11 Completely Avoidable Mistakes That May Cost You Your Marriage
No right-thinking person goes into a sacred union as marriage with the intention to one day conveniently excuse themselves, yet the spate of divorces is getting worrisome. Mistakes are a part of living but not being deliberate about your marriage can cause you regrets and cause your marriage avoidable damage.
Like with other areas of life, it is the little things that count. Let’s go over 11 seemingly simple but important things that may be hindering you and your partner from finding fulfillment in your marriage.
1. Forgetting That You Are A Unit
Marriage is not just about sex, having needs met or even parenting. It is a sacred union where two people come together as one, building towards a common goal and future. Far too often, the mistake is that many people centre themselves and focus on their rights and expectations from their significant other. It is important to train your mind to accept that your marriage is about both of you. To avoid destroying your marriage, get back to the basics of a shared life instead of a competition of who’s right.
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2. Failing To Acknowledge Your Differences
Never operate in your marriage with the intention that things must be done your way. Being a couple who share a life does not mean you are alike in all areas, yet one of the biggest mistakes married couples make is expecting our partners to think and act just like us. Since we are from different families and are products of different experiences, it is crucial to not attempt to make our own views the blueprint or the most correct way of living. If we can pull back from our high horse, we may find that our mate’s family did a few things right that if we integrated into our own family might help us correct some weaknesses within us.
3. The Silent Treatment
Marriage or any other kind of relationship for that matter will probably not stand the test of time where communication lines are clogged. A common strategy employed by many couples where there’s a misunderstanding is to keep malice and give them the cold shoulder. If you are hoping to get your partner to come to terms with something you feel strongly about, the silent treatment method does not work and it has ended too many marriages already. Find more mature ways to respectfully disagree and discuss with your partner. Express yourself to each other, learn from your mistakes, apologize and move on.
4. Depriving Each other of Necessities:
It is almost instinctive for anyone to look for their necessities wherever they can get it. Punishing your partner by withholding sex, food or other necessities is a major mistake that you could be making. If you do deny them those basics, you could be shooting yourself in the foot. Do not use the necessities as a weapon to inflict punishment, get what you need or have your way. Always communicate through dialogue instead.
Three is obviously a crowd when it comes to marriage. The danger of indiscriminately opening up your marriage or partner to third parties is they make contributions without knowing the full story, what they tell you to do is often not the appropriate advice. Ego makes it difficult for you to do the right thing after you have listened to such advice, no one wants to appear weak, so watch it.
6. Telling Lies
Honesty is the best policy and especially so in a marriage. No better place to come with clean hands than in your marriage. Telling lies or withholding important information could potentially destroy your marriage even if it seems beneficial in the beginning. When the truth is eventually spilled, which is often the case, your spouse will feel deceived and wonder what else you have lied about. You may not be able to put a leash on things from then on.
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7. Ignoring Each Other’s Love Language
A person’s love language is what makes them feel loved. Learning and giving your partner what they require to feel loved is perhaps one of the easiest things to keep the flames of your love burning, still many couples have yet to figure it out.
Love language for some is gifts, others, words of affirmation and for some others, it is sex. If you do not speak the right language to your partner, it’s like feeding grass to a lion. He won’t eat it and he will still remain hungry. Leaving your partner feeling unloved is a costly mistake you don’t want to make in your marriage, so learn the ropes.
8. Comparing Your Partner To Someone Else
When you compare your partner to someone else, especially when you feel the other person is better, it lowers your partner’s self-esteem and makes them resent you. The danger there is there will be consequences sooner or later, so, watch what you say.
9. Lack Of Support For Your Partner’s Dreams And Aspirations
When a partner does not feel that you support them in their dreams and aspirations, they feel you are on separate teams. Your partner then begins to look for his/her own team member. When they find this person outside the home, it usually becomes difficult to tear them apart and this poses enormous risk to a marriage. You should cheer your partner on and support their dreams.
Abuse of all kinds is a no-no! No one form of abuse is better than the other, keep your hands to yourself whenever there’s a scuffle, and mind the words you speak in a moment of anger. Even if you apologise later and your partner says they have forgiven you, abuse sows seeds of enmity that may be slow but will surely surface later.
This, even when it occurs once, brings a lot of complications and tears otherwise happy families apart in the speed of light. Stay committed to your spouse.