Dear MIMSters: Help! Religion Is About To Tear My Heart Apart

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Religion is our greatest undoing in this part of the world and it is about to tear my heart apart.

My fiancé was born into a staunch Catholic family while I was born a Muslim. Later, I gave my life to Christ in a Pentecostal church. In no time, my hunger for God and His things increased. Then, I made a vow to my God never to go back.

I became a committed practicing Christian in part one. I studied Engineering and if you didn’t know, such a class is usually made up of 95% male and about 5% female- so I couldn’t hide. We were only three females and being the best student in our class, I was popular. Though I would rather it weren’t so.

Many of the guys flocked around me, some so that I could help them with their studies but most to derail me. They wanted to date me and perhaps get in-between my thighs. To such, I would witness Christ and gradually, they would go away.

But one of my classmates, Andrew wanted both. He wanted me to help him with his studies and also wanted to date me. And the more I tried to refuse, the persistent he became. Eventually, we started studying, praying and lunching together. He also started attending my fellowship meetings with me. All I knew about Andy then was that he was a Christian, though not so committed. I never knew Andy was a staunch and committed Catholic.

Unknown to me, Andy would attend service mass very early in the morning before coming to church with me on Sunday. As a rule, I didn’t visit guys on campus. Any guy who wanted my assistance had to make and an appointment to come to my room. I also didn’t entertain guys at ungodly hours. Everyone knew me as Sister Sarah and I wasn’t going to allow any man put a stain on my white dress.

Andy was the only guy who had access to me at short notice. I also started to justify our need to spend time together. In no time, we became so close I looked forward to seeing him everyday. By the time we got to part 4, we were already dating. He respected my no sex stance and also became a worker in my fellowship.

One day, one of my roommates who is Catholic confronted and accused me of luring Andy away from his church. It was news to me honestly. I told her I didn’t know what she was getting at. I asked Andy about what Susan said and he confessed he was still going to his Catholic Church because the Rev. Father was a family friend. He said if he stopped, the man would tell his parents and he would be in a big mess.

I thought Andy was the ideal man for me, so I was sad we may have to end our relationship as I wasn’t willing to quit my Pentecostal church. However, he told me he only wanted to keep face till we graduated and that he would prefer to join me.

After school, we proceeded for NYSC and just as if God had a hand in it, we both got posted to Ondo state. That way, we were able to attend the same church without fear and Andy grew in faith in no time.

When we returned to Lagos, I took him home to meet my parents, who by the way were still Muslims. Of course, my dad kicked against it. He said he was hopeful I would bring a Muslim home who would ‘rescue’ me from the ‘madness’ that was worrying me. He was never in support of my new found faith. My mum was indifferent.

It wasn’t any different when Andy took me home to meet his parents. The fact that my parents were Muslims while I belonged to the Pentecostal church was a big No for them. They said they would only approve our relationship if I became Catholic.

When we couldn’t convince our parents, I proposed we called it quits but Andy wouldn’t accept my proposition; he tried to make me dance to his parents’ tune. He suggested we play along with them till after our wedding. Maybe love could make me compromise, but insisting that the wedding must hold in the Catholic Church so that Andy wouldn’t lose his place amongst them made me have a rethink.

I’ve been able to convince my parents to allow me settle with the man I love but Andy’s parents are still adamant. It’s either their way or the highway.

Andy is the only son in his wealthy and highly connected family so he fears going against his parents’ wish. He could be cut off and can’t bear it. Yet, he says he cannot allow me walk out. As I’ve succeeded in getting my own parents to reason with me, he should do likewise, but he says things are not done that way in his own family. He’s being groomed to take over from his father and if he disobeys them now, he would lose out. He’s asking me to trail the path of wisdom with him but to me, that isn’t wisdom but deceit which is against my values. I love Andy so much but I don’t think I want to toe the line he’s proposing but I fear losing a good man. See why I said religion is our greatest undoing in this part of the world? I’m really at a crossroad, please help me!

View Comment (1)

Anne says:

June 30, 2019 at 9:40 am

Please this is not deceit as you call it. It is what religion has caused and therefore we must manoeuvre our way through. A man who FEARS GOD is one who would not hurt you intentionally. Remember, you may be marrying into a family yet you are not marrying the family. You are marrying a young man from that family. We thank God that you have managed to convince your parents. This shows that God has a hand in your marriage. Now the problem here is you and the gentleman’s family are unequally yoked in terms of faith. But since he attends same church with you it seems you both are ok. All I can say now is that, don’t let a good man slip through your fingers because of religion. He might end up in the wrong hands. Please do not be selfish but heed to his suggesstion. Above all, pray fervently a about everything and the God who brought u together will surely lead you to success. All is well