After establishing to myself that peace was what I wanted, I turned to God and prayed:
“Lord, if this man would not change, You know I need to remain sane, then get him who can cope with his excesses and let me be fully involved with You, Lord. Please cover me and help me to rely fully on You. Lord, You know I have always wanted the best in everything. As such, if I cannot have the best of marriage, then I should not have anything close to it. I may not know what I feel about Lanre now, but I know I love You, Lord. Please Lord, I need strength, I need Your encouragement. I need Your grace and mercy because the man in me wants to stand naked in the middle of the night and curse Lanre but the Spirit in me resists it, crying for mercy. Lord, please help me. In all of these, Lord, I do not mind losing this marriage, but I do not want to lose my relationship with You. Help me stay focused on You, Lord.”
I was in tears as I prayed passionately to God and afterwards, I felt some peace and I slept off. When I woke up from my peaceful sleep, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper Jeremiah 33:11 to me. It reads:
“The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who will say:
“Praise the Lord of hosts,
For the Lord is good,
For His mercy endures forever”—
and of those who will bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord. For I will cause the captives of the land to return as at the first,’ says the Lord.”
Lanre did not get any better afterwards. He added adultery to his games and because I wanted peace, I looked the other way and focused on God. I became committed to the things of God and that made me have little or no time to bother about him. I also did not discuss my matrimonial challenges with any man. I would report him to God every now and then, and He would give me peace.
We rarely slept together as a couple but one day when we did, I got pregnant again and had my second son. With those two, and my commitments in church, I became so consumed I didn’t notice Lanre and his escapades.
I tell people that God is too faithful to fail. Soon enough, Lanre started going to church with my sons and I. And the more he went to church with us, the more he drifted away from his friends. In fact, that very one that caused our first disagreement got married and his wife showed all their friends pepper. She drove all of them away and kept her husband on his toes. With time, most of Lanre’s friends started getting married and he realized that their wives were fire. The things I would let slide in my home were major issues in theirs. He would later confess to me that he did not know how his retinue of friends coped with their crazy wives. One of those wives went as far as to go create a scene in her husband’s office because a female colleague from there called him very late in the night.
Lanre confessed that the attitudes of most of his friends’ wives’ were strange to him but that what got him confused the more was that none of them did anything to curb their wives’ excesses.
Lanre became committed in church, too, and started to dedicate his time to us but I was far gone. He was not there for me at the beginning so I had filled the void with other activities. The more he changed for the better, the more gap I created. I was not used to all his lovey-dovey so I couidn’t help how repulsive he felt to me.
He humbled himself and asked me why I was pushing him away and I told him I knew the monster he was, but this new one, I cannot deal with. I had forgotten what God said to me in Jeremiah 33:11. Anyways, the more I pushed Lanre away, the more he fought for my love.
It took me over 3-years to accept his love and since then, it’s been getting better and better. He has a new circle of friends now. Friends who wants the best for him. Friends who love God and who are mindful of the things of God. Friends who are God-fearing and family conscious. His business is growing well, too and more doors are opening unto to him daily. He never shies away from showing me to the world but only I know how far we came to get here.
Are you going through a rough patch in your marriage? Please do not give up. Hand it over to God. He is the creator of marriage. The first miracle recorded of Jesus was at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. The Bible records that he turned water to wine and those who tasted out of that wine said the best was reserved for the last. This means that no matter how far gone the rot in your marriage is, God is able to make everything new again for you. He may not work it out for you the way He did mine, but certainly, if You will invite Him into your home, and if you will be patient and allow Him do what only He can do, you shall testify.
For me, it took 7-years before I experienced the turn around. The last 7-years have been bliss and I know that God is able to complete what He has started so I am not afraid. I know it can only get better. And you can experience it too if you will let go, and let God.
Thank you, MIM. You guys are doing a great job here. God bless you!