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Dear MIMsters: Should I Tell My Cheating Hubby About My Boyfriend?

Dear MIMsters: Should I Tell My Cheating Hubby About My Boyfriend?

Should I tell my cheating husband about my boyfriend?

I’m 29 years-old and a mother of three lovely children. We live in Nigeria.

My hubby has being cheating openly for a very long time now. I have seen him on several occasions but he would beg for forgiveness, would forgive him but he never stopped.

One day, my friend invited us over for dinner with her family and friends. Hubby couldn’t go because of work, so I went without him. At the party, I noticed there was a man who kept looking at me with a very unusual smile on his face. Well sorry to say this, he was so cute though. He continued smiling at me so much that I got confused. Meanwhile, for sometime now, hubby has refused to sleep with me. He’s always claiming to be tired.

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So, I stepped out for a bit to see a friend of mine who called to say she was in the neighbourhood. As I stepped out, this guy followed me. We started talking and with the alcohol in my system and not having had sex for a long time made me melt for this guy. I tried my best to hide these facts from him but one thing led to another and we kissed outside there cause it was dark. *Don’t judge*.

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When I got home that day, it was that kiss I was thinking of. One day, he called me that he has a gift for me and asked to send my account details which I did. Later in the day, I received a notification from the bank that the sun of  N4.6 million has been deposited in my account. I was shocked. When called me to confirm if I had received it, I asked him why he sent it. He said it was to show me how sorry he was for kissing me the other night. I was astonished. I told him I would send the money back but he said he would send it back again. I transferred the money to my sister’s account, so hubby wouldn’t know. On my birthday, he sent me some more money. Well, he works at Shell, so money isn’t a problem. Money is not also a problem for me cause I have money and hubby has money too.

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One day, hubby got me angry with his cheating attitude and I left the room for him and went to another room. This guy started chatting me up like he knew I was angry. That night, we arranged to meet and we had sex. Sorry to say this: but the guy was good. He gave me a head which hubby never does. He was something else. So after that day, we started seeing each other often. And he kept on sending me money. My problem now is that this guy has fallen in love with me even though I warned him not to. I have told him to stop contacting me but he won’t stop. I don’t know if I should open up and tell my hubby about him. Would he treat the matter the way I have being treating his with his numerous girlfriends? Please advice me as I don’t know what to do.

View Comments (32)
  • Heey! first to comment.
    I’m lost for words this is unbelievable. Dear poster, are you ready to give up on your marriage if it comes to that end, although I don’t support living with a cheat, this isn’t so much of a marriage because it is no longer exclusive. Telling would come with a whole lot of pain, instead leave this marriage that doesn’t make you happy but not for this guy just yet, for all that glitter may not be gold!

  • Hia!! This post again? I read exact post else where n lots of comments followed thru. Why’s this poster “distributing” her problem? All d advice she was given in how to end d affair no do her? Or she’s looking for who’d advice her to carry on… abeg next post pls!!

  • I don’t feel any remorse for what u have done in your tone. So I believe you are not ready to end the affair, you just want your husband to know you have a boyfriend. To tell you the truth, he won’t take it lightly with you. so u can choose to shut your mouth and end the affair once and for all.

  • Joy lolz @ first to comment.
    Poster I swear I have read this article of your yesterday on mamalette.com and I didn’t comment cause lot of people had told you what to do.
    It is wrong that you fell for that guy with the unusual smile but am thinking maybe it’s a setup from your cheating husband. However, never make that mistake of reporting such news to your husband except you are ready to move out. True your husband is in the wrong but two wrongs don’t make no right. When you know he is a cheat from the onset you should have dared him one way or the other. Am sure there a thousand ways to stop your hubby from such rather than following his footstep. Pls desist from following that guy and forget about outside runs. Change your number. Concentrate on your home. If you can’t condone your hubby’s cheating attitude, tell him and let him know you will walk out. You can only have another man ONLY when you are no longer under the roof of your husband.

  • Na waah o but madam u don’t even sound remorseful but my own b say check well if ds man is a kidnapper or ritualist o cos ds Shell worker wey dey donate money anyhow especially in ds oil melt down, I don’t understand o.well since you said no judging & d sex was good, I suspect whatever we say no go move u.make u dey flex dey go na but I hope say ur kids wont b disappointed in you if they hear ds later abt their mum

  • Either you break it off and work out your marriage with your hubby or divorce hubby and move on with the guy…..it’s as simple as abc

  • Dear poster,do wat ur heart pleases u so u don’t end up regretting or say had I know I wouldn’t have asked fr advice.My advice fr u is do wat will make u happy,d devil u knw is better dan d angel u don’t know as dey say.Hubby can flex as he wants ad he will bear d consequences of having affairs outside marriage.If u are ready to bear wateva consequences dat coms ur way fr doing desame mistakes ur hubby is doing, den so be it.Fr me I suggest u stay faithful ad leave a happy life,with prayers ad thanksgiving all will b well fr u.

  • I know many people would tell you to.break it off but if they were in your shoes, they will do something else. I don’t see why you should continue to stay in a marriage where u are being cheated on. If this guy treats you better then u deserve absolutely the best. Don’t settle for a marriage where u are being treated like crap

  • A man cheats n its natin instead u get pray for him, dress sexy etc now reverse is the case n every1 is blaming the woman? Re u mamas kidding me? Let’s say de woman hvnt hv sex like months n some will say read de bible, focus on God n pray for de cheating hubby gosh what God will judge is just too much. The man is cheating no1 is talking nw its woman n almost every1 wuld hv blame de poster if adim didn’t warn before-head. Anywayz @poster my candid advice is if u can’t cope wt a cheating stupid hubby den walk away for ur peace of mind, am nt gonna judge u n I won’t preach nor tel u to read bible cus no1 is perfect. Find out again from this man what he wants n reveal ur identity to him. Biko nwanne trend well

  • I knew it was this post cos I already saw it somewhere this week. No advice for some1 like. So keep on living careless.

  • How do u warn a human being not to fall in love?Who deceived u that he is in love with you?Test this so called love:Tell him you are filing for a divorce in order to marry him and watch his reaction.Two wrongs don’t make a right.Committing adultery because ur hubby is doing same won’t make him stop.U aren’t even doing it for money.Makes me wonder how u sleep at night

  • I will advice you to cut off every relationship you have with your boyfriend, change your phone number or misplace your phone for good, go for HIV test to know your status, ask God for forgiveness and also forgive yourself. Also, keep your mouth shut and move on with your life with or without your husband

  • waoh madam now u have no right to call ur husband a cheat…according to the bible ur obedience has to be complete before u call s wrong doing..so u both are in d same boat
    my advice is dis decide wat u want..dont compound ur problems
    get a divorce n face ur affair or u end it nd face ur marriage
    ask for forgiveness tho…

  • Speechless. Well don’t underestimate d anger of a man. D fact dat he cheats on u wldnt count again if u tell him abt it dat if he doesn’t already know. But plsss where is God and d children in ur thoughts when u were enjoying dis affair? If a man cheats on u find comfort in God and ur children’s happiness and succuss. End it while u still can

  • uuuuuhhhhhhhmmmmm… they all said what i wanted to tell you,so pick the advice from each of the comment because they all entails the same advice… i think ur hubby is behind this,soon it will vanish from your eye

  • Hey! Wait a minute. Did u say u had set? OK now am not judging bcos I had a similar case. He fell so much in love with me and I knew it would cause a problem if my hubby gets to know. I ask God to create enemity btw I and dis guy. He did cos I was ready to stop d nonsense. They question is are u ready to stop?

  • Some secrets are better die with…. If you still value ur marriage. Dear desist from this destruction way. Forget that guy. Where was he when you are single?

  • I wont blame this lady, , because my sister is right now in a loveless relationship and this started since she got married, from day one and she is now a shadow of herself. She looks like shit and is very sad and lonely and has lost all the confidence in her and everytime I see her, I weep for her and wish she could jst leave this guy and start all over again.if a man cheats and the wife knows about and even sees it, then the man doesnot only cheat but has committed two wrongs, cheating and not giving the wify respect. When a man stop giving respect to the wife, , then the woman is in hell fire.as for me I am the type who would not tolerate any man cheating on me to the extend I will know about it.The wrong thing she is doing is cheating on him whilst still married to him, dont leave your huby because of a man youbjust met, leave him because you have had enough of his nonsense and you want to give your self another chance in life.i wont judge you because I know how it feels to be cheated on, by the one you love.it is better to leave him with your pride as a woman intact than be disgraced out of your home, try and do the right thing best for you. Goodluck.

  • If you are in a marriage that you no longer want,it’s better to leave than to be commiting adultery.But if you still want the marriage,don’t tell hubby about it,just cut off your relationship with your lover

  • Don’t judge my comment. He cheated on you, he is wrong. You cheated as well & also wrong. You are no less flesh and blood than he is. He didn’t show you love so someone showed you a little love and being human you fell. You marriage is practically non exitent or you simply don’t feel the way you did about your husband. You don’t deserve someone whose actions lead you to sin. However, since it has already happened i would advise you to keep it to yourself. Your husband will not forgive you like you do him. Do what you need to do to establish yourself even more, keep your bank account tight because your marriage may end if everything comes out in the open. Atleast you will have a huge bank balance to show for the whole mess. Goodluck

  • My dear, two wrongs don’t make a right. End that relationship now before it becomes too late…

  • So pathetic! What gives you the assurance that this new millionaire is not a cheat too? Pray fervently to God Almighty for a genuine direction…because you cannot act on the advices people are giving, knowing fully well that public opinions last only for 3 months. May God be your divine guide…Peace!!!

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