The Wisdom In This Lengthy Post By Sola Allyson Screams Loud Against The False Representation Of Manliness
Singer, songwriter, Sola Allyson stoked up on the sensitive subject of patriarchy in a new Instagram post. It’s lengthy but totally worth your read.
Mostly known for her soulful voice and song lyrics, the mum-of two is a woman with deep faith and insight that she shares in bits every time she gets the chance including using social media to wake up the minds of the people to imbalances and injustices in the world and society.
Many Nigerian women know the experience all too well; but what has been termed appropriate by the society for too long can be dangerous to question, so the singer as out of her courage addressed the enabling role that patriarchy has continued to play to the detriment of the mental, emotional, physical, social and economic well-being of women in this part of the world.
Her lenghty post is an exposé on the many ills that emanate from the unequal parenting standards for boys and girls and how the imbalance of it all is playing out.
Please read her fully expressive, no-holds-barred narration below:
You and I know that in this our environment, there has been a vacuum in the roles fathers must play. Very few men had the fatherhood role rightly and healthily filled. Argue it all you can, but it’s an obvious fact around here.
It is only those men who are able to unlearn and relearn that are making a difference. That are becoming our own. Our Men. I join us all to celebrate our Men! Ok, see this… This guy is fatherless, not fatherless in the position of a father o, but in the role of proper fathering.
He, the guy, is expected to be a father, because he grows up daily and must assume the position at some point. A position which has to be intentionally taught and learnt, revelations that must be caught. But the role was empty, somehow… Guy must keep growing, and make efforts to become “something” in life. In the process of walking that journey, he caught the wrong “revelations”, because he found himself gravitating towards fellow “fatherless” ones. He must be a hard guy.
He misses and yearns for that role to be filled and played, but he must go on, and be hard. He must not express his emotions, he’ll look weak, except that of anger, because that’s what makes him look “strong”. Instead of knowing and working on his weaknesses, he lies to cover his misdeeds because that makes him look hard, he must be “in control”, he cannot be vulnerable.
False representation of manhood. Wrong interpretation of the revelation of manhood.
He grows up and is becoming “something in life” and must take the position of a father. He marries a girl who is becoming “something in life” too, for no man wants a liability as wife nowadays o. They are in love truly. They are friends. Sweet “vibes”… Then, life begins.. Life starts to happen… He is a man and MUST be respected. But he CANNOT listen to his wife because she MUST submit to him. Hmmm… And he doesn’t even know how to “feel” her, because that makes a man weak. Trouble looms. Problem begins, but there is “peace”. He sees submission, respect, … ***Conclusion in next post***
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The singer continued to bare her mind and likely that of the majority of women in this part of the world in another post, where she talked about the importance of communication in marriages and how men fail in many areas of giving and accepting love because many of them do not have the right social tools to function as part of a unit to establish cordiality with their wives, again because they have been programmed to believe a woman must have no opinion on them, and that everything they do must be tolerated by a woman, otherwise she’s a bad one who’s questioning their manliness.
A portion of her new post read as follows:
***continued from last post*** …but the Woman is unhappy, being subservient, only appears like she is “submissive” because she wants approval/validation from her family, friends, society as a “good”, “strong” woman.
In another scenario, the Woman, who is also becoming “something in life”, mentions to the man the effect of his ineptitude, or oversights, they are friends, the way they talk to themselves normally o, but he sees it as confrontation because she didn’t “kneel down” to say it, she said it nicely, but she didn’t apply “respect”, because somewhere in his mind, he’s programmed to believe a woman must not have opinion about him, the lord of the household!
Wrong interpretation of manhood… She must be fine with anything he does, and be a good wife at all cost, even when he is wrong, “praying away the hurt snd pain”, ignoring the fact that she is human, has emotions, and is becoming “something in life” too – he caught the wrong revelations… He tries to bully her into silence.
He ignores her. He refuses to “eat her food”. He must be “hard”! She keeps talking, for these issues are fundamental, and the times have changed.
He lies, he cheats, has betrayed her trust many times, because it’s okay for a man to do all that, as he is a Man!
These need to be addressed, because, COMMUNICATION is key.
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Read the concluding parts of her post on her Instagram handle.
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