Dear MIMsters: Can I Be Held Responsible For SIL’s Barrenness After Saying This?

My dear sisters on MIM, please help me for I am at a loss here. I do not know how it happens but from childhood, I have observed that words that come out of my mouth -especially in moments of pain- comes to pass almost 99.9% of the time. And as much as I try to weigh what I say, my emotions sometimes run wild and I would not be able to hold myself. Please tell me after reading my story, can I be held responsible for my SIL’s barrenness?

This is my story!

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I am an only child and an orphan for as long as I can remember who I am. I was told my mother died the very day I was named and my father followed suit a few months later. I did not grow up to know them but I grew up to know so much pain. I chose to get married early because I was tired of being passed from one relative to the other. If you want an accurate definition of pain and misery, you only need to view my life. I suffered so much; I was the maid in every home I found myself, even though they were relatives.

From that young age, the only weapon I had was my confession while in pain. While I cried, I would utter those words from a heart of pain to God, asking Him why He didn’t let me die with my parents if He knew He wouldn’t be able to protect me from pain. It was in my teenage that It dawned on me that those words uttered in my moments of pain almost always came to pass.

Well, I hastily got married at the age of 23. I married the first person that sought for my hands in marriage though I wish I didn’t.

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Probably because I have no one to fight for me, my husband and his family members derive joy from maltreating me. I remember the first time he beat me up, I ran away to a friend’s place. He searched for me and when he found me. he dragged me to his parents home and my FIL told him he should have allowed me to stay where I ran to. He told him that he was certain I would soon be sent away from there since I was bad-luck. MIL told me that as long as I chose to go against my husband’s laws in our home, he would keep beating me. My SIL (hubby’s only sister) said I was just being stupid to have run to a friend’s house rather than make peace with my husband. None of them scolded hubby for beating me. I was so hurt I challenged God again and I said SIL would marry a man a thousand times worse than her brother.

I also remember a period one of hubby’s cousins was getting married. That particular cousin of his has always been nice to me and I looked forward to attending his wedding. FIL told hubby that he should let me remain at home so that I could keep the house tidy just in case some guests chose to return home with them. I was not happy about that so in pain, I said to God, “whoever wants to keep me away from that event would be kept away.”

Can you believe that FIL was on hospital bed through out that event? Suffice to say, no one came to the house after the event, everyone went to visit him at the hospital.

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I TTC for 3-years and my husband’s family members, especially FIL made my life hell. He would call me at the end of every month to ask if I menstruated that month and when I responded, “Yes sir”, he would hiss at me and cut the call. Sometimes, he would call me “Barren” and  “Never do well.” He went further to advise hubby to get find another woman to impregnate if he wouldn’t get a second wife. He said he was not sure there was anything good in me. I would cry and tell God to fight for me. I became suicidal and maybe, if hubby was supportive, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered so much but he wasn’t; no one was.

Then SIL got married and less than a month after her wedding, her hubby beat her so much she landed in the hospital. To crown it for her, she has been TTC for 5-years now and her hubby’s family members are not taking things easy on her. As a matter of fact, her hubby has impregnated another woman and the woman has even moved in with them.

FIL invited me 3 days ago and said a prophet asked them to apologize to me. He said they were told not to fight with me but beg me to withdraw the pronouncements I made against SIL, and that she would become pregnant afterwards.

I have even forgotten I made any such statement, I said those words in my moments of pain but how can they now link her barrenness to me? I have also been praying for her and I just wish all of these would end soon; I fear being labeled a witch. I am really scared and I wish I never said anything against SIL but they were said in my moment of pain.