Dear MIMsters: My Husband Is A Bad Father But He Wants The Kids

I left my marriage in October last year after my husband became violent and was threatening me with a knife, and cutlass at the slightest provocation. Sometimes, he would rape me when I refuse to have sex with him.

Leaving my marriage after 11 years was a painful decision for me due to all the efforts and sacrifices I put into the marriage. I had to leave to be alive for my kids. Apart from him controlling my salary, he was also very disrespectful to my parents. He had no regard for them and would not allow me to care for them.

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He prevented my siblings from visiting my house despite the fact that we lived in a big house with plenty of rooms. Mimsters, the memories of the maltreatment my husband gave me after I had a baby 3 years ago are still very fresh in my mind. This man abandoned me with the pregnancy. From the paracetamol I took till I delivered, the scans, medications, and baby items, he never cared to know. And when it was time for delivery, he left me to my fate.

I had an elective CS and needed 2 pints of blood, (I have a rare blood group), yet he didn’t care. I became a beggar and it got to a point when the doctors had to ask if the baby was truly his due to the way he was treating me.

For the first time in my 4 deliveries, I  took 3 pints of blood and the doctors were asking for more. I had exhausted all I had and so I begged them to allow me to go and take blood supplements.

While I was in the recovery room upstairs, my baby was in the neonatal ward because she had Neonatal sepsis. Hubby would visit the baby downstairs and leave afterward without checking on me. At some point, I almost slipped into depression while still at the hospital. To the glory of God, it’s been 3 years since I had the child and I am well same with my child.

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Hubby is well to do. He has 3 cars, yet I hop on Okada with my kids. Last year my kids who were on a bike were almost taken away. I was on another one, but God came through and I saw my kids a few minutes after we were separated. I have suffered so much that time will not permit me to share.

I got married to him when he had nothing. Though I had noticed his behavior from day one, I thought he would become better. I could no longer take it, I had to leave to live. It’s been 8 months since I moved out of the house we both built to rent a house in a place far away from him. We are separated and the kids are with me but he is not remorseful at all and there are no signs that he is going to come back to apologize.

My family supports my leaving him, including his sister and some of his family members. Initially, I wanted to stop him from seeing the kids but I was advised to allow him to see them. So, every 2 weekends, I take them to meet him at an open place. He then takes them out and returns them in the evening.

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Two weeks ago, he didn’t return them. I called him and he said he has the right to keep them and that he will return them in 2 days. I was asked to let him have them since he was going to return them, but he did return them in 2 days.

The only responsibility he meets is paying their school fees. He had earlier said he won’t pay until he was advised to, while I take care of their feeding, welfare, and every other thing. Since I moved out, it’s not been easy. I had to take a loan to get the house we live in. Houses here are very expensive and every month when my salary drops, the bank and other people I owe take theirs, and I am left with little or nothing to fend for us.

I am starting life from scratch because I left with the few things I had and I have been told to keep myself since I am still married. No man has touched me for over 8 months. I am very disciplined. Nobody in my new locality knows about my status because I don’t want men around to take advantage of my situation. Hubby might never apologize and I might be filing for divorce later. It’s not easy though. I am in my 30s.

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He wants the kids to come and spend another 3 days with him and I am beginning to fear that he wants to take the children from me forever. Hubby had a very bad upbringing and hence can’t father them well. What should I do?