Dear MIMsters: Would I Be Right To Think That I Was Violated?
Hi Mimsters, there’s something that has been bothering lately. I have decided to share it here in this forum just to start up a conversation and probably get more insight. Would I be right to think I was violated?
I am 37 years old but these events happened when I was between 9 and 11. My uncle who was living with us then used to come into my room almost every night to penetrate me.
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This uncle was 15 years old at the time because he was only 4 years older than me. To be honest, I use to be awake most of those nights and shamefully use to enjoy it. I would pretend to be asleep while spreading my legs apart.
Reminiscing about it makes me so angry but then again, a lingering thought in my head defensively says that I never resisted or complained, it only stopped after an aunt caught and reported him.
So, my confusion now is this: since he was barely an adult when all these happened, would it be called rape? Also considering that the age difference is small and that he was also a minor, would I be right to think that I was violated or we were just kids experimenting? Note that this only happened at night and during the day, he behaved like a normal kid.
Now, I am struggling with the pain of yesteryears that keeps me awake some nights and depresses me. I can’t even mention it to my husband, I know he won’t judge me but it is just an awkward story.
The last time I mentioned this to an ex, it didn’t go down well. I was called cursed and accused of committing incest which also cost me that relationship. Good radiance though!
Thus, I am presenting it to the good members of this forum and to answer this question: is it normal to keep silent and enjoy such an act even when the offender has not threatened you not to tell anyone?
Well, looking back now to what I was exposed to as a child, I believe that I was sexualized from the cradle.
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My advice to every mum is to guard your girls like a hawk. For it is only by the grace of God that I was not damaged for life. After that experience, I didn’t have sex till I was like 22 and then I remember my first asking me if I was a virgin. I told him some people were born non-virgin. I told him that because I believed someone else might have abused me when I was younger. It is surreal but believe me.
About 10 years ago, I had memory flashbacks of me as a 2 or 3-year-old holding a grown man’s penis. This was in the house where I was born. I knew we had many male apprentices who were learning a trade, living with us then. So, I think a lot must have happened back then, and it is so traumatizing to have such as my earliest memory.
So mothers, don’t trust any man other than your spouse around your girls. Exposing children to sex via the real act or pornography is now common in many homes, I saw what was bigger than me as a child through the hands of the battalion of relatives that my parents brought into our home.
As a 7-year-old, I watched pornography because the adults watched it as soon as our parents were out, even though they knew that there were children in the house. Like I said, thank God I was not broken or turned into a sex maniac. What I am struggling with now are the images in my head as they are not going away.
On a lighter note, I have a very high libido but I am very disciplined and monogamous. I don’t know if is this is related to what I experienced as a child.