Nigerian Lawyer Turned Writer, Eketi Edima Ette Lends Her Voice Against Marital Pressure In The Society And It Is Liberating
In a society where men are made for rules and not rules for men like we have found ourselves, where (wo)men are shamed for choosing personal happiness over societal acceptance, where many have been programmed to suffer and die in silence; it’s liberating to find someone speak up.
In a Twitter thread on marital pressure and life choices, a Twitter user @eketiette recounted seeing a bride stop cold on the steps of a church and say, âThis is more than cold feet. I canât marry him.â
According to the Nigerian lawyer turned writer, she understood the lady’s decision and admires her bravery. She further added that our culture of marital pressure, and shaming people into remaining in an unhealthy relationship isnât a good one.
Her tweets read:
”I once watched a bride stop cold on the steps of a church & say, âThis is more than cold feet. I canât marry him.â At the time, I only saw her fear. Today, at last, I understand. Iâm amazed by her bravery. *sigh* Doing the right thing. Itâs hard, it hurts, but it must be done.
Now I have to make a thread because of the replies from some men. I wasnât expecting the anger and condemnation. Itâs easy to hold your phone and type hard words. Until you find yourself in the situation. Be honest. We donât always do the right thing at the right time.
Or do what we really need to do. Many of us studied or are still studying courses our parents picked out. Or working jobs we hated to please family/society. Because we couldnât stand the heat that came with making the hard decisions.
In doing these, we lose time, money, opportunities, etc. We even hurt people. It is the way of life. Now, I donât know about you guys, but Iâve been in situations where everything looked perfect but my guts told me otherwise.
People urged me on because the person/business/situation looked perfect. Like this case. He was a good man. But he wasnât the one for her. People told her he was; he too. Could she have quit earlier? For sure. Would it have been easier? No.
Because we live in a society where calling off a wedding ceremony is almost a taboo. And no matter how hard we try, we constantly battle with the âwhat will people sayâ syndrome. So, until youâve stared parents/society in the face and followed your heart/guts, donât say this isnât bravery.
Until youâve never lost anything because you always got it right, donât knock this too hard. A little understanding, thatâs all I ask. Oh, I also feel the irrepressible urge to add that when the dust settled, he was grateful she didnât go through with it. He married someone else ten months later. She married someone else two years later.
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Judging by some replies, my parents should call me, âselfish, barbaric, callous, insensitiveâŠâ I mean, they spent millions to ensure I became a barrister yet I refused to practice the law because writing makes me happy.
Imagine their horror when I quit my job at the Supreme Court. Why didnât I quit while filling my JAMB form? Selfish me. Our culture of marital pressure and shaming people into remaining in such situations isnât a good one. Just so you know. Now, I rest my case.”
