Marriage can be exciting and fulfilling when all seem to be going great, but it only takes one silly mistake to turn what looks like a beautiful journey into a nasty, disappointing, and heartbreaking experience. Recently, a well-known celebrity went on social media to make a public apology to his wife for an act of infidelity he had committed against her despite their love for each other.
Even though this act of unfaithfulness is common in many marriages today, especially in multi-cultural societies that make references to male supremacy, the interpretation of commitment remains personal to each person in marriage.
Read family coach, Elizabeth Badejo’s take on the four things to consider where you find that you and your spouse
1. PERSPECTIVES MAY DIFFER
I cannot emphasise enough the impact of family values and childhood experiences as having massive influence on how some people understand the value of faithfulness in marriage. Even though a man or woman’s upbringing should not justify their behaviour in their adult life; however, when your spouse has had an adverse childhood experience as a result of traumas that were never addressed, they may struggle to give what they never really had. The truth is that the differences in your values and mindsets can influence your happiness in marriage.
“People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve got lost” – Dalai Lama
2. MISTAKES ARE INEVITABLE
The process of ‘give and take’ is required in every relationship and it is only when you have the true understanding of disappointments as part of our marital journey that you can fully accept that things do not always work out the way you plan it. Everyone has their own shortcomings and no one is perfect. Even though the mistakes your spouse made can be insensitive and painful, finding the heart to assess the reason behind the behaviour will make more sense and can mitigate the intensity of your resentment.
3. RESENTMENT IS LIKE POISON
When you allow resentment to penetrate your current situation, it can become difficult to see a way out of the problem as you continue to see yourself as the victim who has been badly damaged. Resentment can send you on a path of self-destruction and gradually diminish your compassion and sense of reasoning towards someone you call your better half. What goes up must surely come down; give yourself a break and think about your own well-being; after all, marriage is just one of your purposes in life, not all.
4. COMMUNICATION IS INDISPENSABLE
They say “it takes two to make things go alright” so communication is the only way to start and express how you feel about the animosity you may be experiencing right now. Express your displeasure and let your feelings out in denunciation of your spouse’s terrible behaviour but also give them a chance to express their feelings and take responsibility for the act committed too. Communication is indispensable and it is a good way to steer the conversation in the right direction and hopefully towards a positive outcome.
Even though your spouse may not have a reason to justify their irresponsible behaviour, marriage is a journey of self-reflection as well and of two people trying to bring the best out from a horrible situation. There is always a lesson to learn no matter how hurtful and difficult the situation may seem at present.