Dear MIMsters: Why Is My Own Mother Treating Me This Way? I Am Heartbroken!

I am heartbroken that my own mother is treating me this way.

I am a victim of domestic violence in marriage and a mother of 4 kids. I moved to my family house with my kids and my ex husband filed for divorce and took me to court to demand custody of all our kids.

I didn’t agree but the court shared my kids, two to each parent and I still didn’t yield to the court order and I was taken to prison after I appealed.

The lawyer came to see me in prison and said, “madam, I don’t want you to remain here. Give this man the 2 kids according to court order and gain your freedom. I agreed.

The lawyer brought my sons to the court where I was in handcuffs. My boys saw me and ran to me. I broke down in tears when I saw them. My boys said to me, “mommy, we will follow Daddy because we don’t want you to remain in prison.” That’s how I gained my freedom.

A week later, I got a call from my sons begging me to allow their sisters to come live with them. Three weeks later, I allowed the girls go live with their brothers. Though it weighs me down most times, I try to be that strong woman I have always been.

My mother called to say that since my kids are with their father, I can make myself useful by babysitting my younger sister’s child. I swallowed that pain like she didn’t say anything.

I lost a small business I started 2 years ago. Before losing the business, whenever I’m visiting my kids, I would carry things along to give them. I also bought food items and provisions in my family house.

Now, whenever my sister and her husband come to visit, my mother would call me to serve them food. When I ignore her, my mother come to my room to shout at me, saying, “can’t I serve my younger sister and her husband?”

My younger sister’s husband used to call me by my son’s name but 2 years ago, he started calling me by my name, but I am not bothered.

Yesterday, my sister came to the family house with her husband. Then, my mother called me to come and pound yam for them but I didn’t answer her. My sister ended up pounding the yam for her husband. My mother came into my room, shouting at me. She said is it because I didn’t have a happy marriage that’s why I can’t be happy for my sister? I cried because that pained me, but I’m fine now.

In November of last year, I managed to enroll in a fashion training school that will end in March. I am planning to add 6 more months to enable me learn more things about fashion. I’m a fast learner.

5 months ago, I had begged my mother for a little amount of money to enable me buy somethings for my kids. She had said she didn’t have but to my greatest surprise, when a woman in need came to visit my mother, my mother gave her money 20k to manage.

I really don’t know why my mother treats me the way she does.

So I begged her today to assist me with money to pay for the extended 6 months fashion training or help me with some money to enable me get some things for my kids and my mother’s responded, “madam, I don’t have money to give you.”

I’m just heartbroken that my mother is treating me this way.

I cook and do the house chores without anyone’s help because I’m not the lazy type. When my mother cooks, she will pack the soup and stew in the freezer and tell me to go and look for what to eat, that the soup and stew is for my sister and her husband who she’s expecting with other visitors, and I will end up going to sleep on an empty stomach.

Most times, my trainer in the fashion school buys food for me when she observes I don’t buy anything to eat during break. Sometimes, I trek to my fashion school and then beg my trainer for transport money home. My trainer had to ask me how much brings me and takes me back home, I told her 350 and she took it upon herself to be give me that amount everyday.

My mother showers praises on my siblings as if I am not her child. I just feel bad and emotionally down. When my mother was sick last year, I stayed in the hospital for 3 months with her. None of my siblings slept in the hospital with her, not even for one night. All the wahala and stress was on me for good 3 months.

After she was discharged, I took her to hospital and back for check up. I even fell ill after she was discharged but all my mother could say was, “the sickness is not serious.” I had to call a Dr in the same hospital and told him I wasn’t feeling fine and do not have money for tests and the Dr treated me for free.

Note: I didn’t want my children to be separated from each other because they have never stayed separately, that’s why I allowed them stay together with their father. People have called me a useless woman all because I made up my mind to allow my children stay together as siblings. Their father said instead of all the children to be in my custody, let them be shared. When the court did share them, he was very happy that the children have been shared. I couldn’t stand the pains of seeing them separated. I made up my mind and I think it was the best decision I ever made.

When I go to visit my children, their father brings them out to an open place like a park where my kids and I sit and talk.

When I look at my children’s pictures, I’m always happy and it gives me strength. They’re always in my prayers day and night.