one infection or the other, had to talk to myself that my kids need me more than a cheating husband. Sister your life is more important…… Be careful.

    • U are asking what he is looking for?
      Being a man is enough reason and fuck up. Have been begging God to come and carry them and put them in a planet close to the sun.

  • Please if u had court wedding or not,tell him u aint marrying further as u are the one marrying yourself,tell him u want a divorce and the custody of ur son and see his reaction,be serious when doing that, don’t go and use bedroom voice for him oo,if possible,dress and leave the son for Him for a day and come bk like in the evening,if he complains,tell him that is what he does to u like 10x and u wanna leave the marriage. Don’t know when men will stop being like this

  • hmmm, my dear am speechless, first b careful with both ur hubby n d girl let them not poison u cos such an extent of there relationship is reading something else. ur hubby might b under her bondage. first call the girl and ask her her intensions if she wants to marry d girl, then tell her in low tone to stay away from ur hubby. secondly whether she stays away or not tell ur Church elders to come n talk to ur hubby n to warn d girl in a disgraceful way, the same thing applicable to the elders of ur village in case if anything happens to u. also report the case to ur family, let every one know abt it. then d last one, monitor the girl n arrest her pay d police ppl to flog her very well n naked her in public n write a statement if anything happens to u. lastly if its possible take ur hubby for deliverance.

  • sorry, ask her if she wants to marry ur hubby. tell the police that she must put a statement if anything happens to u. then since everyone has now known abt the case, any day her leg step into ur house brake her head with bottle if she is one u can fight very well. my dear, for ur hubby start behaving as if u have someone who cares for u. receiving calls infront of ur hubby as if someone called u even when no one calls u. lock ur phone with code as if u are bidding something, don’t force him for sex, but package urslf very well n b ready when ever he demands it. men likes being jealous. don’t keep malice with him but don’t shine ur teeth for him, b mean always. don’t allow him to find out that u at fasting n praying, but continue to fast n pray. drop little money at ur alter most times it works. take care…

  • Truth is there are some prayers that are irrelevant. You pray and fast for a serial cheater? Sister I dont think that is marriage. Infact to me that is living in bondage. Several times you read of men who infects their wife with HIV. Do you think that is far fetched? You berra wake up and change your prayer points. Let God help you to act fast by moving out of that house before the worst happens.

  • this type has no cure. i was married to one like that. he was discreet but he can abandon me for months like that and return without apology. you are fighting, you get power, my head was broken by one of his women when i went looking for him. infact he came back calling me her name. you never see anything. . they don’t have conscience and will not change unless God touches them. he eventually walked out after wasting eleven years of my youth, by then i couldn’t sleep with him. the aids scourge was very rampant then. i lost some close friends and relations to aids. i had to talk to myself especially when i told him we were going for aids test and he declined.and got angry reporting me everywhere. prayer is good but advise yourself which is better to die for a man that doesnt love you or to live for your son, the choice is yours. in my own case the prayers/vigils i attended for him could convert a whole village. he is still like that today despite the fact he is in his late fiftes he is still gallivanting . his bride price was returned to him when he said he didn’t want the marriage again. i am not st. monica , st augustine’s mum, so if you want to be a saint for him ride on. today i am happy , though not married but dating a guy that appreciates me .

  • You have two choices, either accept his infidelity or leave the marriage. Accepting his infidelity means, you stop checking his phone, he can bring his lovers home for hot sex, infect you with STDs that may lead to your death.
    Leaving the marriage means you totally ignore him,, stop having sex with him, safe money, start planning your exit without letting him know, by first moving back to your parents house, get a job and concentrate on improving your finances.

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