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Dear MIMsters: How Do I Deal With My Wicked and Jealous Mother?

Dear MIMsters: How Do I Deal With My Wicked and Jealous Mother?

Dear moms I really need your advice on how to handle my mother who is wicked and jealous of me

As I’m typing I’m crying my heart out. I’m in my late 20s, a wife and a mother of two. My oldest is 2 years and my youngest, 3 months.

My mother left my sister and I when we were around my kids’ age. I was a 3 months old baby. I’ve always looked at my 3 months-old baby and I’ve asked myself how can my mom leave me at that age?

She left us with my granny and lied to her saying she’ll be back to pick us up but my mom never showed up. My dad was in Germany at the time. We never heard from our mom again but we heard she was in the US.

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Finally, she visited and brought us to the US to live with her and her husband. I met my mom when I was a teenager. My sister and I moved in with her when were 21 and 19 respectively, here in the US.

Things got really rough. My sister and I would clean public toilets from morning till evening and when we get paid, my mom would take the money and give it to her husband and even uses our money to buy him a car.

She gets angry when we eat the food at the house meanwhile,Ā  my sister and I were the ones paying for the food (groceries). I got tired and started complaining. My mom got mad and kicked me and my sister out of her house.

We were here in the US for only less than a year and we didn’t know anyone. We ended up sleeping outside with some Mexicans (thank God nobody raped us). She even took our green cards from us saying we should go back to Ghana. She never looked for us. She never said she was sorry. But I forgave her.

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She came to my life again and now telling bad things about me to my MIL. She told my MIL that I’m a bad person and that I’m lazy. She called me names. Said so many negative things about me.

My MIL was shocked that my own mom would say such things about me to her. She was expecting my MIL to treat me bad and tell her son to leave me but to God Be The Glory, things turned out the other way round. I cried when my MIL told me. She prayed with me and said she got my back and I love her my MIL for that.Ā My husband is the only child.

Now, because my MIL didn’t listen to her she is now telling me bad things about her. She is well known as “the mother who says bad things about her kids” here in my state. A lot of people think my MIL is my mom because of how she treats me.

There are some great MILs out there. I thank God for mine. At least I have a mother who loves me. My mom is also a jealous woman, who’s competitive and wants everything for herself. She always brings me down when I’m happy and even told me once that I was ugly. Her words can kill.

How can my own mother treat me this way? She kicked me out of her house, came back to my life, and now, she wants to destroy my marriage. It’s like she doesn’t want to wish me well.

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I loved my mom even when I didn’t know who she was but she hates me and my sister so much that she doesn’t want us to be happy. I’m so scared of her right now. How do I cope with or handle a mum like that?

View Comments (38)
  • To be very honest with you, i don’t think you should give her any place in your life.. There’s a ghanaian proverb that goes like this.. the dog that would want to bite you is the one that shows you its teeth when barking at you. Your mum has showed you and your sister that she cannot be trusted. If a mum could go as far as wanting her own daughter’s marriage to fail, then i wouldn’t want to keep such a pwrson in my life.
    Forgive her but never give her any place in your life. Be nice and kind to her when she needs help but be wise.

    • I agree with FAUSTINE CHRISTIANSE totally! If only the send will take this advice it will really help her. She is ur mom n she will always bee, but be wise and pray for her because she needs help.

  • She will always be ur mum,there is an igbo proverb that says he who dines with the devil must dine with a long spoon.forgive her but u must apply caution when dealing with her. All the best

  • what are you still doing communicating with her. Please cut all ties with her but pray for her. You act like a weakling to her and thats what gives her the previlage to treat you badly. How can a mother leave her chidren out in the cold…You no longer live with her you on your own nw and even married with lovely kids to look after. Let her know you fed up with her attitude. Thank God you have a mother figure (ur mil).

  • good u’ve forgiven her.but keep ur distance expecially now u have growing children so she does not infect dem.and even while d children are growing giv dem reasons y u are distant from her.my grand mother was lyk her and dats wat my mum did.and it really helpd us cuz later in years wen we decided to come closer to her she started feeding us wit bad tins about my mum but tnk god we knew her story so we ran

  • Pls forgive her but don’t allow her in any place in ur life…this is just to much. Keeping praying for her she ll change one day.

  • I know it’s hard from all you have gone through, forgive please, but put her at an arm’s length. Also try and pray for her to have a change of heart.

  • I wonder if some women really carried a baby for 9 months and actually gave birth. Some women tho’… dear poster please forgive her….

  • I think you should give her some space. You shouldn’t have allowed her in your life again. The Lord will help u in your marriage.

  • My dear move on, I will not allow a run mother to ruin my life. my mom did same but my case, my dad died when I was 2. my aunt took care of us so to me she is my mother, I have two kids and she doesn’t know any and will never know them. Your mom is not a mother, but baby carrier. Move on and enjoy your marriage

  • There is nothing to forgive, just move on….. Stay far far away from her. Tell her to stay far from your life. U need to be strong and tell her off. If u disown her, she may come to her senses

  • Biology doesn’t make one a mother. Some people are not meant to be parents. Period. When they get old they would expect their kids to forgive them after a lifetime of evil

  • Thank God u & ur sis r grown ups now so I c no reason y u have anything to do wt her.thank God for ur MIL, continue to take her as ur mum& things wl augur well for u . finally pls forget dat woman u call ur mum (cos I doubt if she is) cos she is wicked& manipulative& wl do anything to break ur marriage. Just keep her @ arms length. She should not even b welcomed in ur home. Takia

  • Am kinda speechless, But please keep your mum distant from your home. Don’t pity her until she changes for good. Someone that you call mum should never treat you that way…

  • Dear,forgive bt dnt giv her any oda chance into ur lyf.ThankGod for blessing u wit a gud MIL.

  • Its best u stay away 4rm her so as nt 2 corrupt ur kids as well as destroying ur home. I pray God see u tru

  • Plz,Forgive her and stay clear frm her.Focus on ur family.pray for her.God Will arrest her soon

  • I thank God for d forgiving spirit and a kind heart he has given to you. Pls forgive her wholeheartedly just like everybody said. She has wreck enough havoc in your life so pls stay completely away from her. Who knows maybe she’s possessed. Bcos I don’t know why she’s bent on destroying you and your sis. The lord will give you wisdom to handle her

  • This is hard but try to forgive her though not to accept her in ur home.Stay far away from her as much as possible.She is an unrepentant witch.

  • My dear, not every woman deserves the title of mom. She sure doesn’t. Please be very careful when dealing with her cos she’s capable of doing anything.

  • Look let her be, But be very far 4rm her becaues, devil want to use her to destroy ur life and that of ur sis.Say no to de devil

  • giving birth to a child doesn’t make one a mother. kick that woman out of your life before she ends your life and marriage for you.

  • Hmmmmmm am really dump here o! But still wondering what you are so close, that you still notice her! To the extent of having time to listen to what she has to say about your MIL when she is not even suposed to know your house address…. Biko apply wisdom dear!

  • Hmmm, what a world, a yoruba proverb says “he that has a head, does not have cap and he that has a cap ,does not have Head”. Pls i wud suggest u distance urself from that ur mother fine she gave birth to u, but seeks for u to end up like herself ie ( destroy ur marriage ). So pls stand ur ground and command her not to come to ur home again. Pls cherish ur MIL like she is ur mother cos that is what God gave u as a replacement. I HAPPEN TO FIND MYSELF IN SIMILAR POSITION, THOU I WAS BROUGHT UP BY A STEP MOTHER. BUT A WONDERFUL MIL. it is well shalom.

  • My dear,
    I know it hurts what your mum has done and is doing. But on a second thought, don’t you think your mum needs psychological help? She might be depressed. This might have gone on for so long..especially because she left you at three months..postpartum depression that was worsened by lack of support. It abounds in africa. If she doesn’t get help, she will go on and on until her body gives her away. I really think you should look at it from that perspective dear. I have seen worse cases of depression and how it can manifest in women..You can tell someone she respectsaid about it. Let her get medical and psychological help. Pray about it too. Thank you for forgiving her. You are blessed dear.

  • Cut all form of communication witj her and if possible report her to the authority that she is a threat to your life and marriage that you dont want to be identified with her any longer. Let her go with her wickedness after all she has never been there where you needed her most so why condone her excess at this stage of your life. You deserve to be happy and she cant stop that.

  • You should have cut off all ties with your mom.. haba! What else do you need her do before you realize she’s evil? Stay away from her if you love your life/marriage.

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