The Anamonyes Share Things Marriage Taught Them In Their 29 Years Together
Comrade Christopher Anamonye, a civil servant in Delta State and his wife, Grace, a business woman, are from Obomkpa in Aniocha North Local Government Area of the state. They got married in 1994, and since then, they have weathered the storms of life together.
In this interview with DailySun, the couple shared their experiences and offered valuable advice for younger couples.
How did you meet your wife?
Comrade Chris: It is a long story. In the first place, we are from the same com- munity and we belong to the same faith. We have been worshipping, seeing ourselves, most especially for the fact that her family and mine were very close. We have a relationship.
Was it that closeness that led to your marriage?
Comrade Chris: The closeness did not lure us into marriage. It was a divine connection because when her father was
alive, we never thought of marriage. It was after the death of her father that the spirit manifested that there was need for me to get settled.
When I decided to get settled, who do I settle with? I needed to look at those within the community. I looked outside but did not find any, so I came back to my community.
So where did you search?
Comrade Chris: I had relationship with somebody from Obior, from Ubulu-Uku, from Issele-Uku, and the search did not yield fruit because there were one or two things that were coming in and going out. When God decided, I met her and approached her. At the time I met her, she was not in the village.
I met her at Asaba where she was schooling, and I invited her to one of my cousin’s chemist shop. It was there we spoke. I told her: ‘Babe, I am not interested in courtship this time around, I want your hands in marriage.’ She was shocked. And she now said all this years you never thought of it.
I now said that is the way God works; it is the time God decided that I have come. She now said I should give her time to pray. I allowed her. I was residing in Benin then, but working at Ajagbodudu. After about one month, I went back to her, and she said it was done. It was then I proceeded to meet my parents to inform them that I have found someone to settle with.
Madam, anything you want to add?
Madam Grace: Exactly what happened. We were family friends. His dad and my dad were so close, in short the entire family. Anytime he visited the village, our place is the first place he would stop. But he never one day proposed to me. Whenever he comes, we will embrace him as our brother.
So immediately after the death of my daddy, he came seeking my hands in marriage. So I said we should pray and seek God’s guidance.
Then, they were coming, more than nine suitors. I took the names for prayer and at the end, his name was picked. And then I said let me be sure, I wrote all the names and folded in pieces of paper, and called children around me to pick at random.
The first child picked, it was his name, I folded the papers again for another child to pick, again his name was picked. I did it myself, and also picked his name. So when he came back I said it is done.
Apart from that spiritual exercise, what other qualities did you find in him?
Madam Grace: When I was growing up, there was this cousin of mine, whenever we were praying, she would say God give me somebody that you created with me. We were mocking her.
So at a time, I picked that prayer point and told God that I wanted my missing rib. I don’t want somebody who would be beating me every day, I don’t want a smoker and/or drunkard. And God did it. When he (Chris) came, he has all the qualities that I prayed for, and he is a God fearing man.
You said you had relationships in Obior, Ubulu- Uku, Issele-Uku. What did you find in her that attracted you?
Comrade Chris: Actually, you know that life is not a bed of roses. There are little things that happen in a man’s life. I had done my spiritual angle before going for her. I had encountered so many ladies who did not actually suit my definition of marriage.
The major qualities that attracted her to me is her Christian background, her truthfulness. We have been interacting even before we thought of marriage. We are both of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, and we do meet in the field. You know we study people.
I observe people and I told God that I needed somebody because I have problem with my stomach. If I am hungry, I’m not your friend. So I needed someone to cook and keep me at
home, not keeping me outside. And when I found those qualities in her, I said it was better to end the search and settle down with her.
When you decided to get married, was there any opposition that you were probably marrying your sister?
Comrade Chris: Our closeness was not with blood ties; we are from different quarters. My father and her father were
close in relationship. The only person I could report my father to when things went wrong between us was her father.
And it is only her father that my father listened to. I happen to be the first son and the heir apparent, and you know what it is. It is always difficult for the heir apparent to agree in certain areas of life with his father.
So there was no opposition?
Comrade Chris: No! Even when I decided to break the news, they were saying, is that why you have been waiting?
In your proposal, there was no funfair and all that. Why did you decide to make it low key?
Comrade Chris: It was a personal thing. I took that decision after looking into our relationship, and I had taken the decision not to do anything elaborate because you don’t know who is who. If her family had allowed me to
marry her within two weeks after the proposal, I would have done that because I was ready.
When he proposed, you asked for time. When you finally made up your mind, how did you respond?
Madam Grace: When he came back, I now said I had prayed, that there was no problem, I am now ready. He was so
happy, so that is how we started.
What can you still remember about your wedding ceremony?
Comrade Chris: That day was a joyful one. One thing I can’t forget in a hurry is that that 1994, I celebrated my bachelor eve on my birthday, August 26. I had wanted to celebrate my marriage on the 26th but it was a Friday and so we chose Saturday, 27. Then Rev. Fr. Anthony Okure was the assistant parish priest in the Jesuit community in St. Joseph Catholic Church, Benin.
When we were attending marriage classes, he called us for discussion and he said that he hoped that the political crisis will not stop us because it was the second journey of Babagida and Abiola race. We said no. People were running home but I was in Benin preparing for my marriage. And in Benin City, that day was a remarkable day.
Every Saturday in Benin, not less done 30 marriages are celebrated but we were only four that wedded in the entire city on Saturday August 27, 1994. Edo Broadcasting Service (EBS) carried it in the news; that was how we got to know.
The news crew visited those places where the marriages were celebrated. It was in the news that a city that had always witnessed above 30 marriages on a Saturday had only four.
Madam Grace: It was my happiest day because even others postponed their own, we said we would not postpone it, that the marriage must hold to the glory of God. And God did it.
Can you still remember your first misunderstanding as a couple?
Comrade Chris: We never had personal misunderstanding. The one we had, that was in Ubulu-Uku when I was posted from Ajagbodudu. It was someone else’s issue that brought the matter. She wanted me to understand and key in, I now shouted at her because she was persistent.
How did you resolve it?
Comrade Chris: After that squabble, we resolved within ourselves. We now realised that I had made a mistake and she realised too where she made a mistake. And both of us came together. Our motto is that whenever we have issues, and realised the mistake, anybody that is at fault must apologise by saying Mummy/Daddy, please I am sorry.’ That is the key word.
After the apology, you pledge that it will not happen again. Then we begin to advise ourselves. We learnt that we should not be taking people’s issues too far to cause problems for us because we are distinct.
Madam Grace: Since we married, I can’t recall having major issues, not that we don’t have misunderstanding but we settle within ourselves, we don’t invite a third party…
Comrade Chris: Even when our parents lived with us, they never heard us quarrel, we quarrel but we are able to settle.
What is that peculiar thing that you like in your spouse from the beginning till now?
Comrade Chris: Her calmness.
Madam Grace: He is truthful and caring. But is there any aspect of your spouse’s life where you want to
see some improvement?
Madam Grace: No. I normally appreciate him. Even the children pray to get somebody like him, and I used to respond to them that God will give you somebody that is better than your daddy. At times, I tell him that if people
reincarnate, I will look for him in my second life.
Comrade Chris: Life is dynamic, we keep on improving. She has already improved, the care she is giving has improved.
What is the place of pet name in marriage, how does not improve the home?
Comrade Chris: I call her Mummy and she calls me Daddy. Everybody in the house knows that, we play together with the children and work together.
Was there any time in these past 29 years when you have been far apart from each other and how did you cope?
Comrade Chris: We had such a challenge when we started. I was residing in Benin working in Ajagbodudu close to Oghareki in Ethiope West Local Government Area of Delta State. I was going from Benin every day. It was only when I had backlog of work that I slept at the official apartment in Ajagbodudu. We wedded in August; I was posted out of Ajagbodudu to Ubulu-Uku.
So on Monday morning, I will leave Benin for Ubulu-Uku. On Friday afternoon, I am back to Benin. She was in Benin then, and I did that for six months. But with God and my landlord and family, we were able to cope. I was thinking that they would post me back, that was why I said let me stay and watch.
But when I discovered that I could not be posted back, we discussed the variables and discovered that we were too young to stay apart. Within that period, God blessed us. I now said if I began to leave her, who would be assisting her? Apart from that our landlord and landlady were very helpful. They were very accommodating and humane.
Madam Grace: When they transferred him to Ubulu-Uku, we thought that they would transfer him back. I was coping. At that time, there was no phone; we only saw when he came around. I started coping with God and the help of my good neighbours.
My landlord and his entire family, they took us as one of their own. Even one of our neighbours, Vivian, was always coming to check on me, as if she was staying in my own apartment. And some of his cousins were with us then. They were working in RCC. So we now housed them. So anytime they came around, they would stay until we packed to Ubulu-Uku.
What is your advice for bachelors?
Comrade Chris: They should not look at monetary aspect of life in making their choices of life partners. They should look at God first and know what they desire for themselves.
They should consider their background and the background of their proposed spouses. This is very important. They should not look at flamboyance or beauty in picking life partners. That is deceptive. Somebody might be beautiful yet not homely. She might be beautiful yet not good in the kitchen.
She might be beautiful yet irresponsible and lacks good character that can comprehend the man’s needs and wants.
They should equally ensure that you should be able to attest to the person’s character to know that this is someone you can vouch for at all time, and the person is ready to pilot the affairs with you
. Because you may have a good wife or husband yet they are not caring that the home is kept in order. She may not have the time to properly bring up the children.
That is really a problem in modern life. People are busy here and there, and you are not there for the home. It is disastrous. When you are able to reason together on how the home should be handled, it gives you a lesser problem.