Dear MIMsters: Where Is My Fault In All Of These?

Where is my fault in all of these?

I have been married for 4 years and I have a 3 year old baby girl. Hubby and I lived peacefully without quarrels or fights except for when I tell him to change his stingy nature. But when I got pregnant, hubby did something really bad.

He lied to me that he was travelling for business, meanwhile, he checked into a hotel and spent two whole weeks with another woman. I thought my husband was a Christian like me. When he returned home, he could not look me in the eyes. He just changed like that towards me.

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I asked him what I did wrong and he said that my nostrils and tummy got bigger when I was pregnant. I was shocked. He lied about where he had been but I found out about everything through his Facebook page on his laptop. This act of his shattered me so much that we now behave like cat and rat towards each other.

He met as a virgin at the University. He is now a successful accountant who has acquired properties but when I met him, he was nothing. Sorry to say that, but it is the truth. The first time he approached me, I  turned him down and due to how he looked, my twin sister also did not like him. He kept coming and as the devoted Christian girl I was, I didn’t want to hate him. He said that I am the woman for him.

I was bothered, so I took the matter to my aunty who is a deaconess at Winners Chapel and she told me to go ahead. I started studying him. He told me about his problems and I took him for deliverance. We were shocked when after the deliverance, contracts and money started coming in. We signed joint ownership of our properties and he started spending so much on me and my mother. I started thinking his destiny was me for him to have become successful.

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My question is WHY DID HE GO OUT OF OUR MARRIAGE? I have heard many people say wives are the ones who pushed their husbands out, but mine was different. Now, I have stopped having sex with him.

I am that kind of a Christian who hates adultery. I thought keeping my body for just one man will be my gain but my husband’s action has shown that he does not value me as much as I thought. 

Before we got married, we agreed that I would further study and attend law school in Nigeria. I reminded him recently and he said that he has no money for this. I told him that when he is done cheating, we will all go to the hospital and get checked. 

Since he cheated in 2016, I have denied him sex. He behaved like he was not bothered, thinking it would break me, instead, I lost the affection I had for him. He’s been trying to get close to me again but I told him that I only want a repentant man who is truly sorry. I couldn’t divorce him because of what my mother and the church would say.

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I came to realise that I needed to forgive him so that I can move on with my marriage and it is what God expects of me. He started buying new furniture to upgrade the house and kitchen but what I expect is for him is to verbally say, “I AM SORRY.”

I have not been happy with God and with my aunt. I am not happy with where I am. Material things  is not love. I need a man who, together, we can both worship God with our marriage and finances. I won’t lie, my attitude towards him has changed so much.

I asked him why he cheated, “don’t you love me?” He said he loves me so much and that all married men cheat and their wives do nothing. When he started becoming sad about the situation at home, he asked me to invite marriage counsellors and I did, even pastors. He was blamed and told to change but he has not stopped cheating.

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Now, I am depressed and he’s depressed too because sometimes, he behaves like a mad man at home. I have forgiven my husband’s for my sake, and God’s but he must go to the hospital before we resume sex but he is still hesitant. Instead, he says that my character is very bad. Even though I have improved, he still cheats and is refusing to sponsor my law degree because he thinks I will run away afterwards.

I am writing this now because we had a hot exchange this morning after he said he won’t sponsor my Law degree, that I should go and look for petty jobs to do. I have so much prayed for my marriage until I lost my identity in Christ and what Christ expects of me. I am now praying for myself and my daughter because only God has the final say in my life.

I brought this here because I have exhausted all the means to stop my hubby from cheating and make him give his life to Jesus christ but nothing has changed. He does not provide enough at home. Most of his money goes to investing in buildings, cars and hotel rooms where he pays to sex women.

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He said I am too proud, but I am not. I just can’t accept cheating and live with it. Where is my fault in all of these? What can you advice me? I want to move out with my daughter when he is not around. I am just 28 and I know I will find God’s perfect will for me.