Marriage Counsellors Identify 8 Inexhaustible Ways To Re-ignite Glow In Long-standing Marriages
Marriage is wonderful, but it also takes a lot of work. Think of it as an empty box that you fill up daily, you can’t have in it, what you did not put in it.
The sparks of love and butterflies in the bellies may fade after some years of marriage. Realities and life challenges may be responsible for it.
It is thus important for older couples to continue exploring ways to renew their love and marital vows.
A professor of Counselling at the University of Nsukka, Enugu State and a researcher on marriage and family stability, Ike Ifelunni, says that relationships with the opposite sex as time goes on may encounter some distracting forces such as finances and family responsibilities.
He adds that such can make reduce interest in one another if care not taken and may lead to regret or wanting to stay alone.
An American author, Dan Lieberman, says that love fades over time because it is hard to keep the love hormone; dopamine, going after being in a relationship for a long time. He adds,
“Dopamine gets us interested in each other but it only responds to things that are new or that are possible rather than real. If you are going to stay attached, you’ll have to find a reason beyond the dopamine thrill of the new.”
Get some ideas from Marriage counsellors on re-igniting the spark in your marriage below…
Do a past check
A family and relationship expert, Bisi Adewale, states that couples can renew the spark in their marriage by conducting a past check. Adewale explains,
“They need to go back to doing what they were doing in the past that kept the love going before and identify what brought them to where they are now.”
He further states that mind insulation, which is a major problem in marriages that occurs due to offences and leading to loss of appeal of the partner, needed to be dealt with in the minds of the concerned couples.
Eat out with your partner
Ifelunni recommends occasional outings and eating outs. He says,
“You may have all the money in the world and cook the best meals at home but it is still advisable to occasionally eat out. This helps the couples to meet with friends, new people and see a different aspect of life that can spark up a new relationship.”
READ ALSO: 11 Completely Avoidable Mistakes That May Cost You Your Marriage
Buy valuable gifts
Ifelunni notes, “Buying something of value that you can treasure among yourselves will go a long way. For us in Africa, we may not treasure something like flowers but something as ordinary as airtime shows that you have your partner in mind and at heart. This can ignite the love.”
Go to places together
Doing things and going to places of interest or invitations are ways to ignite love.
The don advises couples to honour invitations to events and functions together.
“Some people may hurry out of the house and leave their partner at home. Two of you have been invited, so why don’t you go together? Going together is another way of easing tension and stress.
It may also be going to places to worship together. These were things you did together when you were courting but because over the years, you had children and some difficulties and you think it doesn’t matter and what you are interested in is how to make money, it doesn’t work that way.”
Have sex in odd places
Sex is a major bond for married couples. The marriage and family stability researcher states,
“We have seen sex conventionally and traditionally and when you mention sex, it is either they are going into their bedroom to make love, which is what they call it and that cannot bring any spark but when you do it in odd places such as in the bathtub, kitchen and other places other than the bedroom where you have been doing it helps to bring the such spark that you need.”
Intentional dating in marriage
Adewale advises long-term couples to return to the intentional relationship, stating that marriages need love, attention, care and nurture for them to work. He adds,
“Many of us dated intentionally but we are not married intentionally. When you are going out with someone you are dating, you intentionally check on each other through calls and visits and buy gifts but an average couple is not intentional in their relationship and they begin to blame each other for the state of their marriage.’’
On areas to focus on to re-ignite glow in marriages, Adewale adds,
“Be intentional about touching your spouse; this sends a huge signal of love and acceptance to your partner. Experts tell us that an average couple that wants a super marriage should hug at least four times a day. Also, adopt the intentional holding of hands and the waist and intentional kissing.”
The marriage expert tells older couples to “bring out their marriages from daddy and mummy’s mode to lovers mode. There should be intentional playfulness and laughter and joy in the home. They can become boyfriend and girlfriends again.”
ALSO READ: 10 Simple Ways To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Marriage
Adopt pet names
The lecturer states that pet names have a sex appeal and advises older couples to “instead of calling each other mummy and daddy, adopt pet names. It has a way of bringing you close to your yesteryear. There are no hard and fast rules about this.
Marital relationships need continual renewal and the only way to renew them is by doing some of the things that can bring you back to where you were in the past. They are not a one-shot thing, even in one’s 70s and 80s, relationships can still have that spark of life and love.”
Over the years as couples grow in their marriage, there is an attempt to forget themselves completely such that they no longer dress in ways that appeal to the other partner.
On this, Ifelunni cautions, saying,
“Leaving yourself flabby will not appeal to your partner. Dress smart and wear those things you were wearing that attracted your spouse to you. Even in the house, dress well for each other.”