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Dear Mimsters: My Marriage Has Brought Me Nothing But Sorrow and Pain

Hello Mimsters, I need your advice on what to do, because right now, dying is so much better than living in this hell of a marriage. My marriage has brought me nothing but sorrow and pain.

I got married 3 years ago to a man who had been previously married with two kids. He told me that his former wife left because he caught her with another man on their matrimonial bed. I didn’t know that it was all a lie. Although, she cheated on him, thinking about it now, I must say he deserved it because he is a very wicked man.

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He appeared to be a caring and nice man, despite our age differences. I accepted him. I had just gained admission into a polytechnic then, so he sponsored my ND program and also paid my bride price. I use to visit him from school during the holidays. When I finally discovered who he really was, it was already too late for me. I was pregnant already.

This man is a chronic womanizer, a night crawler who he lies pathologically. I will not see him for a whole week. He will not call me and hardly picks my call. He always says that he is busy. He doesn’t have any feelings for me. Anytime I check his phone, I have headaches. Different chats, calls and texts from different girls.

When he finally comes back home and I ask for money to cook, he will get mad at me but he sends money to these girls. He asks me why am I questioning him and why I don’t have a job. I own a small provision shop. When he was working, I told him to assist me with a loan so I can expand my shop, he refused.

If we are together, he doesn’t want me to talk about money, doesn’t want me to have money, even in my account. If he sees any money in my account, he will make sure I spend everything and leave us without a dime. While he will be out there, spending money anyhow. He doesn’t care how we survive: my younger sister, my baby and I.

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This year, the company terminated his appointment and since then I have been catering for the family as usual since he used his savings to enjoy himself with different women. Any money he gets, he still takes it and gives it to another woman. All these, have been eating me up inside as I  have nobody to talk to. I believe that when you share your problems with outsiders, they will only laugh and gossip about you, So, I keep my pain to myself. If I tell my mom, she will say that I should endure it and pray.

I have cried, prayed and talked to him, nothing has changed.

There’s this girl that my husband normally hangs out with. She calls him day and night. So, this week I took her number and called her. I warned her to stop calling my husband and she started insulting me. She called my husband and reported me to him.

My husband came home, without asking me anything, he started beating me up. My sister was telling him that I was not feeling well, he didn’t listen. He has seized my phone since Monday because I called his girlfriend. Since that day, I have been down. I don’t even see him in the morning before he leaves for the bar now and moves around with a condom.

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I took the spare key to his wardrobe and I discovered that he has been paid some rent money. As early as 9:00am today, he had gone out to see the girls and to drink. If I ask for money, even if it’s for his little boy, he will start shouting at me. I want to leave him before I die in pain. If I leave, I don’t have anywhere to go with my sister and my son.

I don’t want to go and meet my mom in the village. His brothers are all the same, but he’s worse. I don’t know where to start from. I am 25 years old, but I have taken shit that my mates cannot take. I can’t write everything here. I have lived a life of sorrow and regret.

6 Discussions on
“Dear Mimsters: My Marriage Has Brought Me Nothing But Sorrow and Pain”
  • I feel that woman am also in the relationship,please my dear don’t say you don’t know where to go please you’re too young you can start it all over again

  • I would advice u walk away.. besides must u have only one account.u can have second account wtout ATM were u can be saving money.try save a little money in a new acct and move on…

  • ladies should learn the following lesson
    1. marriage does not solve your problem
    2. if a man has been married before, dont rush into marriage with him, investigate and find out what led to the breakdown of the first marriage
    3. in marriage, you need to deal with a difficult and irresponsible spouse with wisdom. he does not need to know how much you earn, open a secret account, hide money from him etc
    4. BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. if you have your own money, you will fine it easy to redeem back your life from an abusive and unhappy home
    my sister, save enough money and go back to the village to your mom, from there, you will be able to recuperate and plan how to move on with your life, you can now choose to come back to town to start life afresh

  • If u knew he married bf my sister u wuldav enter atall men with dere sweet mouth.dnt leave evil spirit is after him all I can say is DAT The bible is against divorce so if u av little money of find a way and go to Lagos and attend TB jousha church dat is synagogues of all nation Emmanuel TV church and I promise u DAT everytin will be oky and he will change for gud my dear dnt worry all will be well in Jesus name amen.

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