You’ve Been Called Fat, Now What?

Dr. Toyin Bode-Abass

 

I believe some of us have had the words ‘you are fat’ blurted out at us at some point. If you haven’t, well good for you! Lol. So here’s my question to you…have you been called fat by anyone before? Worse still, maybe your husband called you fat, now what?

Great question. It brings up a lot about love, trust, intimacy and communication. To be honest, it probably took a bit of all the above plus courage to do what your husband did.
Some of you may be thinking “Absolutely not! Your spouse should never say that you have gotten fat, nor should you say this to anyone you love.”

Truth be told, I fall somewhere in between the extremes. After all, who better than a spouse to care about you enough to venture into such treacherous territory? Generally speaking, I believe the health of your spouse and those you love should be a regular topic of conversation. But this should be done with some grace. You must focus on their health rather than their weight.

The context of the conversation and the delivery matter. There are better ways to approach the issue. You should approach it like other relationship issues, with ‘I’ statements, rather than ‘you’ ones. A good example of how to start that conversation goes thus, ‘Sweetheart, I want to improve my health by eating healthier and being more physically active. I think we should do this together. What do you think?’

A person’s perception of their body/size has a lot to do with their health. A major part of the problem of telling a woman she looks fat is the negative associations we have with it. Fat is about so much more than weight. It’s about gluttony, insatiability, laziness, and a lack of self-control…yes, we get it! Fat is perceived as a moral failing. Agreed! There’s a shaming aspect to the word “fat” itself, so there’s little reason to bring it into any conversation about weight! We must also recognize that some people are ‘fat’ as a result of medical conditions like hypothyroidism, Cushing’s syndrome and even arthritis.

As we’re all confronted with this awkward situation at some point in our lives, either as the one making the comment or receiving it, what are the rules?

Well…here are some I recommend

Take a good look in the mirror yourself before you make any judgments about others. Chances are, you’re not as slim and trim as once-upon-a-time. Let he who casts the first stone be without too many “stones” himself. (Stone referring to the British unit of weight.)
Any comments you make should focus on health and not appearance.
If you want to stay healthy and attractive to one another, communication and trust are key.
Respect other people’s feelings.
Do not judge.
Be sensitive.
Think before you speak.
Turn things around – if you were on the receiving end of such comments, how would you like people to speak to you.
Offer some support. Make any weight loss effort a team effort. You can say to your spouse, “Together, we can work on a better eating-exercise-weight loss plan!” Turn date night into a workout date. Even better, you can sign up to TBA Wellness Centre together as a show of support. Our philosophy is simple and straightforward – overweight individuals should be treated compassionately and professionally.
Studies have shown that social support helps people stick to their healthy lifestyle goals and maintain their weight once they reach a healthy weight.

 

Dr. Toyin Bode-Abass is a proud Wife and Mom, Medical Doctor, Women Empowerment Advocate, Wellness Coach, Integrative Medicine Consultant, Icon of Womanhood, Writer and Blogger. See more of her articles on her bloghttp://www.fitnesswithdrtba.com