Dear MIMsters: I Think My Mum Is Wrong About MIL But How Do I Fix This Dilemma?

I want to know if all mothers-in-law are bad. I am saying this because I have known my mother-in-law since birth and I perceive her to be very prayerful, helpful and someone who doesn’t like trouble. My husband is her only male child and this makes them very close.

I love my mother-in-law with all my heart but my mum tells me to be careful as my grandmother (my mum’s mother-in-law) never treated her right. Anytime I want to go and stay with my mother-in-law, my mum objects.

The issue now is, I have a 10-month-old baby and it recently became possible for me to join my husband overseas for just a month but my mum is objecting bitterly because:

  1. She does not want me to wean the baby and says he would fall sick if I wean him and leave.
  2. She does not want my mother-in- law to take care of the baby while I am away. She objected strongly when I decided to give my child to my mother-in-law to take care of when I resumed work after maternity leave and had to leave the baby with a total stranger who gave my baby cough mixture instead of paracetamol syrup.
  3. She thinks I have to take the baby along because he’s still a baby, yet, we are not financially sound to afford that.

Mothers in the house, kindly help me out of this situation as I don’t know whether to listen to my husband and join him for the holidays and save my marriage or listen to my mother.

P.S: My mum also left us to go the States and we (4 of us) have practically been on our own since then.

My husband also feels my mother does not like his family, though I have not told him the reasons my mother doesn’t want me to leave the baby behind.

My mother-in-law is a retired educationist and so is my father-in-law. They leave in a big house alone and will feel honoured to have their grandson with them this Christmas. Did I mention my son just started walking? Is anything wrong with leaving him with them for just one month? Kindly advise me.

16 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: I Think My Mum Is Wrong About MIL But How Do I Fix This Dilemma?”
  • To me I can’t leave my 10mnths old baby for a day let alone one whole month,I will still prefer my child to be with my mum other dan my mother inlaw(my view) ur mum thinks bad of ur mother in law for a reason,ask her well,left to me,d child is too young to be left alone for a month. When my dota traveld for two weeks,it was like two decades,me I can’t,don’t know for u

  • I don’t understand the financial implications of taking your child with you for a month. Is it feeding? Or is it ticket money? Well I think your mother should chill a bit with the hate of your mother inlaw, I mean the child is their grandchild too and I doubt she would want to hurt your baby. If traveling is so important, then give the baby to your mom to care for while you’re away. I know she’s complaining about weaning the baby, but I have seen and heard people wean babies at 10 months. If she’s just complaining and not ready to care for your baby while you’re away, then take baby to your mother inlaw.

  • Eventhough nothing would have happened to him but I’m not just comfortable leaving him behind for a month not even with your mother. Please reschedule your visit to atleast let him reach 1 year then follow your instincts

  • You have a son and one day you’ll be someone ‘s mother in law so are you going to be a bad mother in law. I left my son with my mum in law for a year to study. He was well looked after and now he is 8, he hardly remember I left him with Grandma. It’s up to you and stop listening to your mum, her experience does not mean every mother in law is bad. I have the best mum in law and pray to God to be better person myself.

  • My dear if is compulsory dt u will travel pls go with ur baby ok ad try to find out y ur mum is behaving dis way to her inlaw

  • My dear, since your husband is the only son I advice you to be close to your mum in law. Don’t take your mum advice against your laws ok. let them do you wrong before you will believe your mother. As for me you can live your child with them is there child also.

  • try to be close to ur mother in law but don’t let ur mum knows.besides ur mother in law is the best person to leave ur baby with cos she is an educationist.you are now married my dear make decisions on your own don’t be mummy’s girl.learn to keep thing to itself don’t involve ur mum in your matrimonial issues .stay strong and be blessed

  • For me i will gladly leave my baby with my mil she took care of ur husband so she will be happy to take care of her grandchild. As for ur mum becareful so she will not direct u wrongly, u said she left u guys when u are small to go us so why is she having problem with that now. I will advice u see ur pastor for more & better councelling. I have travelled & leave a baby of 3month all i do is wash my breast & bring d milk out for three wks & when i came back d baby start sucking again. God help u

  • Please ignore your mum and her hatred. I have learnt that by their fruits, you shall know them. Your MIL seems a really nice and decent woman. Don’t let your mother ruin your home.

  • Please ignore your mum, she probably feels guilty for leaving you guys when you were younger and is transferring her fears to you. Your MIL seems like a good person, one month isn’t that long. Your son won’t remember and your in law will be grateful for that special time with their grandson.

  • Your mum doesn’t know your mother in law better than you do. If it’s not convenient for you to travel with your child, please do well to leave him with your in-laws. Afterall from your write up, your mum is in no position to help you care for your child so why stay wherever she is and dish out instructions. Abegiiiii

  • Though some MIL r cruel but not all, I know your mum definitely have another reason for her action against your MIL which I think u should try persuade her to tell you and if she doesn’t, jst ignore her so that she does not ruin your home. Just give the baby to your MIL without telling your mum and go but my dear is 1month not too much cause I can’t,

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