Dear MIM: 3 Years And A Baby Later, My Marriage To My Supposed Soulmate Is A Total Nightmare
I am in my mid twenties. I got married three years ago to a man I thought was my soulmate. He claimed to be a born again christian, but little did I know he was deceiving me. I didn’t conceive immediately after our wedding because he had low sperm count, and we opted for IVF which worked after the third attempt. I gave birth to a baby girl 3 months ago.
What breaks my heart is that I found out during the course of my pregnancy that he cheats on me with many girls and even sleeps with prostitutes. I confronted him and he beat me up in my pregnant state. He even knocked out my tooth with his fist on a particular occasion. I told him I wanted a separation and he promised to change, but I’ve noticed that he keeps talking with different girls.
I went through his phone last night and found out that he still cheats. I confronted him this morning only for him to start asking why I went through his phone. I told him that since he has no respect for our marital vows, then I’ll have no other option than to divorce him and leave with my child. Before I knew it, he pounced on me and started hitting me, not minding that I was carrying our baby. He even hit her in the process.
My mother who was in the other room sleeping heard my screams and rushed out. Before she could say anything, he resumed hitting me, in defiance to her presence. He thereafter put on his clothes and zoomed off.
I am typing this message in tears because I’m tired and frustrated. I want to divorce him but don’t know how to start as I just graduated from the university and yet to get a job. I’ve told my parents but my mum keeps abusing me, saying I want to bring disgrace upon my family. My dad on the other hand doesn’t see anything bad in my hubby’s behaviour.
I know I can never be happy with a cheating and abusive husband. If only I knew I’ll end up in a marriage like this.
Mothers, please I need your candid advice. I know I deserve better and this is not the life I want to live. I am still very young and beautiful and try my best to be a good wife and mother but don’t know why he keeps hurting me this much. The only two things on my mind now is to divorce him or start cheating as well.
Y not report him to ur pastor
Dnt cheat bk but go on ur kneels in prayer
I dnt even know wat to say
Don’t start cheating, just divorce him. Do not listen to your parents especially your mom saying u want to bring her disgrace. Try and get a job, and first of all move out of his house. If you can move out before getting a job, it’s also good before he kills you. You deserve better dear poster.
pls for the sake of Almighty God ,I think divorce is not the issue now. Get yourself job that will keep you busy most of your time .to be candid with you,what he did was inhuman treatment, lay his hand to beat you is very bad.report the issue to your pastor or his family member .stop checking your hubby phone because it has already been registered in your mind that his cheating on you ,even if is chatting with just ordinary friend you will still feel the same way. pray on his absurdities he can still change to better man you have known before.divorce is not the issue cos you really don’t know what’s up for you outside.
Really it would be a late option when she’s 6ft under abi. I would say bid ur time ignore him for now and get a job but if u have other option of where to go then leave ASAP. Ultimately the decision is yours ,I don’t know you but I think you are a strong woman and leaving is the only option. Trust me his Sick.
I support that,divorce is not d way out now,stop checking his phone and pray to God about d issue.God will intervene
A man beats you and even knocked out your tooth and you still asked him for separation? Your mother witnessed him beating you and still talks about upholding family name instead of helping you stay alive? Please leave with your baby. Arm yourself with evidence of this domestic violence and file for divorce. Get a teaching job and learn a skill alongside.Your baby needs you alive and healthy. If he kills or maims you, your story will only trend on social media for a while and then you’ll be forgotten.
Do not have sex with him anymore cos he may have a terrible disease…….keep silent and plan, get a job and move out of the house with your baby without his notice and file for divorce on the grounds of abuse…do not listen to ur mom or other people telling u to pray….pray when u are out of the house…..u need to be strong now…..#finlove#
The reason why some women are lying cold dead 6ft under is becos dey kia abt wat society says. My dear an abusive man will kill u one day and d worst part is u dn’t even knw wen dat day will be. WALK OUT of dis mistake of a marriage for ur daughter’s sake,dn’t mind wat ur mum n dad says or wat pple will say,believe me pple will always talk even dey are talkin right now behind u. If u die,na only u dey go,mama papa no go follow u die. Use ur tongue to count ur teeth.
When they advice young women to finish their education, get a job and be financially capable before entering in marriage, they wont listen oo. How can u rush into marriage at this tender age? Pls move out n find a job and stand on ur own two feet n stop enduring abuses cos one of these days, its your corpse that will arrive cold n peaceful in the mortuary. Simple principle for every girl : Education, job, love and marriage.
So sad that one can be unlucky sometimes.mistakes are part of life and can be corrected if identified.have you informed your pastor? He has role to play in all this. do you believe dat he can change into the husband or your your dreams? Cos there’s notthin too hard for God to do.if God can Change Saul then he can change him as well,all you need to do pray for him always.but if you try all your best and he doesn’t change then file for divorce cos you deserve to be happy and mind you that you are the one wearing the shoes not your parents or friends or relatives.Good luck in talking the best decision.
May God take control….
pls ignore anyone tellin u not to divorce him that u should remain there and pray i hope u read about the women whose hands were chopped off and dose women who were killed due to domestic violence….please leave his house befor he kills you biko nu…..get a better job only the living still pray to God.u can pray for him outside his home…park oooooouuutttt
Your m om should be ashamed of herself, she’s interested in her well being and not yours. Leave that fool before he kills you.
You are still there seeking for people’s opinions abi? Until he kills u huh? Abi your name na “iyayomi?” There have been thousand cases of homicides, men killing their wives here and there and u are waiting until u fall a victim before u will. Your parents are not helping you in any way. The guy was so disrespectful to even beat u before your mother and she is advising you to stay put. Worst of all, he sleeps around. What if he infects u with terrible disease? My dear, apply wisdom.
Please if you want to die continue to stay in the relationship, think of the diseases like HIV… your parents are only concerned with what people will say not about the damage that is been done to you. divorce him! let people talk, you will not be the first person divorcing and certainly will not be the last.
you are a graduate, you will find work eventually you will never starve if you put your trust in God. you can not let your children see you being disrespected as they will think that its the norm in future
if u have done ur church wedding, I will not advice divorce. try to get a job n keep urself busy. stop going thru his fone as u only hurt urself, n ignore him,to avo.id physical abuse.
do ur bit as a good wife, take care of urself and ur bundle of joy,dats ur baby, n keep praying to God, He’ll vindicate n fight for u. Grace!
U better leave
Your child needs u alive…. You can’t imagine what a cheating man can do to ur life…. girl think of HIV,
Think of ur life under siege by a barterer ….
Am surprised at your parent’s stand, but believe me, u will be much of a shame to ur family if u become diagnosed wt HIV or beaten to death.
Trust me, ur daughter will not forgive u.
Separate from ur source of Violence…. Only a tree stays even after hearing it will be cut.
Separate from him….. Divorce as a word sounds sad to people’s ears, but use Separate….and be alive !
Your child needs u alive…. You can’t imagine what a cheating man can do to ur life…. girl think of HIV,
Think of ur life under siege by a barterer ….
Am surprised at your parent’s stand, but believe me, u will be much of a shame to ur family if u become diagnosed wt HIV or beaten to death.
Trust me, ur daughter will not forgive u.
Separate from ur source of Violence…. Only a tree stays even after hearing it will be cut.
Separate from him….. Divorce as a word sounds sad to people’s ears, but use Separate….and be alive !
Then from ur safety place, pray for him
Are you born again? If yes this is your cross, may be you missed it somewhere but we are not dwelling on the past though a lesson for incoming ones. Stop checking his phone, keep praying for him and don’t cheat on him. He will repent if you are obedient and patient.
this is a case of violence and abuse…please,leave the house for sometime to avoid your sudden death and sexual diseases(don’t file for divorce yet,i call it seperation)…try to get a job maybe teaching at least to keep you busy then be closer to God and always pray for your husband…I will believe with that God will make him realise his mistakes and return to you but for now please flea for your life…I wonder why some fellow shallow minded women will tell you to stay
If you are scared to divorce him then move to stay with someone. Staying with someone who says you is like seeing a lion and trying to go closer. You could die in that marriage. Separate and get an apartment for yourself and get a job. It is going to be difficult but pls it’s not worth staying with a cheating husband who beats you as well. Don’t you listen to your parents. I have issues with some African parents. How can you watch your child being beaten and tell her to stay. My dear the reason why God gave you a brain is for you to think for yourself and not to let your parents decide for you. Aba!
I think you should not divorce him, but look for what to do,because the more you don’t have anything to do,the more you think of the problems you facing. Keep yourself busy with at least a little job like teaching, that will take your away from excessive thinking,then you can of planning what to do with your life,you are young, ambitious,courageous,and strong. Do what your mind tells you to do,don’t listen to your parents, they’re not the ones receiving the pains but you and the unborn child,think right#goodluck to you girl
Some parents ehh(Smh). My dear its only d living that cn pray. Pls separate from that man till u figure out what to do.
I’m sure they will come n congratulate ur parents wen that man eventually take ur life.
Prayer is the key..
stay away from him for a while,dont divorce him yet,until he changes
i always advise female to do away with any man that beat his wife bcos if they are not careful he will kill her one day.i am a man and i have never slap my wife for one day and we have been together for 11 yrs may be he is not the right man for you.
Seek the face of God through prayers
Your knees bowed in prayers and hands lifted in praise and worship is where you victory lies. Pray don’t quit the Marriage…God will come to your rescue, after the pain comes the gain of joy, happiness and peace.
please u really need to leave that marriage…because dis man doesnt even respect your mom..if he beats you you to death now who is going to take care of ur baby…to be fore fore warned is to be for harmed…though there is nothing impossible for God…u really need to think about your daughter..
One thing i wnt u 2 no s dt t most likely t won’t stop. U wsh 2 stay, gt ursef buzy, bt v t n mind dat ur happiness will b created by u n u alone. U wish to leav run n neva look back.