This post will be long because I want to pour out my heart and also seek good advice from people who know God. Am I on the right or wrong path?
I am stuck, depressed and confused and I don’t know how to get out of my problems. I really need help. I have spoken to men of God, but the solutions they have given me don’t align with my Christian convictions.
I am in my late 20’s. I lost my dad a while back and things took a sad turn for my family. Being the first child to four younger siblings, the responsibility to hold my family together fell on my mum and me.
All my life, I have had a standard for everything, I didn’t want to disgrace my family or play with my education, so it made me uptight and very cautious with almost everything especially men, but once in a while, I’ll meet someone that can make me less uptight and open to the idea of a relationship.
I met a widower with kids abroad two years ago. He is in his mid 50’s and was very nice to me. We always had good conversations and when he asked me to date him, I thought ‘no problem, he is nice and kind to me’ but I wasn’t ready for marriage. I was in the market for someone who would treat me right and give me good experiences. I told him I couldn’t marry him because he was 29 years older than I, though he looked 40.
Back then, I was practicing celibacy and praying to God for a job (I had just finished NYSC a few months before I met him). He hounded me for sex till I gave in and after that one time, I began having terrible nightmares and my spirit told me something wasn’t right. I decided it would never happen again and broke off things.
I am a prayerful person, but something about him weakens my spirit. After I broke things up, he didn’t stop calling or sending money (he has my account number). I knew the money was a ploy to get me to give in to the sex he continued to ask for, but I’d already decided that I would rather beg for money on the streets than have sex with him again.
Now about this man; he is rich and influential (found out later). He has traveled the world, is as cunning as the devil and is financially abusive. As a job seeker who has so many business ideas, whenever I brought up a business idea I needed him to help me with and of course get paid as the business progresses, he will shut it down and block me till I stopped talking about it.
Soon all the guys who wanted something serious with me; as in marriage stopped coming. No one called or talked to me again. I even finally met a guy and fell for him, he was so kind and we shared same family values and ambitions, I believed he loved me too, suddenly this man from my past calls me out of the blues and this guy suddenly started acting as if he disliked me and that’s how he stopped talking to me.
No more job interviews came up, despite all the applications I put out every day. I don’t live in the same city with my family, because I’d headed out to look for better opportunities. My family is poor and I haven’t been able to help because I am in this financial situation of my own. I didn’t want to go the way of sleeping with men for money, so I squatted with a friend and prayed for liberation.
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I chanced upon a pastor who told me when I went for his church program with my friend, that there was an occult man in my life who is very evil, and the moment I had sex with him, he inserted something in me that has made my life a living hell of no progress, that the man is using me to make billions and giving me little money so I can stick around him and see him as a helper who God sent to me.
I didn’t believe him, but I fell into a deep depression when I sat down to study the path my life has taken since I met the man. I even stopped praying until I gave up because nothing was happening despite all my prayers. I gave up on myself, God and life. Till another Pastor said the same to me about the man. I met this pastor in public transport. He preached to me and told me what the previous pastor said to me, he invited me to his church and I went. He told me that I was always sick and the test results don’t show anything, but I keep having discharges and drink antibiotics like water. (this is true, I can’t explain all the body pains and discharge). Worst is, if I ever tell him that I am sick and need money to go to the hospital, he would never give me, rather he will tell me that sickness is in my mind and I would get well. He knows I want to be financially independent. I was till I met him, but ever since then, things are always difficult for me each time I don’t speak to him and when it feels like I have gotten to the end of the road, he shows up as Santa to the rescue.
No one preaches the bible or goes to church more than this man!! Anyway, the pastor told me that he would buy some kind of stuff and give me to drink to flush out what the man put inside my body. I am a Christian and it felt like a native doctor approach even though the place it is a church.
Too many non-Christ-like things happen in churches these days, which is why I am here to seek advice from you fine people to be sure if something like this may be proper. He has asked for 80,000 to purchase the required ingredients. I don’t even have 20,000 to my name.
I am really tired, I don’t even have a dime to start a small business, even though my dream is to build a career in communications. I was top of my class in university but the loss of my dad brought so much change and because I wanted to help out in the home, I accepted help from the devil and now everything is crashing.
I still refuse to believe that someone can do something to affect my life, but every day my condition and the world is teaching me differently. I need prayers and a good spiritual director that will help me build my prayer life again. My mum is fragile right now and I want her to have one less thing to worry about. Please don’t call me greedy because I wasn’t interested in his material gifts, I just accepted help so I could help my mom with some stuff.
More than anything, I need kind words and firm ideas that can help my mental health and help me overcome this problem. If you have been through this before or know someone who has, kindly share your story with me and how they person overcame.
Thank you as I await your response.