Five Essential Factors That Destroy Marriages – 30 Year-Old Marriage Therapist, Louise Atkinson Reveals

According to Dailymail, Louise Atkinson has spent more than 30 years as a marital therapist and has written 18 books about love, and he is convinced that any couple, however long they’ve been together, can fall giddily back in love just by asking.

In the beginning of a relationship, even tiny things like falling asleep next to each other or laughing together at dinner feel exciting and meaningful. Then, several weeks or months in, you can do the exact same things and feel nothing.

The truth is that the fresh thrill of passion simply can’t burn as brightly as it did at the start of a relationship after decades of marriage, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept the descent into tetchy boredom.

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In Louise Atkinson’s opinion, it is not just big things that can destroy a relationship; petty little things can chip away, too. Both persons in a relationship have various faults and some of the things that can break a marriage include the following.

• Either of you always having to be right

If you tend to respond to criticism with defensiveness or an excuse, you can turn around your whole relationship simply by learning to apologise when you slip up. There’s no need to explain why, just say ‘I’m sorry about . . .’ and leave it at that.

• Ignoring each other/ zoning out

It’s so easy to keep one eye on the TV or to idly flick through your phone while your partner is talking, but this gives the damaging message that you’re not interested.

Look at each other when you’re speaking and have phone-free places (the bedroom) and times (when you’re having a meal together). It takes five nice things (smiling, compliments, flirty texts, saying thank you, hugs) to combat a single nasty one (being short, a sarcastic comment, not looking up from your phone), but a ratio of ten to one helps love to thrive.

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Tiptoeing round each other

If you regularly swallow your annoyance to keep the peace you could be shutting feelings down. This could eventually extend to positive feelings, including love.

It’s important to learn to disagree, argue and make up, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Start with a small irritant (chewing noisily, for example), then tell your partner, when it’s happening, that it irritates you.

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If it’s a small issue, they are unlikely to be upset and you should feel empowered to tackle bigger issues.

• Putting the children and grandchildren first (whatever their age)

Very often life continues to revolve around children even when they’ve grown up and left home. Make a point of putting your partner first occasionally and make time to have fun together.

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Keeping score

Everyone has a secret score card in their head that keeps a mental tally of which of you is making more of an effort than the other, whether it’s earning money, doing the housework, or organising the summer holiday.

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Periodically look at the division of tasks with fresh eyes. Sit down together and write a list, then discuss what makes you feel overloaded and listen to your partner’s problem areas. Look for win-win situations where you can both get something you want. Do a trade: I will sort this if you will do that.

It has been revealed that the above mentioned factors are the major reasons why marriages crash easily when it is supposed to to get stronger and willing by the day.

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However, no one is perfect, but putting efforts into making things work is programmed by our mindset. Go on and make it work.