Dear MIMsters: Is My Mother-in-Law Right On Her Stance On This Matter Between My Husband And I
Is my mother-in-law right on her her stance on this matter between my husband and I?
I’ve been married for 4 years. In the early part of my marriage, my husband raised his hand on me a few times, but I made so much noise by reporting him to people in my family, his family, even in church and it stopped and he hasn’t gotten physical with me since the first year.
Even though he has not been physical with me, he is quick to shout and make so much noise when we have an argument. So, as much as possible, I try to keep quiet when he starts his problem. However, I’m human, so once in a while, I lose it and talk back. Whenever I do, he’ll shout so loud that our neighbors will know there’s a fight. And I find this very embarrassing.
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Recently, we had a fight because according to him, I server his dinner came late. I came back from work late that day. (I run my own business. Thankfully, it’s thriving and sometimes, very demanding). So, he got loud again. I even tried to caution him to put his voice down, but insisted on shouting for the whole neighborhood to hear and then he called my parents in his anger to report me. He called his mum too.
My family was scared of his wild anger as I grew up in a very peaceful and loving home. They asked if I wanted to come home for a while. My family lives in a different state from where my husband and I live. He went and told that to his mum (she’s been nice since we got married). She called to talk to me about it. In the course of our talk, I angrily addressed my husband as her son, which made her say things that really upset me.
She told me my husband is my crown. She said that even if he beats me (which she doesn’t agree with), we are married and I must stay there. (Her own husband also beats her.) She said I was at fault for not making his dinner on time. She also said that even if my family tries to intervene, I’m supposed to protect my husband and tell them we’re fine. She said I shouldn’t let my family ruin my marriage, even though it was her son that reported himself to them, not me.
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She said I should do my best not to provoke him and that I should have apologized as soon as he raised his voice to complain about serving his dinner later than usual. She also said that I should have been silent when he shouted at me and called me stupid. She also said I should respect the anointing on his life as a leader in his church. All these these things she said really upset me and I don’t think our relationship can ever the same again.
My question is, am I right to be upset or is my MIL saying the truth? I need mature, honest opinions. I want to know if I’m truly wrong.
Dear poster,
your MIL is partly right. If you want to have a peaceful marriage you have to stop reporting everything that happens in your home to your parents. She’s also right that your parents want to ruin your marriage. Your parents advising you to take a break in your marriage is a wrong advice. Who does that?
You must learn to say sorry when you’re wrong and keep quiet when your husband is shouting or angry. You keep calm and later explain to him that you are not happy with his behavior. You now know your husband has anger issues, then stop provoking him. My dear silence is golden. You have to build the peaceful home you want.
You must also learn to think before talking. Spoken words are like eggs. Once they drop you can’t retrieve them. You made a slip of tongue by referring to your husband as her son. You also have anger issues that make you talk anyhow. Poster, you continue like this and you will ruin your marriage.
I don’t agree with your MIL about the beating aspect.
Can you leave if you can because I foresee something like death which will never be your portion ijn , harboring anger issues like that is never good for any woman or you rather seek for counselling session maybe it will help .
Your MIL is right in some aspects. Your husband is your crown and try not to get your family involved in your troubles, talk to her instead. She is wrong about the beating and the lack of understanding. But that is your home, you decide what you want at the end of the day. As you keep silent, pray. It is hard to keep quiet, but it may save your home. There are lines he should not cross such as physical violence. Talk to your MIL, you will be surprised at how she will actually be your friend because she knows what you are going through, that is her son, she knows him. I would encourage you to not only say sorry to your MIL for words uttered, as you already seem to be taking responsibility. Show her you are sorry, some material, something. Do not leave your home, if you need a break, go to your MIL.
Talking from experience,you seriously need to know how to press the mute/ignore button.coz man like that can embarrass you with their shouting without care for your emotion.
If you want peace,just pretend as if you don’t know who he is talking too though is painful especially when the matter does not warrant it but once you find your self in that situation,you have to be strong for your self and the kids.
Am in the same situation but am now stronger and better since I adopt this method,live as been better,I cannot be using paracetamol on another person headache