As your children mature in age, one of the most effective and strategic tools you can often use to parent your child effectively is communicating in a positive way. What you often say to your child becomes their inner voice.
Here are some great things to tell your children:
1. I love you – This tells your child you love and accept them for who they are and who they are growing up to be. To hear this from you would help build their sense of self-worth.
2 .You are important – This tells your child that no matter what, they are valued. Instilling this in them will build their self confidence.
3. I’m proud of you – Your child will not always make you proud, they are human and they will make mistakes. They also need to reminded that even in their failure, you are still their number one supporter.
4. I trust you – A teenager or pre-teen who is knows that his parents trusts him to a certain extent, will be hesitant to violate that trust. Thus, they will always think twice before doing anything that could be disappointing, as they hold your confidence in them dearly.
5. I forgive you – Every child will break their parent’s trust, and bring a few heartaches once in a while, but forgiveness needs to be expressed explicitly. Reassure her that even though her action had terrible consequences, you forgive them all the same. This will help her feel good about herself, and she will also remember not to carry out those actions that bring about distrust.
6. You are beautiful/handsome – Do not just say this because you are mandated to say this as a parent, make your children feel beautiful. Treat your daughter like a lady, treat your son like a gentleman. This will build their self confidence in the most incredible ways.
7. I’m sorry – It’s something you can learn to say. In fact every parent should. The title of parenthood doesn’t exempt you from messing up once in a while, sometimes you offend your children. You shouldn’t feel too proud to apologize. Model the behavior you want them to exhibit, as they will see this quality in you and also emulate it.
8. Not everyone will like you, and that’s OK – Let your child become aware at a reasonable age, that not every body they meet or call friend will truly accept them, and that is fine. Let them be aware that there is no need to feel accepted by everyone.
9. I believe you – This borders on trust. Do not make your child feel like they have to go above and beyond to get you to believe them. In the end they get tired of trying and eventually stop trying to make the relationship work.
10. I believe in you – Their passion, their goals, their academics. No matter how good, bad or average, let them know that you believe in them always. You will probably see the effects of this type of statement when they are receiving an award and giving all the credit to you for always believing in them.