Dear MIMsters: My Loving Husband Who Can’t Make Love To Me Suggests I Use a Dildo

I am 33, my husband is 40. We are blessed with 2 lovely kids. My husband is such a loving man and a good father to our kids but he cannot make love to me.

In 2013, he was diagnosed with tumour in the bladder and had several surgeries but the tumor kept growing back and became cancerous so doctor advised a rapid removal of the bladder. This was done early last year in March.

The end result is that he is alive for me and my kids. The sad thing is that he can’t perform any more as it has affected his manhood. The doctor assured us he would be active again but can’t say when.

READ ALSO: Dear MIMsters: My Husband Wants Me to Live With Him Under These Conditions. Would You Accept Them If You Were In My Shoes

Now, being a very sexually active lady and have enjoyed sexual intimacy with my husband, I don’t know how to cope. I know he is affected as well.

Last night he told me he was going to order a dildo and vibrator to use with me. I told I will think about it first but to be frank, I have resorted to masturbating to satisfy my urges. I have never used a dildo before. I feel very awkward about this and don’t know whether to say yes or no. I guess he is  afraid I would cheat on him since it has been over a year we had sex last.

I don’t need insults, only your kind advice and prayers for my husband.

32 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: My Loving Husband Who Can’t Make Love To Me Suggests I Use a Dildo”
  • I understand your pains and I pray God help you. Even if he can’t have sex but he can have some oral sex with you to satisfy you even if it won’t replace the joy stick. I don’t think dido is the best solution. All I will say is please keep praying and anointing him and God will restore health to him. Its well with you.

  • He is indeed a good man that’s after ur well being. Yes to vibrator…no to dildo! And ofcus he can do every other thing wt u ranging from kissing to cuddling and ofcus the almighty foreplay. It can alwys help wt the healing process. If u cool wt mouth jobs too,why not if not. U wanna know how u will also b helping him let him be ur guide tru it all dt way he will b satisfied and u will too. God will heal him soon pls stand by him n DNT give in to yearning if ur body to cheat.

  • Agree to the dildo poster because you can’t cheat. And teach him how to give you head and other ways to pleasure you.

  • Don’t Have the right word to say to you,am speechless but try communicate with him tell him how you feel,you have been patience enough for a year atlest you both have kids,whatever toy just make use of it to satisfy your urges instead of committing adultery,since the doctor said he’ll be fine be patient he will,He’s better alive than Dead

  • Tough one there but God will see you through. Since you have already taken to mastubation, it’s easier to incorporate dildo to spice up things cos sooner or later you’ll crave Penetration as mere fondling won’t satisfy you anymore and the worst thing that can happen is should ur hubby find out you eventually start doing it secretly he’d be so disappointed, so kindly take his generous offer, free your mind, let go of irrelevant worries and allow ur hubby use it on u if that’s what he wants, it would also help ease his mind. Above all pray to God for restoration, he’ll understand.

  • You are a good woman married to a good man.Some men would expect you to remain celibate after all ‘its not his fault’.l would advise you accept his offer of sex toys but must be used on you by him.You both should go ahead with normal foreplay and all then he will penetrate with the toy.Whatever you decide to do,let him in on it(no secrets)

  • Hi dear,

    Dildos are okay, you will get used to them after a while. I can assure you it’s all in the mind. Be strong and be assured you are not alone in a case like this. Infidelity is not an option, you may get some lubricants as they go well with dildos. All the best.

  • The Lord will restore your husband fully in Jesus name. He that started d good work of healing will totally complete it. Stay strong and allow God lead you to take d right decision

  • I believe if the two of you incorporate the sex toys well, it will give you enough satisfaction for now pending when he will get better. Remember nothing is his fault here and he will also want to be pleasured and satisfied, so work with him.

  • Sorry dear sis,i pray Lord almighty restores ur hubby and give him total healing,amen.pls accept his offer and loosen ursef too,allow him to give u the pleasure u seek with d toys,u’ll be fine.cheers.

  • Tough one dear and I don’t know what to say. .God will see you through..Just know that whatever you do with your hubby in bed is no sin so don’t feel awkward or any how…its well

  • Be very patient with your man, easier said than done right? I’m not sure what your vow was on your wedding day, but if it’s the usual vows most of us are used to, “To stay put in sickness and in health, poorer or richer, till death do you part etc”. Communicate very well with your man too and tell him what you want as far as intimacy. you can still enjoy intimacy if you put your heart to it, explore other ways of being intimate with your man. I imagine your situation is not an easy one but remember this verse 1 cor 10:12-14. “There hath no temptation taken hold of you but such as is common to man. But God is faithful; He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it”. Also keep your eyes on God and ask him to help you at this time. Pray for your husband and help him, I assume he’s suffering more than you can imagine that he can not satisfy you. Perhaps this is a test of your faith as a very ”sexually Active” person. Christian or not.
    Please be encouraged that this too shall pass.

  • Oh God,am short of words,am speechless, I feel like crying,dont worry dear just assure him you are not gonna cheat,accept the dildo,and do everything with him,he can give u head as well.

  • Dildos and vibrator’s are OK with time you will really like it .By God’s grace your husband will be fully recovered

  • I was close to tears ,never knew some men even though not alright still care in such way, sis he suggested it go for it n still be strong by him ,one day u both will look back n will not find the fear any more,God will heal n he will be alright . just trust God

  • Pray very hard with faith and God will heal ur husband very soon. The bladder need to be healed well.
    It has nothing to do with his sexual organ.
    If you can’t cope, use the dildo he suggested if not he will be suspecting that you are cheating on him and b4 you say Jack Robinson your home is gone.

  • Do you know healthy eating can restore your husband back?? Pls go into more of raw veggies intake. Blend carrot juice, raw vegetable smoothies, fruits, blended ginger drinks, etc. and reduce the cooked food. Do this and watch your husband transform into a sexually active man again. Try this and thank me later… Meanwhile, teach him how to give you a head and say yes to the vibrator and be patient. God bless you.

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