Dear MIMsters: My 24-Year-Old Daughter Says She’s In Love With Her Late Father’s Friend
My daughter says she’s in love with her late father’s friend. Please help me, I am in trouble.
My daughter completed her National Youth Service last year and thankfully, got a good job here in Lagos. As she is the first child and only daughter, I was quite eager to find out if she was dating anyone and encourage her to settle down early like I did. She has always been the very reserved type, so, I was not really surprised when she refused to open up initially.
However, on one of the occasions I was teasing her about the issue (we were all at the dining table), her immediate sibling whom she is quite close to, joked that her husband-to-be is someone we all already knew, and the other one laughed, adding that I was in for a big surprise. My daughter instantly felt very uncomfortable and soon left the table but I didn’t think much of it.
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I kept trying to get her to open up subsequently to no avail. Then, I invited her close friend whom I get along with very well for a talk. From her inconclusive answers to my questions, I got the impression my daughter was deliberately keeping who she is dating from me because she felt I would not approve of their relationship.
So, when my daughter returned from work that day, I called her into my room and begged her to tell me whoever she was with. I reminded her of how I have been there for her and her siblings since their father’s death, promising I would give my support. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes. Then, she reluctantly told me it was her late father’s widowed friend! I slapped her instantly. I couldn’t help it. That man is 58, and has 4 grown children, 2 of which are older than her. I will be 50 next year, which means my potential son-in-law is 8 years older than I am – God forbid!
What tears me apart most is that my daughter claims they are in love. What sort of shameless love is this? He is an average civil servant like me and will be retiring soon or I would have thought my daughter was in it for his money. Besides, she has a good job now with good career prospects. What is wrong with her?
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Her siblings told me they have been seeing each other for over a year. I’m so mad at them for keeping this information away from me all this while, and I blame myself even more for failing to see what a crook that man who has supposedly always been there for my family is. I can’t deny he has been of help a lot of times, but how was I to know he was scheming to marry my daughter? Can he allow any of his daughters marry a man his age? I have nothing to say to that shameless man because it’s pointless arguing with him. I’m sure my daughter would have told him my stand already.
How do I get my daughter to open her eyes and realize she couldn’t possibly love this pot-bellied old man? I don’t want to be a laughing stock, and most importantly, I don’t want my daughter to marry the wrong man. There are too many complications she is too blind to see. What should I do?
Photo Credit: Google Images
Hmmmm… This isn’t palatable at all.. just how did it all start right under your nose and you hadn’t the slightest inkling? Ask your daughter if her late dad would have approved such relationship (I’m sure her answer would be no), then ask her to do her late father the honor of quitting such relationship, tell her her late dad deserves that respect, and if he ever meant anything to her while he was alive then now is the best time to show it. Keep hammering on it as gently as you can, pray also that God should turn her heart away from that man… but if necessary, confront that old loaf and tell him to back off your daughter! Imagine taking advantage of a naive little girl…. mmtschwwww… smh.
Maybe your daughter is under a spell, she needs a lot of prayers and deliverance. It’s not all about you being a laughing stock, it’s wrong in every level. Is this old man going to be strong and active enough to raise her kids?
This is a terrible situation, she must have been bewitched by the old man, confront him and tell him to back off from your daughter. Please use your weapon which is prayer to destroy the relationship, this relationship unacceptable to me
Hmmm your daughter is simply confused and needs enlightenment. She is mixing up fatherly love and spousal love. The man knows this and is capitalizing on it to his advantage. Please don’t be harsh with her, it will only push her closer to the man. Wake her up at night and lovingly talk to her. Tell her what she will face once married to him(sexually, being step mum to adults, etc). The way you approach it will determine the outcome
I totally agree with you my sister. Don’t be too harsh on her madam dt man who knows better is taking advantage of her. But u need to confront dt man o.
This is so so wrong. You need to keep talking to her and highlight all the dangers involved in marrying a man that old. She’s not even in it for the money I would have understood a little bit. She doesn’t know what she’s doing right now and you need to stand your ground before it’s too late and she regrets her action. Which kind love be that one nah?
I think your daughter has been jazzed… Please assist her with prayers. And as for the man, pls confront him or report him to some of your late husband’s friends that are aware of the man’s relationship with ur late husband. Beg them to help you warn him seriously to stay away from ur family…
na prayers i dey see sooo.i feel theres more to this evn d man sell is a silly man cos he slow s supposed to have informed u abt his stupid intentions bfr goin fr ur daughter….hmmmm.pray him out of her life
I think your daughter is under a spell.i mean that man is way too old for her.as a mother you need to make her see reasons.that relationship is not an healthy one and could be disastrous for her in the near future. And as for the old man confront him if possible. He should back off cos am sure he is only taking advantage of your daughter .
Pray as if praying is the only thing you know how to do about this issue, pray the man out of your daughter’s heart. To me the only weapon you have is your prayer, use it judiciously. And probably talk to people to help you warn the man to stay away from your daughter