Dear MIMster: Am I Just Being Too Insecure Or Paranoid?

I am 26 years old while my boyfriend is 28. Am I just being too insecure or paranoid?

We started out as friends while I was still at university. He has an ND result and he is also a graphic designer. He does not have any intention of getting his HND education.

When I was at 300 level when he asked me out and I told him to give me some time. I told my mentor about it, and she asked me to pray about it because I had had an issue with my ex-boyfriend which led to a depression that made me almost committed suicide.

I prayed and I knew I had to be patient so I told him to wait for 6 months for a reply. While we were both waiting, we got to know each other better even though we’ve already known each other for over a year.

So 6 months later, we started dating. Our relationship is over 2 years now and throughout these years, he has been a wonderful person.

The problem now is, when I was in school, I use to have this hostel mate whom I was close to, she is this loose type who likes relating to guys in a certain way. She sends nudes and sex tapes to guys. So when my phone got lost during my project in school, I had to use her phone to call my mum and boyfriend before I got another phone.

During my service last year, I discovered that this girl and my boyfriend have been chatting. They chat away into mid-night. I didn’t know this was happening because neither of them told me that they were chatting with each other.

In their chat, she made my boyfriend promise that he won’t reveal any of their chats to me. I was very angry and hurt when I saw the chats because this is almost the same thing that happened with my ex-boyfriend and I had my doubts that very day when I wanted to use her phone to call my boyfriend when my phone got lost.

I confronted my boyfriend and he couldn’t give me a tangible reason why he was chatting with her and even discussing our relationship with her. So he promised to stop chatting with her, which he did for a while then he started again and even told her that I asked him to stop chatting with her.

When I saw that, I collected my system that he was using for his graphic work and I asked for a break. He begged me and promised that he has repented. Then his phone got stolen and he went offline for about 5 months, now he is back online and they are chatting again. He denies chatting with her and he even told me that he has blocked her number which is a lie.

I think he is lying to me because he is emotionally attached to her.

I have invested in this relationship emotionally and financially. He chats with other ladies and I don’t have an issue with him doing that. How should I go about this? Should I break up with him even though from their chat, I didn’t see him ask her out? But he knows that I am not comfortable with both of them chatting, yet, he has refused to block her.

Am I just being too insecure or paranoid?