This Post On Motherhood And Its Struggles Is For Every Mom | Can You Identify With It?

Motherhood is one of the most daunting and all-consuming calling a woman can be blessed with. It’s a calling with no down-time, no leave of absence, no calling in sick and a calling in which pathetically, many who aren’t wearing the shoes, judge.

As a mom, if it ever appears you don’t have your stuffs together 100% of the time, you get judged.

A recent post on Humans of New York lays the issue of motherhood bare for all to see.

“It’s so hard to ask for help. Because you’re supposed to be ‘Mommy,’” this new mom writes on Humans of New York Facebook page. “And you never want to say: ‘I need help being Mommy.’”

She goes on to say that because she carried her baby inside her for nine months and “knew she was coming,” it somehow negated her need for support once her child finally arrived.

“I felt like I should be able to handle it and I didn’t want to ask other people to stop their lives,” she continued. “Especially if they had no part in making this baby.”

No mother wants to feel like they can’t handle motherhood but no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to foresee the weight of it all — the pressure parenting puts on all aspects of your being.

Here’s the full post;

“It’s so hard to ask for help. Because you’re supposed to be ‘Mommy.’ And you never want to say: ‘I need help being Mommy.’ I carried this person for nine months. I knew she was coming. I felt like I should be able to handle it and I didn’t want to ask other people to stop their lives.

Especially if they had no part in making this baby. But eventually I had to give in. I’m just one person and being ‘Mama’ 24/7 can make you crazy. I found myself getting frustrated that other people were going on with their lives.

I’d let things fester. And it was unhealthy for my relationships. I’d get heated with my mother and boyfriend. Instead of beginning with ‘Can you help?’ I’d lose my temper, and jump straight to: ‘Why aren’t you helping?’”

This new mother’s heartfelt story resonated with so many other moms feeling the same way:

Andi Weathersbee ”Mothers were never meant to shoulder children on their own. It is the whole point of spouses and family. But society and culture has changed so much in our country, that if we don’t shoulder it all and do it perfectly, we’re looked down upon. ???? We HAVE to get back to where we used to be: family and community and loving others first.”

Tanisha Bailey Roka ”I love that she is publicly feeding her child. There is nothing more natural. I also love that she is asking for help. It is something we struggle with as women. We give but don’t allow ourselves to take. Ask for help when you need it. The same way you can ask is the same way you can receive!”

Lynne Ann ”I got shamed for it more than once when I was in public and I was completely covered. The puritanical attitude to a completely normal activity between mother and child is perplexing considering how women’s bodies are displayed elsewhere.”

Stacey Eason ”My two favorite things about this photo: 1) breastfeeding in public for the win!!! #normalizebreastfeeding 2) the expectations our culture has of new mamas is atrocious!!! WHY are we expected to do it all??? this is NOT how new mamas are treated in other countries and other cultures.

Having a baby is a big f-ing deal!!! It rips our bodies apart and it takes time to put ourselves back into the new semblance of normal. There is no “getting my pre-baby body back.” That ship has sailed. Expectations are way to high for any mom to be able to “mom” independently and effectively.”

Dueke Chima Nke ”In my culture we have a word for the time that the mother/sister/aunty/mother-in-law/whomever spends with the new mom. It’s called Omugwo and it typically lasts anywhere from about a month to even a year where a female relative moves in and helps the new mom with baby, cooking, cleaning and recuperating from childbirth.

My mom did it for my sister and I when we each had our different children. For my older son she was with me for 5 weeks, teaching me how to get him to properly latch, how to bathe him, helping me press out the remaining afterbirth crap, cooking for me, etc. And even with all of that I had the baby blues. I don’t know what I would have done without her, and I don’t know how women do it by themselves.”

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Joel Adam Doetsch I scrolled through the comments, fully expecting to find someone complaining about breastfeeding in public or insulting the mother, and for once I’m pleasantly surprised to find basically everyone being supportive and uplifting. Beautiful mother, beautiful child, beautiful message.

Bruce Chanen “From what I’ve seen, it isn’t so much the act of asking that paralyzes us–it’s what lies beneath: the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of rejection, the fear of looking needy or weak. The fear of being seen as a burdensome member of the community instead of a productive one. It points, fundamentally, to our separation from one another…
If I ask for help…I am not enough. If I ask for help…I’m weak. It’s no wonder so many of us don’t bother to ask, it’s too painful.” – Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help.

Elle Dill I swear this has been on my heart and head heavy today. I hate asking for help. Partly because no one has to ask me for it. I’m always filling in the gaps on thoughtful ways for others. I had to learn that everyone isn’t like me. And stop assigning so much meaning behind when people aren’t doing what I find to be obvious. I’m expecting twins in the fall and I’m doing all I can to keep calm and plan ahead as best I can.

Hang in there! ❤

Photo credit: Humans of New York/ Facebook