Well known Ghanaian counselor and motivational speaker, Frank Edem Adofoli, has perfectly explained how silent rules kill relationships.
According to the celebrated counselor, many people have their own set of rules or what they term as principles that they don’t speak about or express and take that into relationship or marriage.
He added that these people want their partners to know and be able to abide by that, however, whenever these rules are broken, they become very disappointed and some even lack interest in the relationship.
His post reads;
“SILENT RULES, THE RELATIONSHIP KILLER
Many people have their own set of rules or what they term as principles that they don’t speak about or express and take that into relationship or marriage. Yet they want their partner to know and be able to abide by that. Unfortunately for them, whenever these rules are broken, they become very disappointed and some even lack interest in the relationship.
People don’t make time to talk about these silent rules because they believe once you are in a relationship with them, you should know. Once you get closer to them, you should know. In some cases, when one partner asks about it, the reply they get is “as time goes on, you will get to know”.
We need to understand that, you don’t become a mind reader because you are in a relationship with someone. So don’t expect your partner to read your mind and know what you are thinking, know what’s on your mind, know how you feel, know the things you like and detest. Being mature doesn’t mean you should know everything about your partner.
It’s an unfair treatment to be hard on your partner because he or she is not always on time when you have not taken time to let them know how you hate it when you are not on time. If being late to a programme, functions, etc speaks disrespect to you, let your partner know so he or she won’t disrespect you.
The way you were brought up, how you were raised, the kind of people you lived with, the kind of school or training you had is not same as your partner’s. Help your partner to know you better so they can relate to you better. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment without taking time to talk about your silent rules.
There are those who had humble beginnings, they hardly received gifts so even during the relationship, they are particular about how much one spends on gifts. Buying gifts for them seems like a waste of money and think the money could be channeled into something else. The money should be used on things they consider more important than expensive gifts.See Also
If you are such a person, open up and talk to your partner about that instead of making them feel bad because they got you an expensive gift or why you don’t get them expensive gifts even when they want it and you have the means to afford it.
You may be the type who doesn’t want your partner to put their legs on you and whenever they do that, it irritates you yet you don’t talk about it and you just want them to know you don’t want that. You can solve that by talking about it else each time you push your partner’s leg away from you, you are just rejecting them. Don’t expect them to feel loved when you do that.
Some people were made to cry alone growing up and when they are hurt, they would rather be alone and cry. Such person will have an issue with a partner who likes to cry before them. Each time something hurts the partner and they try to cry before them, they frown upon it.
Making their partner feel they are not loved. When you do that, you are telling your partner you are insensitive. Talking to your partner about this silent rule will help you partner know and understand you better.
In conclusion, “That’s why you must encourage and help each other, just as you are already doing” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (CEV).”